Not just caught up in a power struggle, but also convinced that change is not possible. That OP writes off marriage counseling without trying might indicate he sees compromise as a weakness.You can take everything you wrote and throw it out the window. The real problem is y’all are caught in a power struggle. You will never win because your wife has no interest in your choices and decisions. In her case blood is thicker than vows.
Give up.... your trying to sail into the wind.
@Noosh , how long have you been married? How long did you know your wife prior to that? These aren't the sort of things that come on only due to kids. I have to think this has been brewing for a long time, and that it's likely you knew of your closeness (and your apparent distaste) to her family long before this.
What attracted you to each other? What still attracts you to each other?
Regarding kids in general, kids aren't "property" in the way you seem to feel they are. They are shared, with the immediate family, and beyond. It almost sounds like you don't want "your" kid to be out of your sphere of influence. This sort of thing sounds more like what we read after a bad divorce. Guess it's a really good thing you haven't had kids yet; I don't think you're ready. And might not ever be. You can't control kids. You can try, but the results won't be pretty.