[Splarty]

I need advice about a marriage guidance counsellor.

The one that I am seeing claims to have an 85% success rate (which for me is the first sign that he is around the bend - he would be on the front cover of Time magazine if he had those numbers.)

I would take him at his word about his success rate except for the facts:
a) He has no "method" - i.e. no predefined goals or guidelines, no "homeworks" ... etc
b) He redefines concepts depending on whether my wife or I is talking (his definition of empathy does not involve "putting yourself in another person's shoes" as "you can never really put yourself in another person's shoes" .... if you follow this to its logical conclusion then no human being can relate to another one - which I think is what he is suffering from).
c) He seems to only have one "technique" - which is to "explain" what my wife is saying to me (in the most patronizing way possible) ... my wife loves him - that is the problem.

How do you deal with a fraud like this without creating new frictions in a relationship (there most be some standards that I can wave over his head ... no?)?

 

[KathyBatesel]

Some of the things I would do (and which would offend and alienate the counselor if he's not extremely good at what he does) is to ask for his clinic's follow up statistics. Many clinics don't bother to do any follow-ups, but high quality practices do. They want to know whether they're doing their jobs well, and so they'll have a standard practice to determine how effective they are.

The clinic I worked for was in the military. We did follow ups on alcoholic recidivism in the most basic way - by checking how many people returned for treatment after therapy was completed, and also by looking at the rates they were kicked out of the Army for alcohol or drug related reasons.

When I had reason to check into therapy for someone else, I spoke to about 4 different clinics. Three didn't do any follow-up at all. One of them did a 6 month, 1 year, and 2 year follow-up to see what patients reported about the care they'd received.

This would give you a good idea about how he came about determining his success rate.

You could also ask for some referrals, but I doubt you'll get them. Even though he can legitimately contact his former patients and ask them to call you, there's a high likelihood that he would hide behind patient confidentiality to avoid the extra work it would cause him to do.

You can also ask him to review your patient records. He doesn't have to give you access to everything, but he does have to share with you the treatment plan. The way I understand it (though I have to tell you that I am not an expert on the laws) is that it's up to the counselor to determine if sharing information would present a risk to the patient. When I worked as a counselor, my clinic saw this primarily as whether there was a risk of homicide, suicide, or if it would be likely to trigger any kind of psychotic break from reality, for instance, but it was still wide open to interpretation about what exactly constituted harm. However, I was instructed that we were required to share the treatment plan.

 

[Splarty]

Thank you.

I wasn't expecting such a thorough reply!!

I will take your advice with one or two of these suggestions, and I do expect the counsellor to be offended (he is easily offended, which is another reason that I think that he is insane ... it is not his marriage but he gets offended if he is questioned?).

Thanks again.

 

[Chris Taylor]

The problem with his success rate is that if a couple stops seeing him and are still married, it's a success. Months down the road they couple split and he'd never know it.

I've been to to marriage counselors and two therapists. I always confront everything they say. Maybe because I negotiate contracts for a living and am always pushing, but you should not take anything you don't feel comfortable with just sitting down.

if you have concerns, address them. Don't need to be aggressive about it, just don't be happy until you get an answer with which you are comfortable.

 

[Splarty]

I presumed that confronting a counselor was part of their job. I do it as politely as is humanly possible, given that I don't want any extra emotion to get it the way, but this one is touchy.

I think that he is "winging it" and doesn't have a clue what he is doing - and so his only approach is to side with my wife (even when she doesn't ask for it). It all seems very unprofessional to me. The more that I look into marriage guidance counsellors the more that I understand that they have no standards.

I am going to give this a few more weeks, just in case I have a blindspot that I am missing.

Thank you for the feedback!