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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well I've blown it. I have only been married a year to my wife and screwed the pooch pretty bad. Long story short the marriage has been going good. As it should be for the first year at least. ;) But I have had this habit of smoking cigarettes and sometimes Mary Jane late at night before bed.

Long story short after she went to bed for her early morning job I would sneak out for a cig/toke then watch tv for a bit and go to bed since I worked at night I stayed up later anyway.

All that aside she found my stash this morning and is up in arms over the whole situation. Trust lost, doesn't know if she would ever want a family with me, doesn't know me etc....

What should I do? She is a very strict Christian and I am not so much, but I try to live by all of her beliefs. Will she forgive you think?:scratchhead:
 

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I personally wouldn't leave someone for smoking pot. Given that she feels so strongly about it I would give it up. I read a statistic online that said that if one person smoked cigarettes in a marriage and the other did not that the percentage of divorce was much higher. I imagine that percentage is even higher if one is a stoner and the other is not. You are putting your marriage at risk.
 

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Here's a look from the other side...when we first got together, my husband smoked pot. I told him I didn't want that in my life, I had a 15 yr old son at the time, and I didn't want to show him that that behavior was acceptable. H told me he'd quit, and I believed him. A few years later, I found pot in a cigarette pack.. again, he said he'd quit, and I believed him. Few years later, he failed a drug test. He said someone was smoking pot in his truck and it got in his hair and that's why he failed. (Gullible, I know, but I'm not a drug person...) Long story short ..he lied to me our entire 13 yr marriage..smoking pot behind my back and lying to me about it. I trusted him, believed him. 5 months ago, out of the blue, he asked me for a divorce. He was tired of sneaking around and chose the drugs over our daughter and I.

Today was my final divorce hearing. Its over, and I have to admit, after all the tears, crying, frustration, pleading with him to work on our relationship, he just wanted out.. today I am at peace with everything. Its his loss..... Just don't do that to your wife. Be honest with her, or get out now. Don't wait for over a decade, then decide you don't want to sneak around anymore.
 

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I would sneak out for a cig/toke then watch tv for a bit and go to bed :
You are being deceptive about this. Honesty and trust and openness are big issues in a marriage.

I wouldn't live with a smoker period.

I grew up with my whole family being smokers, and thought they was normal. After leaving home and away from cigarettes I didn't know how bad they stink. Not to mention health issues and cancer in the family.
 

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Just tell her you'll do whatever it takes to save your marriage man. You really don't have a choice anymore. Give up the cigs and the MJ, stop hiding stuff, and change. Ask her to give you one more chance and tell her you'll work your a** off to earn her trust. Since you didn't cheat or anything like that, the change that you're required to make should be easy and barring she doesn't hold long term grudges, she should forgive you easily, especially if she's as strict of a christian as you say she is.
 

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And don't let people tell you that pot isn't addictive. It is. Highly. Tell her you will go Narcotics Anonymous. You need it and it will show you're serious. Make sure SHE knows pot is addictive. Make sure that she knows that you didn't CHOOSE pot over her. It is a problem and you will get help. Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Eh, I don't really feel that it is addictive, maybe mentally. But not physically. But I hear where you are coming from. I got bored staying at home all the time with a diff. schedule than my wife. I convinced myself that me smoking a little bit wasn't bad considering I always paid my bills, didn't cheat, worked hard. Etc But I was just kidding myself. Thanks for the help!
 
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