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I am with my husband for 6 years and married for 4. We have just had another row – a constant in our relationship. I constantly feel sad, low and unloved. Sex happens about three times a year, since we stopped trying for a baby (which I now realize is good for any potential child we would have had!) and I am constantly watching what I say. When I let my guard down I say something and he attacks. I am constantly anxious and angry with him. Most of the time I think I hate him, but if he is nice to me at all, the love I initially felt returns. I should have seen the signs – he has no friends at all (and thinks that is normal), only one previous girlfriend before me (and he was in his mid 30s when I met him), weird relationship with his family, secretive. When we were about 6 months together we went on our first holiday and he attacked me (verbally) for interupting him when we were talking to someone and this has been a constant. He says he cannot trust me, that he cannot talk to me as I argue with him, that I have issues (who hasn’t?) but will not accept that he might be part of the problem – it is all down to me. We attended couple counselling 6 months into our marriage but it only helped for a while. About 6 months ago he told me he never wanted to marry me although he got down on one knee to ask me! It is since then that I realised that I had made a huge mistake. I waited until my 40s to marry (I had trust issues!!) and now here I am.
I am aware of my own issues and have done a lot of work on myself, though know there are things that still need to be addressed. And when I try to get him to sit down and talk about our relationship he twists everything to be my fault. He also doesn’t “do” feelings – in the past if I asked him how he felt he would blow a fuse, I don’t do it anymore.
However, we are in a predicament – we owe a fortune and own three properties in negative equity. The house we live in is mine (I bought it a year before we got married on his insistence) but has the largest mortgage, which I pay. He pays all the bills and groceries as well as ensuring the other properties are rented etc. I also think he has a gambling problem – he wouldn’t do joint accounts but I know he owes over 30k. I am working part-time for myself (it is hard to get work at the moment) and we really struggle. I think I want to separate but I can’t survive without his income at the moment – I don’t know what to do, and would appreciate some advice. The only positive is that there are no children involved.
 

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I also think he has a gambling problem – he wouldn’t do joint accounts but I know he owes over 30k. I am working part-time for myself (it is hard to get work at the moment) and we really struggle. I think I want to separate but I can’t survive without his income at the moment – I don’t know what to do, and would appreciate some advice. The only positive is that there are no children involved.
Hi

Have you looked if he's seeing someone else? His short fuse can be a symptom that he may "well" be involved in PA? (I found this out myself after years of not knowing - if not, at least you investigated..)

I think you already answered your own question. It's much harder to separate in this economic climate for many couples..this sounds like a financial issue as much as marriage issue. If you have serious financial issues then marriage will become very difficult..

Have you thought about posting under "Money" section?

Good luck!
 
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