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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
have been with my hubby for 5 years. Two years ago, he cheated on me and the mistress ended up getting pregnant. We did not have any children so this was his first. I was devastated. The baby girl was born 6 days before our wedding anniversary. I was so hurt and upset at first I told him to make a decision, either he wanted to be a husband to me and have no dealing with the child/mistress or we get a divorce (because the mistress made it very clear to me she loved my husband and couldn't helped the way she felt). He told me he wouldn't go to her house and he wanted to focus on making our marriage better. Months later I found out he was visiting her and the baby everyday behind my back and his mother started babysitting the baby overnight while the mistress went to work. I felt so betrayed at him and his family for accepting not only just the child, but the other woman as apart of the family and disregarding my feelings about the situation. He made it clear to me that she was his child and he was going to be apart of her life bc she couldn't help the way she was made. We separated for about 5 mos. then I took him back thinking he really wanted to repair our marriage. A year has passed since then and now I am 5 mos. pregnant with our first child. Since day 1 of the baby news, he didn't seem as excited as I thought he would be. I feel really hurt that he is not showing any concern for our child like he did about the baby with his mistress. I don't understand how he can treat me so cold while I'm pregnant, but with her he betrayed me over and over by going to her house to check on her while she was pregnant.... Please help me with how I should handle this bc I've tried talking to him due to the fact I dont want my child to be brought into a messed up marriage that's up and down.
 

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There is so much stuff wrong here...where do I start? One thing that struck me is that, while he was wrong to cheat on you, unfortunately it produced a baby and he is right, it is not that poor child's fault. You shouldn't have demanded he not have anything to do with that child, if it is in fact HIS child. (Was he the only person she was sleeping with at the time?) he may resent this, and unfortunately I have a feeling, from what little I'm reading here, that he may feel like you got pregnant with your child to sort of trump this first child and manipulate him into not caring as much about this other child.

I know you must be devastated and hurt and confused about what to do and I am in no way blaming you...I mean, you didn't ask for all this. I'm just trying to figure out what he is thinking and why he is behaving the way he is.

Do you think it is actually over between him and this other woman?

Gosh...what an awful situation to bring a child into. I mean the first child...mostly. I would have waited to have yours until you two cleared up the hurt feelings and question of why he cheated in the first place.
 

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Your h sounds horrible. If you have family and friends for support, I suggest you divorce him. He seems more invested in OW and the family he has with her than in you. You and your baby deserve better than this fool.
 
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Sorry girl, you messed up. You got knocked up by your cheating @ss husband and now you have this expectation that he will be Mr. wonderful with your kid.

Your old man is a POS and expecting anything more is crazy. His whole family has there moral compase pointing south and now you are evn deeper into the sh1t....when you could have bailed 5 months ago.

My suggestion is...lower your expectation for your husband. He isn't that great of a catch. I can tell by how his mother reacted to his bastard child, and she is the one that raised him.
 

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You are in a one-sided open marriage. Your husband is married to you & has a mistress on the side. If he was truly committed to you and a monogamous marriage, he would not be sneaking to see her & lying to you on a daily basis.

If this is acceptable to you, so be it. If it is not, then give him an ultimatum & follow through on it.
 

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I think your husband did the right thing being involved with his daughter. It is not her fault that she was made in a poor situation, and she should not have to grow up without having her father or grandparents in her life, because you do not like that she was created. She is an innocent child in this situation. If you couldn't handle having your husband being in her life, you should have ended the marriage, not tried to end the contact between them.

I do not think it's appropriate for him to be sneaking around behind your back, but he may have felt like he didn't have a choice. You were very open about the fact that you didn't want his child in his life, and honestly I don't think that was your call to make.

I'm not trying to say you are at fault in any way, but I think you should have walked away when it became clear that his child was going to be a part of his life, and you were not ok with it. You now have a child on the way that is going to be this child's sibling. As much as you don't like that, it is what it is at this point. You are going to have to accept that this is what your life holds. The choice you do have, is whether or not to stay married to this man.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thank you all so much for the advice! When I took him back in 2011(the baby was 3 mos) I did try to have a change of heart and told him we could start getting her so I could get to know her bc I did want to continue our marriage and have our children. After that is when his family started inviting the mistress to all family functions and all I asked him was to let them know they need to respect our marriage or we could not go anymore bc I was not going to sit around with a woman that has made it clear she still wants my husband and has no remorse for what they did to me. Even after me getting the child a couple of times per week and trying to make a fam with her included at our house, it seems like I still got screwed in the end and a deeper hurt along with resentment.
 
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