[Bonbons]

I've been happily married for over 4 years now. I dress conservative, and I don't bring attention to myself. Well there is this older gentleman who has been helping me where I attend school. Anyway he had me apply for a job position with his connections. He said, "I almost didn't offer this to you because you're a lot of fun to flirt with." I was shocked and I started to laugh because that made me nervous. Then he says, "It's true I said it, I like to flirt with you." Then he switched the subject back to the job position.

So as I was leaving for the interview I start to tell him why I'm back in school. He cuts me off with his own guesses, and then he really crosses the line. "To cheat on your husband." Then he laughed. I immediately scoffed at him and told him I was leaving.

Anyway I'm trying to avoid this guy as much as possible. We've got a new female student and I'm guessing she might be next on his list. Less of a worry for me, but I did give her a light warning. I can't say much since this guy has a lot of connections and he has done a lot to help me. I'm just hoping I get this job so I can get out of that school. I'd go to another one, but there isn't another one like it. I've told my husband most of what has happened except for the cheating comment. Any advice would be great.

 

[Goldmember357]

tell him everything

secrets are never good

oh well perhaps one learn the hard way?

 

[CanadianGuy]

Creepy. You have done the right thing. Pay no attention to his flirting and he'll back off. Those are his fantasies not yours. Good thing you told your husband too. Sounds like you can handle yourself.

 

[KathyBatesel]

"I appreciate your help. I hope you're not doing because you think my values are so low that I'd cheat on my husband." A yes answer makes him look like a jerk, and you make your boundaries clear.

 

[hehasmyheart]

Ewww...what a perv.

Yes, tell your husband the whole thing, and tell him you're avoiding him. Don't think that it's your fault, he's just an icky perv that doesn't know boundaries.

 

[F-102]

He's done a lot to help you. Sounds like he may expect "favors" in return.

Get thee to HR like, YESTERDAY!

 

[IrishGirlVA]

He's done a lot to help you. Sounds like he may expect "favors" in return.

I just got an icky feeling reading your post. And what F-102 said was exactly what popped into my mind. It sounds like this guy feels entitled to say what he wants because he has been such a big help to you and he knows you need his connections. Disgusting!

I like what KathyBatesel wrote about how you should approach him next time he gets out of line and makes you feel uncomfortable.

Some people like to speak before they think. Hopefully this guy has reevaluted the conversation and regrets opening his mouth. Especially with the reaction you gave him when he suggested you'd cheat on your hubby. My fingers are crossed this is the end of it.

But keep your eyes open for how he treats other females. If he's done it with you and doing it to her then chances are he's done it before. Likely on HR's radar!

 

[ScarletBegonias]

another fine example of a man in power abusing the privilege.

I'd report him.I don't care what sort of connections he has,as others have said,if he did it to you he definitely did it to others and who knows how far he got with his perv comments.

He should be fired.NO ONE,man or woman, should have to put up with those kinds of things from people who are in positions above theirs.It adds a ridiculous amount of pressure and stress that isn't necessary in an already stressful environment.

what a neanderthal.

 

[costa200]

Tell your husband everything. Don't hold anything back. If you do things can look bad at a later moment.

 

[ScarletBegonias]

i'm curious about why you didn't run right home and tell your husband everything?why trickle truth him about this? do you feel it's somehow your fault this happened?? I certainly hope that isn't the case.

i would have been way too livid to keep the story to myself.

 

[JJG]

Wow, really sounds like you are making a mountian out of a mole hill. Just dont engage in those sorts of jokes and people will stop making them to you.

 

[2ntnuf]

The difficult thing is, nothing may happen to him if you tell HR. I'm sure he has a pretty good standing at the school. They will tend to believe him before you.

It is a dilemma which could get worse if you are not careful. You need to tell your husband everything. You are not at fault.

 

[Liam]

You should definitely tell your husband everything. I'm actually curious as to why you didn't?

I can't stress enough how much I dislike people like this guy that not only think they're god's gift, but completely disrespect other people's relationships It sounds like you are in a difficult position in terms of reporting his behaviour, but I'm sure in time he will be exposed.

 

[Chris Taylor]

You didn't shoot him down on the first pass, so he continued to harass you.

I would suggest your husband come pick you up one day and you introduce him to this a-hole.

 

[IrishGirlVA]

I'm guessing you didn't tell your husband about the cheating comment because you didn't want to plant a seed in his head needlessly. That sort of tells me that your husband may have, or had, trust issues with either you or other women in his past. Or maybe you are projecting your own feelings of how you'd feel if your husband said something like that to you.

But here's the question --- Is it too late to come clean? Would it be more suspicious now by her telling him she withheld this information? If he's a suspicious person to begin with this would only get him more riled up. He'd now wonder even more if there was truth to it since she didn't mention it.

(And yes, my question is based on my own projections! I admit it. The jig is up! )

 

[Ten_year_hubby]

He said, "I almost didn't offer this to you because you're a lot of fun to flirt with." I was shocked and I started to laugh because that made me nervous. Then he says, "It's true I said it, I like to flirt with you."

So as I was leaving for the interview I start to tell him why I'm back in school. He cuts me off with his own guesses, and then he really crosses the line. "To cheat on your husband." Then he laughed.

Anyway I'm trying to avoid this guy as much as possible.

I've told my husband most of what has happened except for the cheating comment. Any advice would be great.

Bonbons,

It's sad that there is so much of this stuff out there, but unless you can live in a bubble, whenever you engage the outside world at large you are going to find yourself confronted with things that will make you feel uncomfortable. It's your responsibility to develop a healthy way to deal with this and the sooner the better. My humble suggestion is that you bring this to your husband and ask if you could work together on how you should respond. Choosing to taking this upon yourself instead of taking it in relationship is the first of the many assaults on the marital bond you and your husband are going to face.

 

[Airbus]

Report the effer. Sounds like he's in some sort of position of authority; and that's not allowed. Report him.

 

[thunderstruck]

Pay no attention to his flirting and he'll back off.

Maybe...but more likely he will continue to flirt b/c he's getting off on this. He thinks he has a green light due to his position + the fact that the OP didn't cut him off at the knees when this first happened.

I'm guessing this isn't the first time he's done this, and he's probably had at least one grateful student who gave him positive feedback.

 

[Bonbons]

Thanks everyone for the input. I didn't tell my husband because I didn't want any trouble. He knows the guy has been flirting with me and I've been telling him everything else. This also has me wondering how many others he's hit on. There aren't many women in this program, so I can't really gather information.

I'm not used to being flirted with so when I hear comments I tend to let it roll off of my shoulders. I don't respond, and I walk away. Sometimes comments catch me so off guard that I don't know how to respond. It's kind of like when you think of a great comeback an hour later and you beat yourself up because you should have thought of that.

Anyway now I'm on my guard for anything else. I'm lying low and avoiding this guy. If there is a next time I will make it very clear for him to back off.

 

[sinnister]

WTF??!!

So this guy goes out of his way to help you, uses his well earned connections to get you work and you repy him by having morals!!!!

You did well to tell your husband OP. And avoiding him is a good plan. He's a loser.