Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 43 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
9 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello!

I am a 18 year old girl and has a 55 year old male teacher, whom is married and also has two adopted children. He is my teacher in history and social sciences and we really have the same interests in the subjects such special literature and genealogy. We often talks around 1 hours 2-3 times per week, the last 6-7 weeks. He says I am his best student ever, I am a star on the sky and stuff like that. He smiles a lot at me, and I feel/think he is kind of flirty.

The last 6-7 weeks we have talked a lot alone in his room (around 15-20 times) with the door closed, and when I am about to leave he raises up and hugs me everytime. Two-armed hugs. Our cheeks touched each others once. Quite erotic hugs I would say.. but I don't really know.

Once he also took my hand after the hug and said something like "take care of you" and smiled a lot and with intensively eye-contact. Another time after a hug he called me his soulmate and smiled. He has also put a hand a little bit over my hip two times when I took my hand on his shoulder.

Although he has never kissed me or something like that. Why?

It can also be said how he only hugs me when we are alone in his room with the door closed. Never in the corridor or if the door happens to be open.

Furthermore, I think he is very disappointed about his work as a teacher, often tell me how he is tired of everything and the messy classes he teach. And wants to be a professor and stuff like that, but says it is too late..

Is our "relation" inappropriate or is it normal? Why is he doing what he is doing - do you think he wants me sexual or is he just being friendly/parently?

It happens at a swedish school, if it matters. And sorry for my bad english.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,361 Posts
Your relationship veered into unprofessional territory by American standards. Teachers are in a position to influence their younger students, and his behaviors are crossing an ethical line.

The door should remain open when you meet if you're not discussing confidential information. There should be no physical contact. His disappointment with his job is not something he should be discussing "on company time" with his students. And that's purely IF his intentions are honorable.

The hugs and flirty comments are way beyond professional.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
637 Posts
I have to ask.... You didn't mention if you like the attention or not. Do you? If so, he may be picking up on your body language. If not, you need to be more careful.

Either way, he is putting his job at risk and your edcuation.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,357 Posts
Sounds like you are enjoying the attention. If you found it desturbing, you would not sit there talking to him for hours. And you would recoil at his touch.

Did you discuss this with your parents? How about asking him if his wife knows that you are his soul mate instead of her.

Come on - I think you know very well that this is way off base. Do you think he is a moral honest man? He has two kids and a wife and he spends hrs talking to and hugging an 18 yr girl.

He has children about your age, what 55yr old man needs a girl of his childrens age for a soul mate? What a fine man.

My advice - think about what you are doing.

Stop now. You may like the attention but you may be headed for more than you realize. Suppose he has sex with you on his mind?

It would not be romantic he would not be not thinking about romance. Don't put yourself in a compromising position. Socialize with kids your own age, it's safer.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,138 Posts
Is our "relation" inappropriate or is it normal? Why is he doing what he is doing - do you think he wants me sexual or is he just being friendly/parently?
I hope this is a serious question not something done for a joke or a laugh.

Surely you can see isn't an honorable decent teacher. 55 year old teachers don't treat 18 year old female students this way unless they want to get into trouble with the school. His behavior is completely inappropriate. Can't you see that? You're old enough to realize this. If this happened in America, I know he would lose his job and possibly face a lawsuit from the student.

Why do you allow him to touch you that way? Do you like that he pays so much attention to you?

You say much about him, but nothing really about how it makes you feel.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,044 Posts
you are in dangerous waters for student and teacher. it can be difficult for the student to express discomfort with the teacher but it is not right for a teacher to cross certain lines of behavior with a student.
I'd suggest leaving the door open if you have to meet with him. If he closes it, that is the time to let him know that makes you uncomfortable. If he insists on the door being closed that is not a good sign. At that point I would advise not having such closed door sessions with him.
I hope your class with this teacher ends soon and you can thank him for his instructing you but I would advise distancing yourself from him in the future.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
It makes me feel confused of course, because I don't know his intentions and why he is doing it.. Although I think it is more likely that he is doing it because he is sexually intreseted in me, but it could be just a way to be nice as well.

For example he has said that, if he could, he would hire me as his assisent at work and that I'm very nice etc.

But, to be honest - yes, I'm attracted to him and I like his hugs. How do you think he would react if I kissed him on his cheek after the holidays?

One more thing I feel strange about; one time (about 3-4 weeks ago) when the fire alarm went on at my school and we were in his little room talking I asked if we maybe should go out because of the firealarm, then he said like we didn't need that and that it probably wasn't a real fire and also smiled and said that we could take the way through the window in case of necessity.(his room is at the third floor). Later he received a mail which said it was a real fire so it wasn't like a fire drill and exercise. Kind of strange actually. ?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
620 Posts
I can't help but think you should be aware this behavior is innapropriate..or ARE very much aware of it, but have yet to stop it.

who hugs their teacher...erotic hugs no less....soulmate...yadda, yadda. EWWWWW!

I was 17 and knew the very second a teacher hit on me!

If you still must see him after hours, you must not continue this. the door never closes. you don't hugs goodbye. you just got a text ...have to make a call...see you next time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Furthermore, he can talk about his wife sometimes. Like once he said that he had told her about an essay I had written and so. Also, when we read and comment some old poetry once (the same meeting that he said I was his soulmate) he said something like "me and my wife used to read and comment stuff like this". That is also weird?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,871 Posts
a lot of old men lust for 18 year old because their youthful appearance is physically attractive, they are often naive, inexperienced and easy to manipulate. There is a very rare chance that he is just smitten, but more likely he is being predatorial and will escalate this to take advantage of you - he is using you, hopefully you realize it before it's too late. Either way he is behaving completely inappropriately - you haven't done anything wrong, so tell a parent or a school counselor.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,582 Posts
While I agree that his conduct is inappropriate, I wonder whether our take on the situation is more from a North American viewpoint rather than a Eurpoean one where hugging/touching is more common.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
While I agree that his conduct is inappropriate, I wonder whether our take on the situation is more from a North American viewpoint rather than a Eurpoean one where hugging/touching is more common.
Although hugging/touching is not so common in Sweden, maybe a little bit more than in North America though? More France and those countries.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,696 Posts
I'm a teacher, in Southern Europe, where we hug more and kiss on the cheek as greetings for adults of opposite sexes. But i don't know a single male teacher who would be hugging a female student like that these days. I can't see how that can be read in any other way other than something inappropriate.

And at 55 he probably still has some gunpowder left. This doesn't seem to be a fatherly thing.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,945 Posts
Hello!

I am a 18 year old girl and has a 55 year old male teacher, whom is married and also has two adopted children. He is my teacher in history and social sciences and we really have the same interests in the subjects such special literature and genealogy. We often talks around 1 hours 2-3 times per week, the last 6-7 weeks. He says I am his best student ever, I am a star on the sky and stuff like that. He smiles a lot at me, and I feel/think he is kind of flirty.
Then obviously he is.

The last 6-7 weeks we have talked a lot alone in his room (around 15-20 times) with the door closed, and when I am about to leave he raises up and hugs me everytime. Two-armed hugs. Our cheeks touched each others once. Quite erotic hugs I would say.. but I don't really know.

Once he also took my hand after the hug and said something like "take care of you" and smiled a lot and with intensively eye-contact. Another time after a hug he called me his soulmate and smiled. He has also put a hand a little bit over my hip two times when I took my hand on his shoulder.
What part of he wants to take care of you and he thinks your his soulmate is not registering as to his interest?

Although he has never kissed me or something like that. Why?

It can also be said how he only hugs me when we are alone in his room with the door closed. Never in the corridor or if the door happens to be open.
It can be said then that he know's he'll get into trouble and that it's not appropriate.

Furthermore, I think he is very disappointed about his work as a teacher, often tell me how he is tired of everything and the messy classes he teach. And wants to be a professor and stuff like that, but says it is too late..

Is our "relation" inappropriate or is it normal? Why is he doing what he is doing - do you think he wants me sexual or is he just being friendly/parently?
What are swedish laws regarding teachers and students? That's your answer.

It happens at a swedish school, if it matters. And sorry for my bad english.
RodVin there's more than one issue here. First off the innocent act does not fly. Obviously you know what he's wanting this to become. I suspect it's inappropriate from the school's pov so yes it's inappropriate. Now if you want to hook up with a 55 year old guy then I sugest you don't do it with a teacher so long as you are enrolled there.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,357 Posts
It makes me feel confused of course, because I don't know his intentions and why he is doing it.. Although I think it is more likely that he is doing it because he is sexually intreseted in me, but it could be just a way to be nice as well.

For example he has said that, if he could, he would hire me as his assisent at work and that I'm very nice etc.

But, to be honest - yes, I'm attracted to him and I like his hugs. How do you think he would react if I kissed him on his cheek after the holidays?

One more thing I feel strange about; one time (about 3-4 weeks ago) when the fire alarm went on at my school and we were in his little room talking I asked if we maybe should go out because of the firealarm, then he said like we didn't need that and that it probably wasn't a real fire and also smiled and said that we could take the way through the window in case of necessity.(his room is at the third floor). Later he received a mail which said it was a real fire so it wasn't like a fire drill and exercise. Kind of strange actually. ?
Oh I thought you were posting because you were not sure what his intentions were and that yours were innocent. It turns out that you plan to escalate things by giving him a kiss for the holiday.

You seem to know what you want so go for it. Give him a kiss on the mouth and tell him how attacted you are to him. May plan to meet up with him in his office during the vacation. I am sure he would love that.

I don't think you will have any problems if your question is wheather or not he would welcome your advances. He will and he will be thrilled.

Was that what you wanted to know? There may be some other things you need to know but you are not ready to hear them.

Have fun embarking on a journey of imaginary romance. When you wake up and find that you have been used you can go on to the next old horny professor and let him use you.

Good luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,582 Posts
Oh I thought you were posting because you were not sure what his intentions were and that yours were innocent. It turns out that you plan to escalate things by giving him a kiss for the holiday.

You seem to know what you want so go for it. Give him a kiss on the mouth and tell him how attacted you are to him. May plan to meet up with him in his office during the vacation. I am sure he would love that.

I don't think you will have any problems if your question is wheather or not he would welcome your advances. He will and he will be thrilled.

Was that what you wanted to know? There may be some other things you need to know but you are not ready to hear them.

Have fun embarking on a journey of imaginary romance. When you wake up and find that you have been used you can go on to the next old horny professor and let him use you.

Good luck.
Yeah, I think Catherine is right on this. OP is waiting for all of us to say "go for it". Good luck with that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
No, I am not sure what his intentions are. That is why I asked. I don't think I would dare to kiss him although. Maybe on the cheek. And, in that case, after the holidays, in January... I don't know what to do.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,453 Posts
It sounds as though you're flattered by your teacher's attention and not particularly disturbed by it. However, his behaviour is inappropriate on several levels and you need to stop being alone with him.

Teachers don't hug and rub their faces against those of their students, and they certainly don't talk about being "soulmates" with them.

At 18 you're old enough to know that you're playing with fire. Stop it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Cletus

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,372 Posts
No, I am not sure what his intentions are. That is why I asked. I don't think I would dare to kiss him although. Maybe on the cheek. And, in that case, after the holidays, in January... I don't know what to do.
Ewww! A 55 year old man and a teenager? That's just :wtf:

He should know better. Not just because he's older and married, but because, as a teacher, he's in a position of authority and influence over young people and he should not be abusing his position this way.

You? I don't know. Why do you want to be with an old man? Do you have daddy issues?
 
1 - 20 of 43 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top