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Wife and I are trying to work things out, she had an EA a few months ago and has given me the "I love you but not in love with you speech". I keep thinking that her thoughts of the other person are clouding her decision.

I have these feelings that I'd like for the shoe to be on the other foot. I don't want to cheat, just to make her a little jealous. Have her find a note or an e-mail. Something to get her thinking that she doesn't have complete control of the situation and that there might just be someone out there that appreciates me. Is this just wrong?
 

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My feeling is that you need to keep everything as honest and as open as possible. Leading her to believe you are potentially involved with some one else could be classified as playing head games. A more appropriate approach would be to show her you love her but if things don’t work out you will be fine without her. Check out the book Love must be Tough by James Dobson. It will give you ways to reach her in the way you wish to. To have her take notice of you and possibly see what she stands to lose but it can also help you to better understand the impact of a break up and prepare your self for it. Good luck.
 

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I don't think it's wrong to have those feelings, especially if you are feeling that she doesn't get how deeply she has hurt you. However, acting on those feelings will only make your situation worse. What may help you is to focus on yourself, whether it's how you dress, exercise, etc. The better you take care of yourself the better you will feel and it also has the benefit of being an attractive trait, especially if it helps you to believe that there most likely is someone out there that appreciates you!
 

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I have been in a situation kind of like yours. I found out my husband had an ad for himself on adultfriendfinder. He said he was single and looking but ok with casual sex. I think the first thing that crossed my mind was to find the first guy I could and sleep with him though this was quick to pass. The next was to create an account and see if he would respond to someone. In the end I decided against that as well. Playing games in a relationship tends to do more harm then good. I confronted him and I think that was the right course of action. You acting like you are cheating might drive her into the arms of someone else again. I think the other persons advise of being good to yourself is the best idea. By not needing her to feel good might just be the wake up call she needs. Whatever you decide I hope it works out for you.
 

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Your feelings are normal but are not going to solve the problem at hand. Your best bet is to find out why you were not the person she turned to for intimacy. This is a symptom of something wrong with the relationship, making her jealous is just going to make things worse. Talk, discuss, find out what is wrong and why she strayed.
 

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I was always affraid to make my man jealous or give n e reason to think cause then he would have another excuse to keep cheating.

I keep hearing cheating is a symptom...how the heck do you find out whats causing them to cheat? I just keep getting blamed and dont know is it really my fault or is he just a narcisistic psychopath
 

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Wife and I are trying to work things out,

I have these feelings that I'd like for the shoe to be on the other foot. I don't want to cheat, just to make her a little jealous. Have her find a note or an e-mail. Something to get her thinking that she doesn't have complete control of the situation and that there might just be someone out there that appreciates me. Is this just wrong?
It's inauthentic. It's fake. It's manipulative. It's aggressive. It's a lie. It's you against her.

That doesn't sound like a path to reconciliation. If you're truly trying to work things out, you can't be working against it.

If you want her to see you differently, you have to behave differently. But not through deception.
 
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