[lynx]

Just curious for thoughts ...

When I proposed to my wife 11 years ago, not much thought or planning went into it. We had been dating for 5 years, and she knew it was coming ..because I asked her to go pick out the ring with me ... so, I ended up asking her in her apartment, right before bed time .. and while she doesn't harp on it, I know from the fact that she brings it up from time to time (that it wasn't romantic) that it's probably a source of long-term resentment for her ..

So ..I'm thinking of a redo .. but not sure of a few things..

..if I ask her again, should I plan on another wedding ceremony?

..should I present another ring, or somehow get her a bigger diamond for her existing one?


Any thoughts appreciated ...

 

[CandieGirl]

Wow, I never thought of something like a re-do on a marriage proposal...my H popped the question on the couch when we were living in our sh!tty basement apartment. No ring, no planning, no romance. But I said yes right there and then, and I remember it fondly regardless.

Why are you thinking of doing this? Is it a bone of contention in your relationship 11 years in?

 

[anotherguy]

I have thought of this too.

I proposed out in the middle of a lake - and I was so damn nervous and so excited at the same time that I totally flubbed it. I hadnt thought about it.. beside the fact that it was going to be that week we were traveling. We had been living together for 5 years, so it was time and frankly - some of the 'surprise' just wasnt going to be there at that point. She knew what the ring was for and instantly started laughing and crying and what did I say?

"Well"? I said.

She said "Yes!"

Groan.

gads. She mentioned once..(just once) about 10 years ago, 20 years since the day, that "you never even asked me", and it has been bothering me ever since.

And these dont help ease the guilt. Even though they are cheesy. Women love the cheese. They are, without exception suckers for sap.. and this is all good and groovy and righeous.

Best marriage proposal ever! Meme proposal (Congrats to Tim and Audrey!) - YouTube

Best marriage proposal ever? - YouTube

So I will probably do the 'renew the vows' thing at the least. Maybe I will do it with some family and friends and "re-ask" the question on bended knee and apologize for being a stooge. I think she would love it - and it might make me feel better too - even if its silly and cheesy and there is no need.

I mean.. we are talking a few million brownie points too, right?

My wife would't give 2 craps about a bigger diamond - but thats just her, she has no interest. The putting it on the line - the public display - the public proclimation of affection and love - that what would really get her. I bet she would be blubbering like baby.

 

[lynx]

I don't think it's a big issue for her, but I get embarrassed when her friends tell these extravagant stories of proposals on the beach, etc., and she tells them I'm not very romantic and just asked in her apartment after dinner one night.

I think you're right ..it's probably about the public display, more than anything else. I don't think a bigger diamond would matter much, either. I was just thinking, if I'm going to propose again, I have to present her with something .. she'll be wearing the ring I already gave her ..so what could this something be? Jewelry of some sort, I guess.

Also ..the friends and family is great ..trying to imagine how I can get a group of them together in a romantic setting to re-pop the question.

 

[anotherguy]

you could look up 'ring wraps' if you are going to do the jewelry thing.. and if she has a ring it would work with.

As for getting everyone together - I would think it would be easy to fake a 'dinner for 2' into a rented room that holds 10 or 20.

 

[nandosbella]

Call me materialistic... But i think a new and/or bigger ring/stone is a great idea. My first ring was very small .5 c solitaire. Nice.... But not what i wanted. He upgraded me after a year and i was too excited.

As far as planning another wedding? I wouldnt go that far, but i would consider some type of eloping situation so you can renew your vows privately. Maybe vegas? Or fall is coming.... The possibilities with the changing leaves are endless!

Im so excited for you! This a great idea!
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[Mavash.]

My husband asked me over dinner and the part where he thinks it's cool to take our kids there to show them where we got engaged is enough cheesiness for me.

 

[Bellavista]

I think there are probably more 'ordinary' proposals, than OTT romantic ones.
I don't recall my H proposing, what I can remember is him saying, ' My mother said we should not get married until I am 21 & you are 19 or older'..
So I said, 'Ok, we will get engaged a week after your 21st & get married a week after I am 19.'
I just went forward with the plans from there.
Personally, I would not expect another 'proposal' from my H, but I think you could surprise her with a nice anniversary get away & a new ring.

 

[CandieGirl]

Well, everyone is different! Our proposal fit in with the rest of our entire wedding: small and intimate. He had my engagement ring custom made using a green tourmaline gemstone he picked up in Namibia, years before. So no diamond! Nothing was traditional; but I loved it all nonetheless.

I think a new ring is a nice idea for your wife, though.

 

[lynx]

Some really good ideas here!

I like the idea of going to dinner for 2, and ending up somewhere with a room full of friends and family. I think the idea of "eloping" after that for a getaway weekend, perhaps to Vegas, is great.

As far as the ring goes ... what about getting something custom made. .and just giving her another ring ..not a replacement for the wedding or engagement ring, just something that symbolizes our lives together so far that she can wear on the other hand?

Thanks for the ideas, everyone!

 

[wiigirl]

Call me materialistic... But i think a new and/or bigger ring/stone is a great idea. My first ring was very small .5 c solitaire. Nice.... But not what i wanted. He upgraded me after a year and i was too excited.

As far as planning another wedding? I wouldnt go that far, but i would consider some type of eloping situation so you can renew your vows privately. Maybe vegas? Or fall is coming.... The possibilities with the changing leaves are endless!

Im so excited for you! This a great idea!
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Never a bad idea...

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[DTO]

If it really bothers you that your marriage proposal was sub-par and you want to re-do it, go for it. But, I would make sure that you are doing it because you want to, not because your wife is pressuring you to do so.

The point of marriage is to build a life, not demand a public show or large expenditures. IMO, too many women place too much emphasis on the engagement and wedding, seeing it as the pinnacle rather than the beginning. I'll be honest - seeing ladies wax on the "4 C's" and such leaves a bad taste.

So, if a lady is giving her guy crap about a sub-par proposal, too-small diamond, etc. several years after the marriage I would be suspicious of the motives and possibly hesitant to provide.

 

[KellyK]

I think many women would be heartbroken to have their engagement ring changed in any way, even if it was considered an "upgrade."

Your idea for a ring for her right hand is very sweet.

Perhaps on your next anniversary you could give her an eternity band, an anniversary ring, or a three stone ring.

 

[livnlearn]

26+ years ago my husbands proposal went something like "should we get married BEFORE we tell our parents you are pregnant?" I've never looked back or been bothered by it, however since you think that your wife is secretly bothered, I think it is very sweet of you to want to do something to make it right for her.:smthumbup:

 

[SimplyAmorous]

I can hardly remember my proposal, we talked about getting married so darn often, we shopped for rings together, then he suddenly surprised me with the one I showed the most enthusiasm for shortly after that Mall stroll.... I remember thinking - He spent TOO MUCH... it was sweet... but OH MY!!! We were just sitting on his bed, nothing spectacular. He pretty much knew my answer anyway.

It's so much more than going back to a moment we feel we missed... just create NEW moments that live in our hearts, moments in the here & now...

It is very romantic & thoughtful of you to want to make that up for her though....

How about this ...Take it a little step further..... Have you ever thought of making a "Windows Mover Maker Video" ...scanning pics of all your yrs together...add a sappy love song that FITS the 2 of you ( wedding song?) or another that expresses your

all these years later ...idea >>>

I Could Not Ask For More - YouTube

..... then after she watches this (have the kleenex ready)......maybe you can say something about how you wanted to make that proposal up to her...maybe surprise her with a new peice of jewelry - a necklace with your kids on it ?? A ring with you & her stones ?? And how you would do it all over again.. ..how you love her more every year... Songs like that are out there -but I can't think of them at the moment.

Some Love song ideas from one of my older threads >>> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/social-spot/11793-please-list-some-your-favorite-love-songs-here.html

 

[costa200]

"Well"? I said.

She said "Yes!"

:rofl:

I like your style

 

[Coffee Amore]

My husband's wedding proposal wasn't romantic either. We had dated for a long time and talked about marriage. We knew we would eventually get married. I don't even remember exactly what he said in his marriage proposal but there definitely wasn't a proposal on bended knee at some candle lit romantic dinner. We were driving to the gym in the evening after college, and I think he said "so how about it?" and I said something like "marriage?", he said "yeah" and I said "Ok."
:rofl:

 

[heavensangel]

There's NOTHING more romantic than a Husband asking his Wife to marry him AGAIN! It's like telling her no matter what you two have been through, you'd do it all over again to share it with her!!!!! I say GO FOR IT!!!!

At that point, it wouldn't matter to me who was present or how big the event was. Just knowing he'd choose me all over again would be all I'd need.

 

[ShatteredinAL]

Know how my "proposal" went? We dated for 3+ years. I pointed out a ring that I liked in the mall to him. I think he felt guilty so he bought it. Later that night, in the parking lot of a movie theatre, he opens the box and says "here, put this on before we lose it". Don't feel bad about yours.

 

[jaquen]

Propose again because you truly want to, not because you "have" to.

But it's a very touching idea that I'm sure she'll love. I executed a very romantic, intimate, very "her" proposal, and we had a dream wedding in Italy.

And still, likely on our 10th, I want to propose again and remarry. I believe it can be almost as special as the first time, if you do it right, and for the right reasons.