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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I'm new to this forum... I hope someone can help me pinpoint why I'm doing the wrong things. My husband and I have been married for over a year and a half. We just had our first child in April... I haven't been to work so I've been surfing the internet and spending time on Facebook all day. We're members of a particular group which is mostly people our age who post memes and other randomness. One day out of the week is meant for posting freaky things like nudes or sexual stories or whatever. I don't really do that but I used to have the Whisper app on my phone. Something I did for fun was pretend to be a guy or use another woman's name... One of my postings on the app mentioned how I was "willing to do illegal things to pay off debt" and of course -- I got a ton of replies from men asking about it. Prostitution is obviously just implied as I wasn't specific at all about what I would do. I ended up entertaining a conversation where I declined an offer to go out of state. After I told the person no, he sent me an unsolicited picture of his penis. So I posted the conversation to the group page as I'd done with other conversations.

My husband doesn't check his social media often so he didn't know about the previous conversations. He was very upset and we got into an argument. I apologized and removed Whisper from my phone. The following week, someone in the FB group posted a short video about a woman who was involved in financial domination or findom. She basically made her living by having men send her money. I did some minimal research and opened a new FetLife account to try it out. I only made contact with one person but it didn't get anywhere. My husband found out about this by going through my phone and my browser history. We just talked about it and he wasn't happy. He thinks that it doesn't matter at this point what I do because I'm just going to do what I want. I ended up deleting that account tonight too.

The last thing that happened which I think he's unhappy about it that I went to a forum about obese husbands and sexless marriages. Our sex life is decent but it's been a bit rough lately since our child was born. His weight plays a minute factor. I've never viewed my husband as an unattractive man. I am worried about his weight and his health though. I've never even thought about an affair. But now that this has all occurred, I feel like he's even more unhappy... especially with me. Worst case is that he just gets fed up with me and leaves me and our baby. How can I stop making stupid decisions and show him that I mean it when I say I'm sorry for what I did wrong?
 

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You stop making stupid decisions by not taking any action until you have really thought about it.

Like don't open any online account, or do any of that sort of stuff for 24 to 48 hours after you have the urge and/or thought to do it.

I do this with shopping. If I see something that I really want, I wait 24 hours to buy it. I figure if I still want it in 24 hours and it's worth getting in the car and driving to the store for, then I'll get it. 99% of the time, I could care less about the thing by the next day.

Do something like that about these things you are doing.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
You stop making stupid decisions by not taking any action until you have really thought about it.

Like don't open any online account, or do any of that sort of stuff for 24 to 48 hours after you have the urge and/or thought to do it.

I do this with shopping. If I see something that I really want, I wait 24 hours to buy it. I figure if I still want it in 24 hours and it's worth getting in the car and driving to the store for, then I'll get it. 99% of the time, I could care less about the thing by the next day.

Do something like that about these things you are doing.
That's actually really smart... Not making a decision until 24 hours later.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Works for me all the time.


Are you bored at home with a home with a kid?
Yeah... that was the reason I gave for posting the Whisper convo online. But after I said it it sounded kind of dumb. At that time, he said he was worried about what else I'd do if I got bored. Being home by myself with an infant isn't a bad thing. I like being home but it's a different feeling when he's actually here. I like when we're both home better than when he's not here.
 

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How about starting by asking your husband about any decision that affects your marriage before you do anything. You are not all of a sudden going to become smart about your choices in life. That will take time and a lot of work but by then it may be too late. Seems like all your bad choices have something to do with sex and I have a feeling that your story minimizes that aspect. Findom is not just about money. It is about dominating desperate men for money in return for a picture of you or perhaps buying you something sexy. You become their mistress and instead of a whip, you take their money to dominate them. Professional mistresses list that as one of their services along with all the other sexual domination stuff. Seems that all of your bad choices have something to do with sex and I have a feeling that it was not all very innocent as you say. Everything you do has to do with sex in one form or another. No wonder your husband has had it with you. Hopefully you are an intelligent person who can work this out. If not, your future will not be very good. I have seen women go from making bad choices to becoming very successful in all that they do. I have also seen women who continue to make bad choices the rest of their lives. They never learn from their mistakes.
 
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Honest advice, you should quit the utterly destructive force called social media and get out more. What you're posting seems more than a bit childish.

Young child or not, my best friend lives in an incredibly remote area and after her first, managed to join mommy meetup groups that would organize park walks and other outings together.

Sitting on social media all day is satisfying your brain (dopamine), but it'll destroy your marriage, JMO.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Honest advice, you should quit the utterly destructive force called social media and get out more. What you're posting seems more than a bit childish.

Young child or not, my best friend lives in an incredibly remote area and after her first, managed to join mommy meetup groups that would organize park walks and other outings together.

Sitting on social media all day is satisfying your brain (dopamine), but it'll destroy your marriage, JMO.
I've definitely considered that. Shutting down social media for awhile would force me find another way to spend my time. I wouldn't mind hanging out with other first time moms, moms in general (who aren't my relatives), or other married couples. I really don't want us to separate because of something so stupid and we're still starting out. Neither of us have any intention on raising our daughter separately... so I have a lot to do if I want to make sure this works.
 

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You definitely should remove yourself from this group that has Freaky Wednesday (or whatever day it is). You're liking the attention that you're getting & are feeding off of it, even if it's shocking & destructive. Get off the group and start thinking about what you're about to do before you do it. Put the vision of your husband & child into your mind and ask yourself how they would feel if you do whatever it is you're about to do. Then, act accordingly.
 

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OP, you and your husband need to sit down together and talk about what each of you thinks are rational boundaries for your marriage. That should have happened before the two of you tied the knot, but as it apparently didn't, then you need to have that conversation now. Find out what he wants his marriage to look like. Let him know what you'd like your marriage to look like. See if you two can agree on a common vision.

What is cheating? Is anything but actual PIV intercourse okay, or would something like oral sex be off-limits? How about making out - kissing, groping, etc.? Is sending out sexually explicit pictures of yourself okay? Would interacting online in a sexual way via web-cam or even just chat, with a member of the opposite sex, be cheating? Is having opposite sex friends that you spend time alone with acceptable? Is talking about your marital relationship and/or sex life with opposite sex friends okay? Is sharing the intimate and explicit details of your sexual relationship with others acceptable? Do either you believe that emotional affairs are actually cheating, and if so then what constitutes an emotional affair?

There's a lot to be considered when two people try to enter into a long-term relationship. You and your husband need to get on the same page regarding the nature of your marriage. Or, if you two find that you cannot agree on a set of boundaries that's acceptable to you both, you may find it simply better to go ahead and cut your losses sooner rather than later. There's no real future in a marriage where fundamental beliefs regarding what constitutes monogamy, and infidelity, are incompatible.
 
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So basically, you receive d!c p!cs, sign up for kinky sh!t and bad mouth his weight and sexual performance to another load of strangers. Way to go.

Yeah... that was the reason I gave for posting the Whisper convo online. But after I said it it sounded kind of dumb. At that time, he said he was worried about what else I'd do if I got bored.
So what was the real reason?

I'd have left you after the d!c p!c and fought for primary care.
 

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someone in the FB group posted a short video about a woman who was involved in financial domination or findom. She basically made her living by having men send her money. I did some minimal research and opened a new FetLife account to try it out. I only made contact with one person but it didn't get anywhere.
Was this an idea for you to make some money also?

Are you struggling financially since having the baby and not working?


Sent from my F3311 using Tapatalk
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
So basically, you receive d!c p!cs, sign up for kinky sh!t and bad mouth his weight and sexual performance to another load of strangers. Way to go.



So what was the real reason?

I'd have left you after the d!c p!c and fought for primary care.
1. You're a **** who can't read. The reason was boredom, like I said. Also, I didn't ask for the **** pic, the guy sent it to me without permission just like any other online *********. Any other woman can vouch that they've gotten some type of unwanted photo or message.

2. There's nothing wrong with signing up for kinky **** if that's what you're into.

3. I never "badmouthed his weight and sexual performance" just cause I said I went to a website. The name of the forum is "obese husbands and sexless marriages" that doesn't mean I think my marriage is sexless. If you have to know -- third trimester pregnancy, a caesarean, and recovery has made it uncomfortable for me to have sex.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 · (Edited)
Was this an idea for you to make some money also?

Are you struggling financially since having the baby and not working?


Sent from my F3311 using Tapatalk
Yes, it was just an idea. We're not really struggling. I make decent money at my job. I just wanted something extra. My work schedule doesn't allow me to get a normal part time job.
 

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2. There's nothing wrong with signing up for kinky **** if that's what you're into.
.

Respectfully, this is a very big assumption to make and is likely the main reason why you find yourself asking advice about the situation you in which you currently find yourself...
 
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