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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I finally left my drunk ex last December 21. On that day he had been drunk for 8 days straight and fell down the stairs. I called an ambulance because he was bleeding profusely. The first responders were police officer who arrested me because, in his drunk state, he said I pushed him down the stairs and attacked him with a bottle. The charges were dropped but I never went back.
We had a business together, I tried to keep it going but realized that I was doing all the work and he was doing all the drinking for half the money I was making. So I stopped that relationship too.
For a few months I felt sorry for him, so continued to do his billing and accounting reports, but when he was more drunk than sober and could not provide me with the documentation I needed, I stopped that too.
On March 27 I sent him one final email telling him that not only is the personal relationship over (that was told to him over and over again in calls, texts and emails) but so was the business relationship. I did it in an email because, as a drunk, he has a tendency to forget what I say. I then blocked his number so I am not getting his texts or calls but he can still leave me voicemails.
I don't know what triggered him yesterday as I have not had any contact with him since March 27, but he has left many voicemails, none of them very nice.
I am trying really hard not to respond in any way. I know that I was an enabler and continued to be after the end of the relationship, always trying to help to make sure he had a good handle on the company which I gave him my shares of.
I don't know how long I am supposed to let him continue to verbally abuse me over voicemails. I had 18 years of verbal abuse when he was drunk and I was really hoping that this would stop after the relationship ended, but it has not.
I actually don't understand what he wants from me, he has had a girlfriend since the beginning of March which he was nice enough to announce on Facebook for the world to see. I was happy for him, a bit annoyed that he had found someone so quickly, but understood that he cannot live alone and so, if he had someone other than me, he would leave me alone, but no, having a girlfriend has not stopped the abuse towards me.
I did think of getting a restraining order, but that would, in my warped mind (or his, not quite sure) be a link between us which I don't want. I can continue to not respond to his voicemails, I have been doing so for almost a month now, but it's the feeling I get when I hear the voicemails, the anger and the anguish I feel. I want to help but I know I can't. I want to call him and scream at him, but I know I can't. So I don't.
How long is this going to last? How can I get over the anger when he calls without letting it ruin my entire day. I want nothing to do with him, I have made that very clear, in writing, but he just doesn't get it.
What can I do? I'm opened to any suggestion.
 

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Keep ignoring him. One little answer will open the floodgates and he'll harass you nonstop.

The gf probably doesn't provide much of the support you did. She's most certainly not running his business while he drinks.

If you ignore him he'll eventually stop, though he may try again in spurts. Keep your sense of humor and share this with your friends.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Keep ignoring him. One little answer will open the floodgates and he'll harass you nonstop.

The gf probably doesn't provide much of the support you did. She's most certainly not running his business while he drinks.

If you ignore him he'll eventually stop, though he may try again in spurts. Keep your sense of humor and share this with your friends.
Thank you. It takes a lot out of me to not answer his voicemails, but you are absolutely right, whenever I answered in the past it was ridiculous, he could call me 10 to 15 times in one day, the more drunk he gets, the more he calls, the more abusive the calls are.
Any tips on not letting these calls ruin my days?
 

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Can you move?

Can you go out of state, change your phone number?

His new GF is new, but not dumb, it seems.

Then again, eve if she is willing she does not have your knowledge.

This is why your EX is still after you.

You were his reluctant enabler, likely his last.

Unless, even the monkey on his back tires of those alky fumes and dumps soberness.

Slim chance, that man is gone, long dissolved by that hydroxl group of ethanol spirits.
 

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Thank you. It takes a lot out of me to not answer his voicemails, but you are absolutely right, whenever I answered in the past it was ridiculous, he could call me 10 to 15 times in one day, the more drunk he gets, the more he calls, the more abusive the calls are.
Any tips on not letting these calls ruin my days?
Keep your sense of humor and laugh at how ridiculous and pathetic he is.

My scumbag ex is much older then me and at 65 still wears a cheap black toupee. The rest of him is grey but he's holding on to the toupee. My friends and I call him ****ty toupee guy 🤣

Among other communication attempts he sent me a birthday card after I divorced him, then followed up with emails wanting to know why I didn't thank him.

Really? Maybe if that cheap **** had included a gift card I might have considered it, but he didn't so **** him. I'm laughing as I type this.

Share with friends and laugh at how stupid he is.
 

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Why not block him on your phone? I mean, what need is there to have communication with him?

If you have a legal thing you need to communicate, let your lawyer do it. If it's not legal...it's not really all that necessary, is it? Just block him and stop being his abuse release valve.

Just so you know, it's okay to do that. And if he does not stop, I'd say print out the transcripts of the abusive voicemails, send ONE formal "cease and desist" letter demanding an end to all attempts at communication in any way, and then if he does even one more--go get a restraining order.

If he stops--you're free to live a peaceful life! If he doesn't, you can have the judge and the police to enforce the court's order to leave you alone. It's not you being a "mean person"--it is a JUDGE who saw how he is behaving toward you and said that is not appropriate, and THE JUDGE will empower the police to enforce the judge's order.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Can you move?

Can you go out of state, change your phone number?

His new GF is new, but not dumb, it seems.

Then again, eve if she is willing she does not have your knowledge.

This is why your EX is still after you.

You were his reluctant enabler, likely his last.

Unless, even the monkey on his back tires of those alky fumes and dumps soberness.

Slim chance, that man is gone, long dissolved by that hydroxl group of ethanol spirits.
I have moved and he doesn't know my address. After I got arrested I moved in with my son for a few weeks until I found an apartment close to my son. It is very likely my ex thinks that I am still living with my son and that's fine by me.
I thought about changing my phone number but that would be a last ditch effort as I have had the same number for over 15 years and I use it for my job.
Honestly, I did believe that after I left it would be his bottom and he would sober up, but that was not to be. I wouldn't gone back regardless, but it would've been good for him.
 

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Thank you. It takes a lot out of me to not answer his voicemails, but you are absolutely right, whenever I answered in the past it was ridiculous, he could call me 10 to 15 times in one day, the more drunk he gets, the more he calls, the more abusive the calls are.
Any tips on not letting these calls ruin my days?
Remind yourself, it is not him that is calling.

The caller is thirsty and sees his end coming.

What you hear is echoes.
Echoes of what is inevitably coming.

His landing even lower, his standing weaker.

Topple-over times will become more closely spaced.

Or, a big if, he sees his error and sobers up.

Yes, very unlikely.

He needs to be institutionalized.

Did I mention willingly?
Uh, no.


Likely, the only thing that will save him will be abject poverty.

Any enablers will pitch quarters at him.

Sad, just freaking sad.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Keep your sense of humor and laugh at how ridiculous and pathetic he is.

My scumbag ex is much older then me and at 65 still wears a cheap black toupee. The rest of him is grey but he's holding on to the toupee. My friends and I call him ****ty toupee guy 🤣

Among other communication attempts he sent me a birthday card after I divorced him, then followed up with emails wanting to know why I didn't thank him.

Really? Maybe if that cheap ** had included a gift card I might have considered it, but he didn't so ** him. I'm laughing as I type this.

Share with friends and laugh at how stupid he is.
You make me laugh. He is pathetic. It is very pathetic that at 55 he cannot make a meal, clean a house or do his laundry. It is also pathetic that at 55 he cannot take care of his own financial business. He is pathetic and I do hope he will let go and just forget my number.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Remind yourself, it is not him that is calling.

The caller is thirsty and sees his end coming.

What you hear is echoes.
Echoes of what is inevitably coming.

His landing even lower, his standing weaker.

Topple-over times will become more closely spaced.

Or, a big if, he sees his error and sobers up.

Yes, very unlikely.

He needs to be institutionalized.

Did I mention willingly?
Uh, no.


Likely, the only thing that will save him will be abject poverty.

Any enablers will pitch quarters at him.

Sad, just freaking sad.
I know that he cannot be sent to rehab against his will (I actually did call a rehab after he sent me to jail). I don't know what will be his undoing, I know that he preferred being drunk to being with me and that is sad.
 

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I finally left my drunk ex last December 21. On that day he had been drunk for 8 days straight and fell down the stairs. I called an ambulance because he was bleeding profusely. The first responders were police officer who arrested me because, in his drunk state, he said I pushed him down the stairs and attacked him with a bottle. The charges were dropped but I never went back.
We had a business together, I tried to keep it going but realized that I was doing all the work and he was doing all the drinking for half the money I was making. So I stopped that relationship too.
For a few months I felt sorry for him, so continued to do his billing and accounting reports, but when he was more drunk than sober and could not provide me with the documentation I needed, I stopped that too.
On March 27 I sent him one final email telling him that not only is the personal relationship over (that was told to him over and over again in calls, texts and emails) but so was the business relationship. I did it in an email because, as a drunk, he has a tendency to forget what I say. I then blocked his number so I am not getting his texts or calls but he can still leave me voicemails.
I don't know what triggered him yesterday as I have not had any contact with him since March 27, but he has left many voicemails, none of them very nice.
I am trying really hard not to respond in any way. I know that I was an enabler and continued to be after the end of the relationship, always trying to help to make sure he had a good handle on the company which I gave him my shares of.
I don't know how long I am supposed to let him continue to verbally abuse me over voicemails. I had 18 years of verbal abuse when he was drunk and I was really hoping that this would stop after the relationship ended, but it has not.
I actually don't understand what he wants from me, he has had a girlfriend since the beginning of March which he was nice enough to announce on Facebook for the world to see. I was happy for him, a bit annoyed that he had found someone so quickly, but understood that he cannot live alone and so, if he had someone other than me, he would leave me alone, but no, having a girlfriend has not stopped the abuse towards me.
I did think of getting a restraining order, but that would, in my warped mind (or his, not quite sure) be a link between us which I don't want. I can continue to not respond to his voicemails, I have been doing so for almost a month now, but it's the feeling I get when I hear the voicemails, the anger and the anguish I feel. I want to help but I know I can't. I want to call him and scream at him, but I know I can't. So I don't.
How long is this going to last? How can I get over the anger when he calls without letting it ruin my entire day. I want nothing to do with him, I have made that very clear, in writing, but he just doesn't get it.
What can I do? I'm opened to any suggestion.
You can block him from your phone number, and that's what you should do. If it's a cellphone, download a free app like Hiya and it will block numbers if you want it to. If it's on your home phone or office phone, depending on the provider, most of them provide you a way to block a certain number of phone calls. Like
AT&T it's 100 phone calls. All you need to do is access your phone features and sign in and use them. If it's someone else who provides no blocking services, call them and tell them they need to block him. I had to do it with a poor mentally ill random woman who somehow thought she knew the person at my phone number. It's simple to block people on the phone. Do it! You can also block texts if you have the right texting app. "Messages" does it that comes with most android cellphones.
 
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Why not block him on your phone? I mean, what need is there to have communication with him?

If you have a legal thing you need to communicate, let your lawyer do it. If it's not legal...it's not really all that necessary, is it? Just block him and stop being his abuse release valve.

Just so you know, it's okay to do that. And if he does not stop, I'd say print out the transcripts of the abusive voicemails, send ONE formal "cease and desist" letter demanding an end to all attempts at communication in any way, and then if he does even one more--go get a restraining order.

If he stops--you're free to live a peaceful life! If he doesn't, you can have the judge and the police to enforce the court's order to leave you alone. It's not you being a "mean person"--it is a JUDGE who saw how he is behaving toward you and said that is not appropriate, and THE JUDGE will empower the police to enforce the judge's order.
I did block his number but block numbers can leave voicemails.
I am keeping his voicemails in case I do get to that point where I will have to give them to the police to get a restraining order.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
You can block him from your phone number, and that's what you should do. If it's a cellphone, download a free app like Hiya and it will block numbers if you want it to. If it's on your home phone or office phone, depending on the provider, most of them provide you a way to block a certain number of phone calls. Like
AT&T it's 100 phone calls. All you need to do is access your phone features and sign in and use them. If it's someone else who provides no blocking services, call them and tell them they need to block him. I had to do it with a poor mentally ill random woman who somehow thought she knew the person at my phone number. It's simple to block people on the phone. Do it! You can also block texts if you have the right texting app. "Messages" does it that comes with most android cellphones.
I do block him directly on the phone, I do not get texts, the phone does not ring and I don't even get notified that he left me a voicemail, however, when I listen to another voicemail it will tell me that I have an unread voicemail and it's him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Remind yourself, it is not him that is calling.

The caller is thirsty and sees his end coming.

What you hear is echoes.
Echoes of what is inevitably coming.

His landing even lower, his standing weaker.

Topple-over times will become more closely spaced.

Or, a big if, he sees his error and sobers up.

Yes, very unlikely.

He needs to be institutionalized.

Did I mention willingly?
Uh, no.


Likely, the only thing that will save him will be abject poverty.

Any enablers will pitch quarters at him.

Sad, just freaking sad.
I honestly had hoped that he had reached his bottom when he fell at the bottom of the stairs (pun intended) but it was not to be. He called my brother who brought him home from the hospital and, honestly, did not make the connexion between the blood on the floor and the gash on his head and then had a drink.
Sad, very sad.
 

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I honestly had hoped that he had reached his bottom when he fell at the bottom of the stairs (pun intended) but it was not to be. He called my brother who brought him home from the hospital and, honestly, did not make the connexion between the blood on the floor and the gash on his head and then had a drink.
Sad, very sad.
You seem not to 'get it' !

He can no longer help himself.
He is a full-blown alcoholic.

He has been taken.
 
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
You seem not to 'get it' !

He can no longer help himself.
He is a full-blown alcoholic.

He has been taken.
I do get it, it just makes me sad that he has surrendered to the alcohol and left almost everything else behind, including his sanity.
 

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I do get it, it just makes me sad that he has surrendered to the alcohol and left almost everything else behind, including his sanity.
Of course, it is good that you care and that you are sad.

What good person would not be?
Who enjoys a wasted life?

Maybe, only the Tavern owner.
 
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I do block him directly on the phone, I do not get texts, the phone does not ring and I don't even get notified that he left me a voicemail, however, when I listen to another voicemail it will tell me that I have an unread voicemail and it's him.
Well then change your phone number. Be done with the Sea hag
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
If he is making threats on your life in any of those voicemails then by all means get a restraining order.
Changing the phone number will be a last ditch solution as I have been using it for work for the past 15 years or more.
As for making threats on my life, I am not sure what he said on yesterday's voicemail was a threat on my life, he said "you are dead" not "I will kill you" and he was quite drunk when he said it.
One thing in my favor is that I was really nice to the police officers who arrested me and put me in jail. One of them, particularly, a female police officer, when she drove me home with her partner to pick up clothes to move out told me "this is you chance to remake your life". She could see that I was living in hell. I went back to the police station about a month ago to thank the 2 arresting officers and the 2 officers who took me home for their compassion during this very difficult evening. I understand, they were doing their job, they had to investigate his claims even though he was drunk, and one police officer almost apologized for arresting me.
During this conversation the female police officer who had been so nice to me told me that she passes by the house from time to time, I honestly believe that they are hoping to catch him coming back from driving drunk. I don't believe his new girlfriend is home with him every day so he needs to go get the boxes of wine somehow and he will not go on foot.
 
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