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The issue is much more that many affairs start out as mole hills, which the OM skillfully turns into a mountain.

My guess is that this OM sounds like a serial cheating dude who uses his position in the company to make connections with females at various branches. He may even have enough influence to arrange for who goes on field trips with him. His height makes him more attractive to women which makes it easier for him to work fast.

Keep quiet and snoop.

Tamat
 

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Between the ages of 18 and 24 I think half my sweats, jammies, and oversize comfy t-shirts came from men who either stayed over at mine, I stayed over at theirs, or we shared a hotel room.

Trust me, PJ's and wild sex do go together.

Imagine you're having an affair with a co-worker. There is some good chemistry there. You're away together on a business trip and finally have a chance to spend some time alone, in a hotel room, without the usual time constraints and worry of being caught. You can explore each other in new ways, physically and mentally. You can experience each other in delicious new intimacy, see each other in a way not many people have seen you, lounge around in comfortable clothes, laughing, talking, whispering secrets, touching, and eventually rolling around having wild monkey sex.
Thank you so much!

We think alike on this subject.
I could write a novella on just this scenario.

Love is so fleeting.
We often think about our youth, how we let some really good opportunities for love "get away".

As we get older we never want to make the same [mistakes :|].

Some hungry people will jump at infidelity if given a chance.
Especially, if the chances of getting caught are slim to none.

Lonely people love intimacy beyond a reasonable need.
The greatest gift two people can give each other is love and intimacy.

I saw this over and over on drill weekends with the Army Reserve.

Of course, these are blasphemous thoughts on this blog, TAM.

[deleted]



THRD-
 

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Do you really have questions about this OP?

Are you for real?

You have blatant silver platter stuff happening and walk around oblivious to eventually post on this forum?

You are posting from Egypt or simply swimming the same river in your mind.
 

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Softpants,

have you noticed any thing else in your wife...either maintaining distance from you sexual or otherwise, especially when she got back? have you seen her pass code her phone, use it a lot, have you seen her recently exercising, or trying new activities without you. I won't lie, you may uncover something that you don't want too.
 

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So, two thoughts that come to mind here....

1. Older I get, I can STILL have sex! And I plan to keep that promise. lol

2. 7 year itch now turns into 27 year itch....Just WHEN can one feel safe in a marriage these days????

I agree. We now see red flags and since you have taken a back seat in this relationship, its time to right this ship and come about! You need to be IN her pants constantly! Show up at her work. Take her out of the house, have long exhausting conversations about what you feel and what she wants...You may be surprised.

And finally, you need to keep your head about and not let on about the man trousers...Keep the secret. And get that phone checked out. As well, you need to record in the car and tap your line...Get the info you need now. Lets see where this goes.
 

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I agree with the suggestion that you should have soaked the PJs in itching powder.
 

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I guess to me robes can be sexy, but PJs are sort of dull. But that aside how would she have wound up with his PJs, and why would she not have either thrown them out or hidden them.

Between the ages of 18 and 24 I think half my sweats, jammies, and oversize comfy t-shirts came from men who either stayed over at mine, I stayed over at theirs, or we shared a hotel room.

Trust me, PJ's and wild sex do go together.

Imagine you're having an affair with a co-worker. There is some good chemistry there. You're away together on a business trip and finally have a chance to spend some time alone, in a hotel room, without the usual time constraints and worry of being caught. You can explore each other in new ways, physically and mentally. You can experience each other in delicious new intimacy, see each other in a way not many people have seen you, lounge around in comfortable clothes, laughing, talking, whispering secrets, touching, and eventually rolling around having wild monkey sex.
 

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I guess to me robes can be sexy, but PJs are sort of dull. But that aside how would she have wound up with his PJs, and why would she not have either thrown them out or hidden them.
When collecting dirty laundry in hotel into a bag, his PJs find their way into laundry bag (hotel issued possibly). Laundry bag is emptied into laundry basket at home. After wash and dry, she finds them and assumes they are hubby's. Hubby express surprise at finding them. They dissapear quickly. This is one possible explanation.
 

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OP, she is having an affair. It is not a fling, it has been on going.

Question is, how long are you going to twist yourself around trying to find ways to explain it in your mind.

Yep, she is cheating, the only real question is how much of your marriage is a lie.

So if you are still around, talk to us...

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS????
 

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I guess to me robes can be sexy, but PJs are sort of dull. But that aside how would she have wound up with his PJs, and why would she not have either thrown them out or hidden them.
Personally, I am a fan of the male chest and shoulders. A robe conceals that, so I am not a fan of robes other than to keep warm when it's freezing. Now, a nice pair of pajama pants that emphasize legs and butt while leaving me free to gaze upon and touch the chest? Ooooh, heavenly!

The PJ's in a hotel room thing is more about that heady relaxed sensuality. It's about lounging around, languid sensuality, and being intimate.

I've deliberately snatched a shirt or two, had a few pairs of sweats or PJ's given to me because the owner thought the idea of me wearing his stuff was hot, and I've had quite a few men's items end up in my bags when packing my things in haste. Which you do when leaving a room together because you tend to stay in bed every second you can and have to rush to be out on time.

I can't say why she didn't throw them out or hide them, but I can speculate. I've been doing laundry for a lot of years. I barely look at what I'm doing anymore because I don't need to. I spend most of my sorting, washing, drying, folding and placing into piles time daydreaming or planning out what I will be doing after. I have, many times, accidentally placed laundry in the wrong person's pile. Including when I had house guests that needed something washed real fast.
 

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On Law and Order this is what would be called 'Probable Cause' for going to the judge and getting a search warrant to look for the smoking gun.

These are legitimate red flags and warning signs that something is amiss and which calls for serious investigation.

Investigation does not mean asking her or sharing your suspicions with her. She will simply say no and then cover her tracks better going forward.

Investigations means checking several months worth of phone records, hacking into her computers and emails and social media (including looking for secret accounts) stashing VARs in her car (WSs frequently talk to their APs while in the car) and places she may have private conversations.

Check her emails and txts to her girlfriends and close female relatives as many WW often have a female confidant that they share their exploits with or have as a go between that they use to communicate with the AP.

She may have a work phone or even a secret burner phone that she uses to communicate with OM. WWs often keep secret phone hidden somewhere in the car or in their shoes/boots in the corner of the closet.

Or if you have the $$ and want to save all that time and energy, hire a PI that specializes in adultery and work place affairs. They can usually turn up a smoking gun in days.

Bottom line here is this is not exactly a smoking gun that 'proves' she had a tryst on that trip - but it is absolutely enough evidence to warrant a thorough and serious investigation into the probability to discover the truth.
 

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Discussion Starter #32
Im here...very poor internet.
I have read all the responses and am working on some of the suggestions.
Just to be clear, and goes to show how dense I am, everyone in my family knows about the found pants. In fact most know they have gone misding.

I guess I had hoped that someone could have given me a plausible teason for the brief appearance and disappearence. It really started eating at me when I could not come up with one ( not a family members, dont do laundry at a laundry mat, etc) It was this gnawing that had me recall all the other salient features in my OP.
The last few responses about haste in hotel room dirty laundry gathering is the only reason I arrived at.
I got VAR. Her phone(work and personal) is open to me and nothing unusual found.

Afraid most will be through work pc if any exist.
Will see what comes next as I watch carefully.
Thanks for the "corroboration" I suppose. Sort of hurting pretty good internally now, and really have no one to bounce this off of.
 

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Definite red flags. She's got some cojones on her, returning his pants to him after everyone's seen them. And if she's never sent you a racy selfie before, doing so now is some very strange behavior. It was almost certainly intended for someone else.

In addition to the suggestions about checking the phone bill, the VAR, etc. consider checking the mileage on the car she takes to work. Is there ever an unusual overage or shortfall? Turn on the location history on her phone and check where she's been during the day. Another thing you might consider is booking a weekend "trip" for yourself to some faraway location. But you don't actually leave town; you stay at a local hotel to see what kinds of things happen when you're gone.
 

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If I had a dollar for everyone that ever said "she would never do that. It's not her. You guys don't know her like I do"
I'd be richer than Bill Gates, believe me.

Now friend, I'm not saying your wife is certainly cheating. But don't ever believe that she's incapable of it.

Pay attention to the people here and do due diligence. Don't say anything to her until you find out what's really going on.
 
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