Major attitude from wife

I agree that you need to find out exactly what the problem is. How can you fix it if you don't know what it is? Sometimes we women expect you to read our minds...I know, it's completely unfair. I also know first hand that being a stay at home mom is not an easy job. I (obviously) don't know you, or your reactions to things, so if I'm off, just ignore me But sometimes when I've had a hard or just plain long day with the kids, I'm in a cruddy mood, but don't want to vent to my husband because I know he's had a long day too. Sometimes I feel guilty that he's the one with a job (that he's not really fond of) and that even though we agreed that I'd stay home, I feel guilty if I complain because I'm not bringing in any money and he has to work long, frustrating hours every day. Maybe for some reason, she's afraid of your reaction if she tells you she's just had a crappy day and needs to stew about it. Sometimes husbands forget that we wives get our "knickers in a knot" too and can't be happy-go-lucky all the time. Just some thoughts. I hope things work out for you!

1. Do you think that the reality of being a stay at home mom may be taking a toll on her? After years of doing it she may feel that her life is not going anywhere.

2. Do you two ever do anything special together? do you ever suprise her with flowers or doing the dishes or things like that?

3. When you come home from work does she have time to do things that she wants to do(ex. go for a walk, wash her hair, read).

Speaking from the view of a stay-at-home mom...I know how frustrating it can be to watch your partner leave the house and know that you are there ALL day...it is lonely, boring and repetitive...I hope that my comments above were somewhat helpful...also, when she has a fit like that...approach her calmly and timidly and NON-CONFRONTATIONAL...let her know that you have noticed a change in her moods and that you care about what she is going through...whatever that may be...for all you know...it may have NOTHING to do with you....

draconis said:

Being a stay at home isn't hard by any means. It is very boring because you are cut off from social interaction with adults. Plus you feel like you have no control as you have no money. Cleaning, cooking etc takes 3 honest hours of work. I know I do it for a family of six, including two young ones. Yes I did time were I was actually a stay at home for almost a year. One of the children has high funtion autism.
and talk to her about what is going on and listen.
Draconis

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Draconis, Maybe being a stay at home isnt hard FOR A MAN...I mean after all you will get much more admiration and appreciation for doing exactly what millions of moms do all the time (even us full time working moms) bt I find this statement highly insulting as it is basicaly demeaning even further the unpaid work that is done PREDOMINATELY by women....sure youve done it for a year...many many of us have done it for 10 , 15 or 20years whilst simultaneously working 40 hrs pr week in paid employment...
I have posted a few links under "not feeling appreciated ' on the womens thread and believe me there is way more research showing that your experience is way from the norm f what many women experience.......sure your houswor may take three hours...do you have any disabilities, suffer depresion, have period pain , carry babies etc......????? you simply cant compare your experience to that of a woman.

cadence said:

Draconis, Maybe being a stay at home isnt hard FOR A MAN...I mean after all you will get much more admiration and appreciation for doing exactly what millions of moms do all the time (even us full time working moms) bt I find this statement highly insulting as it is basicaly demeaning even further the unpaid work that is done PREDOMINATELY by women....sure youve done it for a year...many many of us have done it for 10 , 15 or 20years whilst simultaneously working 40 hrs pr week in paid employment...
I have posted a few links under "not feeling appreciated ' on the womens thread and believe me there is way more research showing that your experience is way from the norm f what many women experience.......sure your houswor may take three hours...do you have any disabilities, suffer depresion, have period pain , carry babies etc......????? you simply cant compare your experience to that of a woman.

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Yes I do suffer from three severe disabilities, yes because of the disabilities I have battled with depression off and on. I have four kids and a wife I do all the chores for even though some days I can't even open a zip lock bag and the bank has to know me in person because somedays I can't sign my own name.

Many stay at homes claim that it is a 40+ hour a week job, it isn't. There isn't one movie or book I know of that credits men for staying at home rather they are always though of as inept. Ask most men and WOMEN how they feel about stay at homes (the most common responce for a women is good for her, for a man he must be a slacker or good for nothing, "not a man.")

Stay at home isn't hard work. I'd trade it ANY day for the work I use to do. One out of three in the job was hospitalized every year. You really don't have those worries with a stay at home, it is more time management, and doing work effectively.

I admire those that can stay at home. Do they get enough credit? By some yes most often by their SO no. It doesn't change the point. One person on here complained her husband didn't help around the house. I was the first to jump all over him for not doing so then later she said he had to have surgery. No wonder he didn't if his back was that bad and he was working through with disc problems.

As far as the pain I will trade any day of the week with you. Not only do I do all the house work btw I also own and run my own store often managing that from home too.

draconis

Hi, Dracionis, I should have been more specific...when I said you cant compare your experience to a womans...I didnt mean because of any pain, pregnancy etc but rather because society treats men who are single parents diffenrenty than women who are...Im sorry to hear about your health problems.....I am amazed you manage only a few hours to run a house with all your pain...I am a migraine sufferer and With each of my pregnancies I suffered sever morning sickness (lasting to late afternoon for the entire pregnancy)...I know it took me absolutely forever to get what needs to be done finished...When Im home (ie weekends, hlidays)now I spend a minimum of six-eight hours in household/child related chores....when at work it is around 3 hours each for my husband and I a day... Anyway, it was mentioned in 'not feeling appreciated' that it wOuld be better to start a seprate thread on this topic with links to studies...so will do for anyone . interested

draconis said:

The hardest part I found about being a stay home was sheer loneliness and boredom. Plus I started quoting every Disney movie everytime I talked with any adult.

draconis

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Oh my isn't that the truth... I have been a SAHM for 8 yrs now, I left a pretty good career etc etc. But I chose to do this because I wanted to be with my kids. Now as my youngest(of the 4) is almost ready for pre-school I find myself thinking..OMG what am I gonna do, I have been a SAHM for what seems forever now what/how am I gonna ever revert back to adult worklife..

I do have days where he will come home and I will be distant, because well the house only gets so clean and having only one car(which he has) means I am here. To top it off I live in a itty butty mountain town(where I grew up) and the only thing we have is a coffee shop and gas station of which are 5 miles from me..

BUT...........When he sees me in this "mood", he will ALWAYS come to me and hug me and cuddle with me..He sees it when I start feeling this way..And is always there to cheer me up..

He knows that the once VERY independent career woman is now scared to think she has accomplished nothing..in all actuality I have, I have 4 wondeful children who are well behaved and great kids..But I still have that desire in myself to be and adult again..(I don't know to many adults that know the words to every spongebob abd dora an diego music)..

Ah I dunno if I am making sense..