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Good idea?

From what I've read, the divorce rates for these marriages are lower than they are for marriages formed using the standard American method for finding a life partner.

Explain with facts or logic why you do or don't consider it an acceptable way to find a suitable spouse. Simply saying it rubs you the wrong way won't cut it.
 

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Interesting Question.


Firstly, may I ask where do/did you find this data?

Hmm...I don't "object" to it...I just find it sad and pathetic...for the guys....

If anything, I admire the women. In all cases, they are trying to get out of a bad situation and make their lives better. And yes, I'm aware that some of these sites/documentaries will claim that some of these women are actually in good financial shape right where they are (in their wonderful third-world country of origin), and thus are just seeking LOVE...---which is of course UTTER NONSENSE.

No one marries some strange foreign husband...and moves to his strange foreign land..."for love"...my great-grandmother didn't move to Brooklyn from Ireland because she "wanted" to...she had to....all of these women feel they HAVE to....

So, undeniably, it's a match made in desperation...it's just the women's is more understandable...they had no choice about being born in Russia or Thailand or El Salvador or where ever

But the men, these WESTERN men....with their lovely "Free-World" Nation passports...what's their excuse for being desperate?

Couldn't hack it with the women state-side?

Umm...okay...I get it...dating is tough....its just kinda sad

And the other thing...since these guys are typically "Beta" (which is why they've had no success with "their own" women...and are giving up)...from everything I've read...they wind up in the same predicament with their foreign wives as they did with the American ones:

Begging for sex, being emotionally abused, and then ultimately left entirely (when the little lady gets her green card)

You can't cheat Life.

You either learn her lessons. (in this case: Learn to Be a Man)....or she'll keep on piling it on...until the lesson finally sinks in...or you, you know...die...

I'm sure there are exceptions. There are always exceptions. (Some beta guys get laid a lot---lucky them)...but by and large, I'd assert you'll end up with the exact same problems with foreign brides that you're trying to avoid in American ones

Please offer evidence to contrary if you have any (I'm willing to change my mind on this if I see some)

So, in summary: No objections...just dubious about it's ability to be the solution to a guy's problem.

Bottomline: Men use women for sex. Women use men for "protection". This is the primal force underlying all of our behavior....so there's nothing "new" (or wrong) in mail order marriages...

But that's the rub....since there's nothing new...you'll likely wind up with the same problems you were trying to evade
 

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I've read that the women tend to come to the USA and then leave their husband once she has her immigration status established and she can live on her own.


I have also read stories about some of these women getting a few men courting them, they give great sob stories, the men give her money to help her out. But she never marries any of them.

This kind of marriage is usually sold as getting a wife who is obedient and grateful. I guess if that's what you want go for it. But I doubt they are.
 

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Mail order husbands anyone? :)
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Mail order husbands anyone? :)
I've heard that those exist as well. Maybe that's what I'll do... find me a young Russian hunk... (well might not be a good idea but it's a thought.) :rofl:
 

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Well now I'm unhappy. So I did a google search for "mail order husband". A lot of sites came up. But they were all jokes. They were pretty funny

Like TJ. he's a tatted up, long hair biker type... "I’m looking for a girl named “Julie”.. it’s just easier that way. I got this “Julie” tattoo last year, and would prefer to not deal with it. or if you want to change your name that’s cool."
Location: Missouri, USA

Or Steven.... Looks like a freaked out meth head.... "I’m definitely a classic romantic. I like a candlelight dinner, some quiet background music, and a couple hits of ether. I prefer a woman that has insurance and a car would be great as I need to make the occassional trip to Mexico to pick up “souvenirs”. Location: New Mexico, USA

Steven lives in New Mexico.. so he might be one of my neighbors... Yikew!!!


I'd post a link but not sure if it's ok...

So I did not find any serious Russian mail order husband sites with buffed up guys with PHD's in physics just waiting to come to the USA.. Just American wierdo's.
 

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That sucks! What a fricken rip off! There needs to be mail order husband sites damnit!
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You need to understand the motives involved in this decision, both on her part and on his.

By the way, you need to tattoo IndiaInk's post on your brain because it's an excellent discourse on a lot of things you should be thinking hard about.

This might be a speculative post, but I'll address it seriously.

First off, attractive, successful women from X country marry attractive successful men from X country. They are bringing a lot to the table and they don't need to 'settle'. Why should they leave home? Why should they have to learn a new language or culture? They THRIVE in their culture.

Reasonably attractive, moderatetly successful women marry their counterparts in X country. Again, they do reasonably well where they are. Why go elsewhere?

So...what are you getting?

You are getting the desperate, the lazy, those who hate their home culture, or incredibly ambitious people. Sometimes a mix of all of those.

The desperate and the ambitious see their circumstances as unchangeable at home, either because of their status or their poverty. They are trying to hit the reset button.

Those who hate their homeland (or at least don't appreciate it) are a risk because they might not like yours either. Just saying.

The lazy...well, if that is what you want...go for it. But don't be surprised if you come home to her smoking, playing cards with her friends while the house is a sty and you have no food and there isn't any nookies for you. (sic) She married you so she didn't HAVE to do this stuff. What you'll get is someone who will sullenly clean and screw the absolute minimum to keep you off her back.

Which gets to the motives of the guy.

Everything I said about women from X country apply to MEN in Y country. Many of them are mistaking currency exchange rates and income disparities as their sexual 'rank'.

I had a First World friend who met a girl in a Developing Country. She was hotter than he was by a reasonable margin. But he was foreign, had status, they worked together...so they had a relationship...until she told her parents. Oops. Now, this guy disliked the country, was disparaging of the inhabitants, and took her on a 'sales trip' into his country, pointing out all the 'wonders' of his land. Somehow, he thought she should be kissing his...feet for being willing to bring her to a place with clean streets and water.

Tip: Being Third World does not mean being without self respect.

Now he is crying his eyes out as she (correctly IMO) dumped him.

So...what exactly does the man want?

Generally, they want women with 'traditional values' (which means not being so awkward as to have their own opinions or needs...or think that he is God's Gift to women by giving her a regular supply of electricity and more than three dresses) with a side of 'sex geisha/bargirl'.

But...what are these 'traditional values'? Well in some cases, it is to never divorce, but to pointedly ignore their spouse in their later years. For example, in India, sex after 40 or so seems to be a thing of the past. Is this your girl's expectation of married life? Do you think she will want to keep dressing like a bargirl forever to keep you attracted?

The other thing is Freddie McBargut wants to have this 20 year old hottie and not actually have to compete in the sexual competition by being...um...sexually competitive. I think we can see the moral implications of that...You think she does not have eyes? You think she doesn't know what she is getting?

Now, the desperate might stay with you...but once she's married and CERTAINLY after she has your kid, it will be on her terms. Because she doesn't expect YOU to divorce her either (oooh...that sword has two edges....ouch!) If she doesn't know the term 'anchor baby' when she gets here, she willl three picoseconds after she meets even one of her female countrymen already over here. You think they don't talk about THAT when they put themselves on the Net looking for Mr. Wonderful?

So...you find your little mail order hottie. You are a solidly middle class guy, who has a small house, a car and a decent income...and you are bringing HER to a place where there are a number of more attractive, more successful men who have better houses, cars and careers. You bring a desperate and/or ambitious woman who is willing to leave her friends, family, language, food, and country for a shot at a better life...and you think she isn't equally mentally equipt to leave YOU? Really? Some guy she just met?

Good luck with that.

Don't worry about the lazy ones. She'll never leave you...no matter how desperately you want it!

Now, I have been married to a foreign woman for nigh 18 years. And I can say with a good deal of authority that the fantasy of a foreign bride far outweighs the reality. They are women. They have wants, needs and expectations. They can very well be disappointed with YOU. Recall, they are doing a VERY hard thing to marry you. Why shouldn't they expect the same amount of effort just because you have some money in your pocket? (There is that sword again...) Our marriage has worked...but it was hard. Just as hard as any marriage with the added circumstance of cultural and religious frictions. Whee!

So...if you want to do that, you need to GO to the country for MONTHS, and if not learn the language...learn the girl (you should learn the language.) You need to learn what marriage means in X country. But...that isn't marriage on the cheap. That is similar to the effort you'd need in your own country.

Funny how that works...
 

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That sucks! What a fricken rip off! There needs to be mail order husband sites damnit!
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If you quote a good enough price to my wife, she might very well take you up on that offer...;)
 

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If you quote a good enough price to my wife, she might very well take you up on that offer...;)
Lol!
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