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I struggle with this. My husband is in the business world and often has to have lunch. I know it’s my insecurities but I’ve never been comfortable with it. I just think it’s to easy to let your guard down.

He knows my thoughts. I don’t make his life miserable when it happens but my mind often plays tricks and I wonder. Is she pretty. Does he think so etc. just hard. Have more to say but lots have weighed in.
 

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Just my $.02
When I have a work lunch with a woman - yes, I might notice that she is pretty, the same way that I will notice a beautiful woman on the street. No, I'm not thinking about having sex with her.

What most decreases any interest I might have in other women, is affection from my wife at home.


I struggle with this. My husband is in the business world and often has to have lunch. I know it’s my insecurities but I’ve never been comfortable with it. I just think it’s to easy to let your guard down.

He knows my thoughts. I don’t make his life miserable when it happens but my mind often plays tricks and I wonder. Is she pretty. Does he think so etc. just hard. Have more to say but lots have weighed in.
 

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This has never been an issue for me. I don't really enjoy lunch with other people. I also refuse to pick up lunch for someone else when I'm off to lunch. You have your own hour long lunch, go get your own food! That will take at least 5 minutes out of my alone time. That is my time AWAY! I value it too much. I want to sit down alone in a food joint, pop in my headphones and listen to a book, or watch some YouTube, or read some news articles or something. When I go to lunch with people, it takes away that me time I need throughout the day.

That said, I have been to lunch with OS co-workers. Horrible experience. Not because of anything nefarious was going on. I just didn't like it. But the same thing can be said for SS co-workers. I didn't like it.

I don't think I would care if my wife had an occasional lunch as a friend with a OS co-worker. She works with a bunch of women though and one gay guy. So this doesn't really come up.

I do know some people who simply can't eat in a restaurant alone though. They feel as awkward as I do eating with other people (who aren't my family anyway). So I can see a situation where those folks who hate dining alone would occasionally have to ask a OS co-worker to lunch because all of their SS co-workers have already been and taken their break. So Dianne timidly asks Dave to lunch because she really hates the idea of going to lunch alone and Carol, Anne, and Lisa have already taken their lunch break. She has nobody else to go with but Dave.

I think this can be a nuanced issue for a lot of folks and not such a black and white hard line in the sand boundary. I've been Dave in the example above. If you're married to a Dianne in the example given, you would probably understand and not draw such a hard line on the issue either.

But yeah, there's boundaries for some people in place for a very good reason also. Like if Dianne and Dave always go to lunch together, I can certainly see a problem with that. Just saying I don't think this is a clear cut issue either way.
 

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Absolutely No problem with it. I get people having fears of harassment claims etc. but if the relationship is clear it shouldn't be a problem. My wife travels for work in high level sales. One key to being successful in sales at a high level is building strong relationships with the decision makers, so she often has one on one lunches and dinners with clients. Her job also includes selling the expertise of coworkers so having good relationships within her company is also important so she also does lunches, dinners and after dinner drinks with coworkers, sometimes one on one sometimes in a group.

We have complete trust in our relationship and neither of us are jealous types at all. I don't understand having a problem with this at all, I can only assume there is a trust issue there.
 

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I struggle with this. My husband is in the business world and often has to have lunch. I know it’s my insecurities but I’ve never been comfortable with it. I just think it’s to easy to let your guard down.

He knows my thoughts. I don’t make his life miserable when it happens but my mind often plays tricks and I wonder. Is she pretty. Does he think so etc. just hard. Have more to say but lots have weighed in.
It sounds like you've got it settled in your mind. That's good! I'll leave it there.
 

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Absolutely No problem with it. I get people having fears of harassment claims etc. but if the relationship is clear it shouldn't be a problem. My wife travels for work in high level sales. One key to being successful in sales at a high level is building strong relationships with the decision makers, so she often has one on one lunches and dinners with clients. Her job also includes selling the expertise of coworkers so having good relationships within her company is also important so she also does lunches, dinners and after dinner drinks with coworkers, sometimes one on one sometimes in a group.



We have complete trust in our relationship and neither of us are jealous types at all. I don't understand having a problem with this at all, I can only assume there is a trust issue there.

See thread by StillFightingForUs. (Next steps or something like that)
 

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I have one question. Can people not go to lunch with someone without sex or sexual innuendo being involved? I have female coworkers and I see them as competent professional piers of mine. My wife has male coworkers that she sees the same way.

I can also Have a female friend that I see as an intelligent fun person to be around and my wife likewise could have a male friend.

We are both very secure in our positions we hold in each other's lives. We are not weak people that would magically fall under someone's spell if we had lunch alone.
 

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I have one question. Can people not go to lunch with someone without sex or sexual innuendo being involved?
Of course! It happens all the time where a couple has a genuinely platonic lunch. But going to lunch together also provides an easy venue to get emotionally closer to each other. The more times that happens, the more opportunity for lines to get blurred. It doesn't mean it will happen, but it provides ample opportunity.

But the couple cannot totally control the narrative. Their coworkers will start to talk if the couple is going out to lunch with each other often. So there will be gossip to deal with no matter what the true state of their relationship. If it's lunch once in a great while--no big deal. But if it's a few times a week--people are going to assume something is going on.
 

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How do you feel about having lunch with the opposite sex at work when you are a married person? Me and my husband have had heated discussions about this and I just need to know some other opinions.

What type of boundaries have you and your spouse set?
Is it just a blanket...no lunches? or It doesn't matter, you just trust your spouse to handle themselves respectfully?

Thanks.
With a mixed group, maybe. And I would mostly talk with the girls. With just a guy, nope. And it wouldn't be OK for my husband either.
 
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