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How do you feel about having lunch with the opposite sex at work when you are a married person? Me and my husband have had heated discussions about this and I just need to know some other opinions.

What type of boundaries have you and your spouse set?
Is it just a blanket...no lunches? or It doesn't matter, you just trust your spouse to handle themselves respectfully?

Thanks.
 

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Our boundary is we don’t have 1:1 time with the OS. We fully trust each other to put our marriage first by protecting it from developing close relationships with the OS. Since most affairs- including EAs- start in the workplace, it’s a precaution that makes sense, in my opinion. Especially considering that most decent people don’t go looking for affairs and often emotional bonds are formed with the OS unintentionally. We’re all hardwired to pair-bond and it can happen with those we spend a lot of time with at work if they’re given the opportunity to meet emotional needs: attention, affection, intimate conversation. This is why often an affair partner is a “step down” from one’s spouse- the spouse wasn’t looking for it to begin with.

We both have OS friends- but they’re friends of the marriage and we see them together.
 

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I have only had lunch with the opposite sex as part of my work in sales. These were customers. At no other time have I went to lunch with female coworker or otherwise. It did not feel right for me to be doing so. My wife trusted me to handle myself as nothing more than a meal while discussing business. That is exactly what I did.

I can say that the company I worked for sent in a lady from our sales department that took us all to dinner. She was no lady as it turns out and worked hard on getting any one(maybe two) male at the table back to her room. I was not having any parts of that.
 

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One on one lunch NO! what ever you
are discussing at lunch can and should be
done at the office. Business lunches usually
can not be avoided. Your SO should always
be told however before or after. What reason would
a married person have for a one on one lunch
with a single or married coworker? NONE!!
Dinners bring your spouse always!!


YESWECAN- I knew a lady like that, she was married
also. I said noway!! Predators come in all sizes and shapes I guess.
 

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My gut reaction is NO!!!!!!

But it may be more nuanced. For example, a calendared lunch in a public place with a client, where you meet at the restaurant....sometimes and in some jobs that is unavoidable.

Yeah...it is

If, say I was meeting with a freelance client to discuss a project, and they said "Can we meet at Panera at 11:30?" My husband would likely have no problem with that - during the day, not riding in anyone's car, etc. There have been times I needed to talk with someone face to face, and we lived a couple hours away from each other. Meeting at a Ruby Tuesday's in the middle makes a lot more sense than one or the other of us traveling the whole way, especially when I was working remotely a lot and my "office" would have been my home.

But friendly, social "friend" lunches one on one? Nope. No need.
 

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Y'all are kidding right?
Nope. I have no desire to go to lunch one on one with the opposite sex. Just does not feel right to me. I did so for business and it did not feel right to me. But I did and it was rarely because of the type of business I'm in. As for the lady from my own sales department sent to us from our general office...yep...she was working hard to get any one of the gents at the table to service her needs at the hotel she was booked. I went home after eating my dinner, drinking the finest scotch and having a few laughs.

But that is just me. :smthumbup:
 

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How do you feel about having lunch with the opposite sex at work when you are a married person? Me and my husband have had heated discussions about this and I just need to know some other opinions.



What type of boundaries have you and your spouse set?

Is it just a blanket...no lunches? or It doesn't matter, you just trust your spouse to handle themselves respectfully?



Thanks.


Trust your spouse. Unless you have a reason not to trust them...
What’s the problem with having business lunches? I though all sexes are supposed to be treated equally...It’s weird to prefer same sex lunches over opposite sex lunches. He would be discriminating by having this preference. Sex shouldn’t even come into the equation.


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In both the oilfield and in Federal Government, if I went to lunch, it was always with one of my same-sex cohorts!

Even if I had to take a woman out to lunch for business purposes, I made sure that someone would accompany us!

Never a one on one lunch with a woman, ever! In my estimation, nothing good could ever come from it!
 

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Trust your spouse. Unless you have a reason not to trust them...
What’s the problem with having business lunches? I though all sexes are supposed to be treated equally...It’s weird to prefer same sex lunches over opposite sex lunches. He would be discriminating by having this preference. Sex shouldn’t even come into the equation.


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OP was not specific about the OS, if business or coworker. I did the lunches with OS for business. That was all. Some offices I brought lunch into for the OS as they has feelings about one on one lunches. So it was just not me. I generally brought lunch for a few in the customers office.

I see no reason to go to lunch one on one with OS. Simply feels awkward to me.
 

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Personally, such a blanket rejection of a social lunch with an OS work mate or friend sounds like an awful lot of mistrust and insecurities in oneself and their marriage. Should there be clear and mutually understood boundaries? Yes. But an absolute no-way, no-how under any circumstances. Sorry, I just don't get it. JMHO.
 

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Personally, such a blanket rejection of a social lunch with an OS work mate or friend sounds like an awful lot of mistrust and insecurities in oneself and their marriage. Should there be clear and mutually understood boundaries? Yes. But an absolute no-way, no-how under any circumstances. Sorry, I just don't get it. JMHO.
It is not always mistrust or insecurities. It is simply a feeling of awkwardness(specifically for me). Do you get awkwardness? The lunches (work related or otherwise) with OS don't agree with my being.
 

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It is not always mistrust or insecurities. It is simply a feeling of awkwardness(specifically for me). Do you get awkwardness? The lunches (work related or otherwise) with OS don't agree with my being.
My response was simply in regards to OS meetings within the confines/rules of a marriage/LTR. One's own personal rejection of them for other reasons is another topic. As are fears of sexual harassment or being accused of such in OS meetings/lunches.
 
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I see no problem at all with lunches with business associates and/or co-workers of any gender. I've always done this. On business trips, I've gone to dinner with people who are the OS.

The rule is that it's in a public place. Drive yourself there and back. No heavy drinking.

If a person is going to cheat, they are going to cheat whether it's at a lunch with a co-worker or just sneaking out to meet them somewhere else.

If I have to control my spouse to the point of managing their every move, I would end the marriage.

And yes my husbands cheated on me. Going out to lunch with co-workers had nothing to do with their cheating. They found plenty of other ways to cheat. And yes I dumped their sorry cheating behinds.
 

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It might be okay when the lunch is truly a working lunch, but it should be just on an occasional basis and there should be a clear reason why it has to be done over lunch. For example, if the district boss is only in town a few days and needs to meet with the sales director, lunch may be one of the only free times available. If one is a man and one is a woman, oh well. But if it's two people from the same office who could just as easily meet at work, then it starts to cross a line.

And even if everything is totally innocent, the office gossip mill will talk anyway. People will assume the couple are flirting over lunch or even having a full-blown affair. The fact that you and your husband have had heated discussions about this should be concerning to you. Is lunch with an opposite-sex co-worker that important that it's worth all the rumors and consternation?

No matter what is resolved in this thread, we aren't all the people in the world. People *will* think that the work couple is up to something if they go to lunch together (dinner and happy hour as well).
 

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Personally, such a blanket rejection of a social lunch with an OS work mate or friend sounds like an awful lot of mistrust and insecurities in oneself and their marriage. Should there be clear and mutually understood boundaries? Yes. But an absolute no-way, no-how under any circumstances. Sorry, I just don't get it. JMHO.
So then in your relationship you don't have to do it. I have mixed feelings about this. But people are entitled to their won boundaries in their relationship without it being called insecure.
 
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