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69 Posts
I’ve been making myself crazy trying to monitor what my WS is doing. This has been going on since I originally confronted him in July and progressed to him finally admitting in October that he was flirting with the OW (after I showed him the text messages I found). When I asked him why, he said he didn’t know why he was doing it. I don’t believe for one second that this was just a harmless flirtation. Since the original confrontation, he has only gotten more secretive. I sent her a FB message telling her to stop calling and texting my husband. I told him that it was not acceptable to continue to talk and text with her. I knew that he was still talking and texting with her and probably in person contact since he has the opportunity to see her at work. Whenever I tried to talk to him about our problems he would leave the room, leave the apartment, anything to avoid discussing our marriage. This was his usual way of reacting whenever I wanted to discuss something. Last Monday morning, I was done. I walked in when he was creating a new email address. When I asked what it was for, he said he didn’t know he just wanted one. This is someone who previously needed my assistance with email. He also joined FB after years of saying how stupid it was and I realized that he had been on craigslist looking at women seeking men ads (although he doesn’t know that I’m aware of this). I read about the 180 and started working on doing it. I told him that I wasn’t going to be asking where he was. I said I was done looking at the cell phone bill to monitor the calls and texts. It’s very freeing when you make the decision to stop the spying. I’m starting to feel much less emotional and angry. I can see the importance of focusing on being happy and healthy whether he’s in my life or not. Throughout this time, he has continued to constantly ask me for sex. When I said no, he actually said oh I thought we were moving past that stuff. Now he’s acting somewhat indifferent. On to my questions.
Question #1
How can he possibly think that I would want to have sex with him, especially when he’s unremorseful and still in contact? :scratchhead:
I would love some feedback from anyone who’s experienced anything like this.
Question #2
He has two daughters who are 18+ that I have been very close to for almost 15 years. I have a wonderful relationship with both of them, but it’s getting more and more difficult to try to act “normal” when they are around. They both have no idea of what their Dad has been doing with this OW. They have seen some things in our relationship which have caused them to ask why Dad is always calling me, why he seems in such a bad mood all the time, how jealous he would act when I was not at home, even if I was with them. Last week my older stepdaughter asked me how things were with her Dad. I said they were ok and changed the subject. I don’t want to do anything to hurt their relationship with their Dad, but we’ve always had an honest relationship and I don’t want to continue letting them think that everything is ok when it’s not. Would anyone like to offer some opinions on how best to proceed with my stepdaughters?
Question #3
Why continue the charade that he loves me. He has said that he does, but obviously I don’t believe him. Is he just in the Fog I keep reading about, is he staying with me as a backup?
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Question #1
How can he possibly think that I would want to have sex with him, especially when he’s unremorseful and still in contact? :scratchhead:
Question #2
He has two daughters who are 18+ that I have been very close to for almost 15 years. I have a wonderful relationship with both of them, but it’s getting more and more difficult to try to act “normal” when they are around. They both have no idea of what their Dad has been doing with this OW. They have seen some things in our relationship which have caused them to ask why Dad is always calling me, why he seems in such a bad mood all the time, how jealous he would act when I was not at home, even if I was with them. Last week my older stepdaughter asked me how things were with her Dad. I said they were ok and changed the subject. I don’t want to do anything to hurt their relationship with their Dad, but we’ve always had an honest relationship and I don’t want to continue letting them think that everything is ok when it’s not. Would anyone like to offer some opinions on how best to proceed with my stepdaughters?
Question #3
Why continue the charade that he loves me. He has said that he does, but obviously I don’t believe him. Is he just in the Fog I keep reading about, is he staying with me as a backup?
Any thoughts would be appreciated.