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I guess I just have a different view.
If I love someone, I take the entire package.
When I met my wife almost 28 years ago, my attraction to her was based on HER, not my previous fiancee that I had extricated myself from. I have never compared any woman I have been with to any of their predecessors. They all stood on their own merits.
Maybe I have been lucky, but chemistry outside the bedroom has always transferred inside the bedroom. The key to that has been communication. I have always given my best efforts to please the person that I have been with and they have reciprocated. Does that mean it has been perfect? No. I'm sure that the women that I have been with would say the same thing. Is any sex perfect? I doubt it. However, that all factors in the entire package.
We are all a sum total of our experiences in our lives. No one has a crystal ball. Some of the best learning that I have had has been a blast because both myself and my partner have turned our freak on. I have shown women what I like and how to do it and vice versa. It has not been an issue because the presentation was in a non threatening manner and was in the context of getting off. If there truly is chemistry, respectfully showing ones likes should not be threatening.
My wife and I are polar opposites. Chemistry is what attracted us to each other and what has kept us together through the good times and the bad.
OP had really good sex with her ex, but her ex has moved on. My point is that the problem may not be the message, it may be the delivery of it. She either needs to be dedicated to building a sexual relationship with her BF (and there is give/take in any relationship) or be fair to him and move on.
In romantic relationships, esp ones that you want to go on long term, and esp 2nd marriages, if either of you values sex, there needs to be chemistry and frankly good sex.

Some people do not value sex, god help them IMO. Some people don't really understand what good sex it, My Fiance did not. I am not the most handsome, I don't have the biggest equipment, but I have been around and I have more than a little experience. She did not really understand multiple O's and a lot of positions, she did not understand a lot of things, but she does now.

Now before any of the above we had chemistry, and I kind of think love at first site, but maybe it was lust at first sight, I don't know.

What I am saying is, if you cannot tell/teach your partner what you need/want and the sex is not really good by default (Chemistry/experience) then it will cause problems later in the relationship.

In OP's case, she does understand what good sex is about and odds are the after a couple of years, at some point she is going to want to have her brains banged out, and if her BF can't/doesn't figure it out, it will become a problem.
 

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"we grew apart"
I am seeing a "pattern" here. Folks "grow appart" because they fail to adequately COMMUNICATE their feelings, desires, complaints, hopes, needs, etc. to each other and pretty soon, they "grow apart" or stop having satisfying sex! You may want to google: "communication in a marriage" and learn how to effectively talk with your partner about what you want or hope can happen in the marriage. Your partner might surprise you with "stuff" he can offer to help you get what you want and then you won't need to leave in search of a better partner. Good luck, jim
 

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As a person who is dealing with that right now if it's not in him please don't get married because years of sexually frustration of never being able to have that is not easy. I love him i thought it was enough and thought it would change but it's still the same. If you feel like you can live without passionate hot amazing sex then stay. Trying talking to him about seeing a therapist together about it. To many miserable nights. So many ☹😞😩 I don't wish it on my worst enemy.
 

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Don’t stay in a relationship that is lacking anything for you in the sex department. No matter how much you love someone, how well you get along, how compatible you seem… The lack of sexual satisfaction will eventually eat away at it. It sucks, but it’s reality.




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I am now dating someone I truly love, but I don’t ever orgasm with him. I typically masterbate after he falls asleep after.
I want to tell you and others what happened for us and how we solved the problem. In my 2nd marriage, I somehow developed ED and, since we were so much in love and good with eachother, I shifted over to oral and finger techniques which seemed to work well for her and I also turned to masturbation on the side. I thought masturbation would see me through and I felt good being able to "get her off" with my oral/finger methods. We never discussed it and I never looked for help - too proud or chicken! I believed it was just a "phase" and would soon pass. Years went by and then she died of various illnesses but soon I was involved in a very intensely sexual relationship with another passionate and loving woman so, I decided to "man up" and go for help which I soon found at a VA ED clinic. I began using various pills & even penile injections with no success but was DETERMINED to become a real sex partner for my new beloved and not stay with my oral/finger techniques. I finally found the "pump", a convenient and simple device which pumps up the penis and holds it erect for a very LONG time. Because my fiance and I have a great sense of humor, using the pump became both easy and much fun for both of us. The pump provided me with a very solid and reliable erection for the first time in years! My fiance was pretty thrilled with it as well. My only regret is that I didn't have the guts to go look for and FIND some help when I first experienced ED (erectile dysfunction) so long ago with my 2nd wife because I definitely would have preferred normal sex to the altered sex techniques I learned to do with her. I wish we had discussed it and tried to find a solution together but we just didn't have the guts to look into it and we began settling for "work arounds".

I miss that dominant, aggressive sex so much. I’ve told him, but it’s just not in him. We talk about marriage and I see myself growing old with him. It weighs on me though. I wonder if this is something I’ll always miss. Will these feelings ever go away? Will pleasuring myself be enough?
Pleasuring myself was rarely enough and always came with some kind of guilt that I was either leaving my partner out or cheating on her with my "fantasies". I tried to "rev" myself up by watching Porn but, aside from leaning a lot of "techniques" by watching Lesbians, Porn didn't help me have or hold a functional erection.
Talking about and looking for solutions is the best and perhaps only way to address sexual issues and this can and will bring both partners into the search for a solution if they can get past the shame, embarrassment and FEAR of talking openly about sex and anything else. If it "weighs on you" I'd suggest you get started talking with him about this as much as possible to find SOLUTIONS to the problem. My last partner (cancer took her away) was totally involved in all that I said & did once I went to the ED clinic to find some solutions. We tried all kinds of pills and injections until the VA gave me a pump!!!! THAT THING WORKED!!!
 
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