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31 years old. Been married for a little over a year and we have been together over 12 years. 38/m 31/f. Just trying to give a little bit of backround.

Last year I lost one of the most cherished, important people in my life. This man was the only father i ever knew and I watched him die for almost 4 months. I had to man up as he couldnt speak and had to be his voice in the hospital. I had no choice, well I did but I wasnt going to let him down. And ever since that happen, I feel it changed me into a different person.

Over the course of us being together, I have always known he can be a bit careless, lazy, messy, – whatever you what to call it. And I just accepted it for what it was but as of late I am just not able to handle it. I always have to tell him what to do, he claims he never knows what needs to be done. We have lived in the same place for 9 years, I guess it was silly for me to assuming someone would know what needs to be done. And the biggest struggle is constantly being alone.

So he works nights and another job for 3 hours in the AM. I work days 8-5 type job. All week long, we may see each other in passing but other than that there is no time for us be together. Usually we will be together on a Saturday or something but I do have friends and family I’ll go visit for the weekends sometimes. Sometimes, seeing people is only possible on a Saturday. And sometimes as selfish as it sounds I just want to visit w/ my friends without my husband but there are times will take him too.

I am at a loss cause he doesn’t seem to understand the amount of time I am alone though. I am not going to sit home at night when i can be out with friends just waiting for him to get up so we can “talk” if you can call it that, for 15 mins before he leaves..................Cause even when we are together, he spends an ridiculous amount of time staring at his phone. And if I say anything, he snaps back well you’re on your phone too! Well what am I supposed to do, of course ill just look at my phone too since there is no one to talk too.

He finally sensed something was up and approached me about it. I told him I wasn’t happy. And of course he now wants to jump into action and fix everything this instant. He goes ill go on days and we can spend time together and telling me basically what i want to hear but we have been down this road before and it all goes back to the same stuff.

So basically I am like living my life as a single married women. I do my own thing all the time almost. I dont mind being alone if thats what I choose, but it stucks to be forced to be alone when you are with someone.

I have never felt so lost in my life.
 
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