Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
What to do, oh what to do......How long may this feeling continue. Will I recover those deep emotions of love and appreciation I once had for my husband. We have been married for 18 yrs. Husband has been diagnosed as Biploar, currently off meds and maybe healed or on an up cycle. I have been the enabler of behavior that was so detrimental. He, has changed, or so he says. I, at a deep primal level, cannot believe or trust his words or new behavior. Am I a "bad" wife.
I cannot even say that I want to recover those feelings that I have lost. Not sure if that is of defensive play on my part or a lazy one. When I am feeling guilty I sure feel like it is a lazy response and that I should get it together. I say to myself quietly, this is your marriage, you vowed for better or worse, till death do you part. Just cannot get it together.
I have told husband these feelings of my lack of trust, and that he will just need to ride it out until I am comfortable. His response is a sad, ok. Bringing on more guilt to me. I know it should not, and that my behavior is codependent. Trying to come to terms with what that means and what to do with that.
Two children are in the picture, without them my decision would be an easy one to make.
Please advise if you have similar situations, or any ideas of how long my lack of that loving feeling will continue. Or if it is even possible to regain the love.
thx
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
405 Posts
Bipolar disorder cannot be cured. It is an episodic illness so there are well times between episodes. I have bp and would never dream of being off medications. It can escalate to the point of being psychotic or delusional. Your husband could lose any control over his behavior wreck your relationship permanently, end up in jail, or hospitalized. It can mess up his career. BP is the world's sixth leading cause of disability. I would urge your husband to get treatment.

Loving someone is a choice. In the beginning it is easy and there is a lot of passion, but over time those feelings dissipate. That's where the hard work comes in. Focus on the things you like about your husband.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,565 Posts
I'm married nearly 30 years and it is not based on feelings. I made vows "for better, or worse; in sickness and health".

That said, you should not tolerate unacceptable behavior. I don't.

Not tolerating unacceptable behavior has made the climate of the marriage much more hospitable. So do your recovery work on the codependence.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,974 Posts
These things have a way of spiralling. It's likely you have lost respect for him or that you think he's emotionally weak. If he thinks the same about him self then there's your catastrophy. He needs to have some confidence and like himself otherwise you're not going to be attracted to him. Maybe he's loaded with confidence and I'm off base but I'm assuming he feels like he's the problem and he's weak and you deserve better etc. He needs to have self worth.

I'm thinking some self help and marriage material for not just you but for him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
Bipolar disorder cannot be cured. It is an episodic illness so there are well times between episodes. I have bp and would never dream of being off medications. It can escalate to the point of being psychotic or delusional. Your husband could lose any control over his behavior wreck your relationship permanently, end up in jail, or hospitalized. It can mess up his career. BP is the world's sixth leading cause of disability. I would urge your husband to get treatment.

Loving someone is a choice. In the beginning it is easy and there is a lot of passion, but over time those feelings dissipate. That's where the hard work comes in. Focus on the things you like about your husband.
Thank you Curlysue,
How long of well times have you had between episodes?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
These things have a way of spiralling. It's likely you have lost respect for him or that you think he's emotionally weak. If he thinks the same about him self then there's your catastrophy. He needs to have some confidence and like himself otherwise you're not going to be attracted to him. Maybe he's loaded with confidence and I'm off base but I'm assuming he feels like he's the problem and he's weak and you deserve better etc. He needs to have self worth.

I'm thinking some self help and marriage material for not just you but for him.
Thank you Thundarr,
He is weak, and I think feels weak. This is now. Most of our marriage he was overloaded with confidence, so much that it dominated me, and my relations with others. After the last episode/explosion, he is so calm, 90% of the time. I do not know about his self worth. Maybe I should bring it up, may be the boiling point though. We have done couples counseling with several therapists, not having good outcomes though. I should bring it up again. I don't think, he on his own will do counseling, due to bad experience.
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top