Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Carlos and I have been dating for 2 years, and were engaged, but a messy breakup in September ended that. We got back together a few weeks later, and for the most part I felt our relationship was better than ever. But last night, out of the blue, he told me he didn't love me anymore, not like he used to. I wanted to work things out and figure out why he feels this way and what we could do to fix it, and at first he was willing to stay open minded and do what we can to figure out why this is going on, but today he decided that instead he wants nothing to do with me. I know the love is still there somewhere, but how can I convince him to give me a chance to help find it?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16 Posts
Hello, angelicaspeaks.

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I must ask for clarification, however, as I feel I'm getting contradictory pieces of information from you. You say that he insisted that we wants nothing to do with you, yet you then claim that he must love you. What is it that he did or said to indicate that he no longer wants to be with you, and why, given his actions or words, do you believe this relationship to be salvageable?

Edit: Verb conjugation.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
Well, the day before we were planning our date night and things had been really awesome, he tells me he loves me all the time (before last night) we haven't had any intimacy problems, he hadn't expressed any negativity in regards to our relationship. Then last night he told me he was scared of the future and decided that he couldn't reciprocate my love. Now, this was after he had a conversation with his friend who said that if he's having doubts he should just leave me. Said friend, just got out of a failed marriage and I feel his negativity is impacting the way Carlos feels about our relationship. Before that, we were happy together, and I know that the love is still there, but I don't know how fix this?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16 Posts
I am sorry to say, but if he came to this decision after a single talk with his friend, then this was not an abrupt decision, I-love-yous notwithstanding. Did you both communicate earnestly, even regarding difficult and uncomfortable issues? It doesn't sound as if he was entirely forthcoming about how he felt about this relationship.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
He is someone who is always easily swayed by friends and family, especially when it comes to our relationship. This isn't the first time he's wanted to break up with me based on a talk with a friend, but he usually is back in a matter of hours apologizing for the lapse in judgment. He gets afraid of commitment, and feels someone else must have the answer, instead of looking within himself. Normally if he is expressing a desire to run away from the relationship, I can talk to him and find what's really bothering him, whether it's a fight with his mom, problems at work, or even he just misses me ( we live 100 miles apart and don't drive so we only see each other every couple months, except when we lived together) but this time he is being downright mean to me when I try to figure this out or compromise. He's been calling me names and saying incredibly hurtful things to me and that is so not like him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
Things are over. He called again last night, and he simply doesn't want to go through this anymore. We've been long distance the majority of the relationship, there has been opposition from our parents, every fight we've ever had just snowballed together and broke him. He wants me in his life, we're best friends, but he just doesn't feel the love that he used to and feels like he has too much going on with himself to try and work things out with me. Now I'm torn. I am still in love with him, being "just friends" will kill me, and I am seriously pissed that he won't let me help him and give us a chance. But on the other hand I understand that he has a lot going on and needs some time to work on himself before he can work on a relationship. So I told him flat out that I am in love with him. That I will be his friend for now because that's what he needs from me. That when he does whatever he needs to do, I'll be waiting for him. When he figures himself out, we can start the relationship anew, based on what we discover about ourselves in this time. He was very appreciative and would like that. He's still not entirely sure if he would fall in love with me again, but as long as we take things day by day, he'll keep his heart open to the possibility. It's definitely going to be incredibly difficult to end all the things I've gotten used to the past 2 years, but this is what he needs from me.
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top