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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi! I am new here. My husband and I have been married for just under a year. We met just under 2 years ago. My husband was the perfect husband but in the last 4 months he has changed completely. He used to put me first & care about my feelings...now he completely ignores me and doesn't care about my feelings on anything. I do love him with all my heart.

My problem: I am still in love with a guy that I was in a relationship with for over 7 years. Him & I haven't seen each other since 2004 but we have kept in contact. We talk every day and he tells me every day that he loves me & wants me to come back home to him in Georgia.

I have already made arrangements for a 3 day visit with him in Georgia and told my husband that I had meetings for work down there. I know I am wrong for doing what I am doing but I feel I have to visit with this guy to see exactly what feelings are left.

Can I get anyones opinion on this? I would love for my marriage to work but I just don't feel like I can handle not getting the attention and not having my husband care about my feelings. I have tried to explain that I need him to care about my feelings but he doesn't care..he simply says if you want to be somewhere else then go...which doesn't make it any easier on me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I don't think my husband has a clue. He is so wrapped up in his business he is starting that I could leave the house & he wouldn't even know. And that is the excuse he uses all the time for not paying attention to me is that "he has to focus on the business".
 

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draconis said:
You have a recipe for disaster and it might be a good bet that your husband knows more then you think and that is why he has been edgy.
i agree with drac on htis.


also...to me, it sounds like you already made up your mind. youve made arrangements to have the affair and you have already lied to your husband about it. sounds like you have already convinced yourself in your head that it is ok.


shld b in ga said:
I would love for my marriage to work but I just don't feel like I can handle not getting the attention and not having my husband care about my feelings.
then cut all ties with your affair, stay home and work on your marriage.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks for the advise..I am cancelling my plans to visit Georgia...but how do I get my husband to listen to me and care about my feelings? I know most of you are going to say to sit down & talk to him but I have tried this and all he does is tell me to quit *****ing and whinning.
 

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You said he's wrapped up in a business he started... is it possible that he's working hard on this new business for the benefit of his family? Starting a new business is very hard and time consuming. That's no excuse for ignoring or mistreating you, but marriage is about sticking with someone through the good and the bad times.

As far as getting him to listen and care, try to stay positive, and try to make plans for you guys to do stuff you used to enjoy doing together before you started having trouble. Like maybe going out to eat or to a movie. Try to be supportive of his endeavors. I always feel closer to my wife after we've spent time alone together, going out on "dates" with my wife every now and then helps too.
 

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Sit down without distractions and tell him that he needs to make a choice of investing into his wife and his marriage or he is going to be without. Straight out tell him he needs to better pay attention to you or you need to leave and find some one that will.

Ask him how successful his business would be if he put only 15 minutes a day into it. Use the business to a conclusion from your relationship and how if it was a business how much it would be suffering at the hands of his neglect.

If he says you are whining etc, tell him that you are giving him the last warning sign that the marriage is failing.

draconis
 

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I think that cancelling your trip to Ga is a good idea, however you need to be point blank with your husband and tell him that either he talks to you about your relationship, he goes to counseling with you or if he truely doesnt care whether you are there or not and he doesnt want to be married then you guys together need to decide to end it. Don't stay in the marriage for sake of convience, that just makes it harder in the long run
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I have tried sitting down & talking to him...it isn't working. I have tried to have us get away. Our 1 year anniversary is the beginning of May and I have tried for the last 3 months to get him to go away with me for the weekend (so it won't interfere with his business) and he doesn't want to go anywhere...he says he is happy just staying at home. I am very supportive of his business and help him with it every evening. I understand that it is stressful to start a business but we are in Ohio and during the winter months he didn't have alot to do for the lawn business in the winter. And all this started before he chose to start his own business.

I want to thank all of you for all your insight & help. You have helped me open my eyes alittle and I hope for the continued support.
 

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well moving to a new state is tough emotionally. Especially if this is your first big move.

Forget the guy in Georgia,t hat is not your answer, I agree with the posts above mine.

A lawn business is tough, don't they shovel snow in the winter plow lots? that is what they did in NJ when I lived there since a lawn buisness is tough to get off the ground and clients, plus the rising cost of fuel can cripple ti, He must be under alot of stress.

Work on your marriage, what was the reason you married him in the first place? The guy in GA is the easy way out and an excuse, you left him for a reason.

Adapt to ohio and find some friends, work it out with your hubby.

Best of luck
 
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