this is my first post and the first step i've taken in trying to reach out to others who are or have gone through a similar situation.
two years ago, i married my best friend and partner. we started dating in college, lived abroad together several years after, and when we came back, got married. we're still "young" (in our late-twenties) but were happy--hopefully not too naive but not too cynical, either. friends praised us for our practical and communicative stances on marital life, and i really felt like we had everything in the world going for us.
several months ago, i was asked if i would like to be promoted to the HQ for my company. it was a shock--and a scary one--since it would take me from the east coast all the way to LA. he and i deliberated for months before agreeing that it was worth a shot. and then everything went to hell.
he's always been a procrastinator, but i did basically all of the packing myself. i found new renters for our apartment, arranged furniture pick ups on craigslist, figured out all the logistics for shipping our car and things across the country. he was still busy at work and although i was frustrated, i just knew he would make it all up to me once we got out there.
but a week after moving to LA, he left. he went back east and said he had to finish work on one last project because his boss had gotten fired and there was no one else to clean up the mess. i begged him not to go, but he went anyway. for a month, we talked, but it felt strange. a day would go by without him picking up, but he always had a story.
last week, he finally came back. i was thrilled. in the past month, i'd found a great apartment and couldn't wait to just finally start our new life together. but i was suspicious beneath all of that happiness. he kept going outside for long phone calls and although he attended multiple job interviews, refused to decide on which job to take. and saturday night, i finally found proof of his infidelity through a text conversation with one of his co-workers. eventually, he told me everything--they'd slept together twice, he still viewed her as a friend, etc. it was like a punch in the face. i couldn't stop crying. even though i've always had a strong work ethic, i asked to take leave from work to get things sorted. i hated that i had to do this, because i'm still new and they had flown me all the way out here and given me a massive promotion. i felt like i was a disappointment.
two nights ago, we talked and he agreed to stay in the city while we worked things out. i was happy, for the first time in a week. i felt like a human. but then, last night, his brother called me and told me that my husband was on a plane, going back to the east. he ignored me calls all night and until i finally tracked him down--he had just gone into work like a normal person. he asked, "how are you? what's up?" in this calm voice, as if nothing had happened. i felt sick, thinking that he was eating lunch with Her, confiding in Her, letting Her help him, when i was just not even worth a text or a call yesterday. this betrayal was even bigger than the cheating--he had allowed me to have hope of rebuilding our relationship only to put me through all this misery again.
so now i'm stuck in LA with a job i don't love, with an apartment that i can't afford on my own, and without any real support system out here. i have a few college friends (the type you partied with and had classes with but just stopped talking to after graduating) that live out here, but my family lives on the east coast, too. i want to hate him more than anything, but when you've been with someone since you were 18, that person becomes part of your life and who you are as a person. honestly, i don't know what it feels like to be alone.
my sister is out here for now and my mom is flying out here tomorrow when my sister has to leave. i'm so afraid of being alone in this. i don't know what i'm doing in my life anymore.
two years ago, i married my best friend and partner. we started dating in college, lived abroad together several years after, and when we came back, got married. we're still "young" (in our late-twenties) but were happy--hopefully not too naive but not too cynical, either. friends praised us for our practical and communicative stances on marital life, and i really felt like we had everything in the world going for us.
several months ago, i was asked if i would like to be promoted to the HQ for my company. it was a shock--and a scary one--since it would take me from the east coast all the way to LA. he and i deliberated for months before agreeing that it was worth a shot. and then everything went to hell.
he's always been a procrastinator, but i did basically all of the packing myself. i found new renters for our apartment, arranged furniture pick ups on craigslist, figured out all the logistics for shipping our car and things across the country. he was still busy at work and although i was frustrated, i just knew he would make it all up to me once we got out there.
but a week after moving to LA, he left. he went back east and said he had to finish work on one last project because his boss had gotten fired and there was no one else to clean up the mess. i begged him not to go, but he went anyway. for a month, we talked, but it felt strange. a day would go by without him picking up, but he always had a story.
last week, he finally came back. i was thrilled. in the past month, i'd found a great apartment and couldn't wait to just finally start our new life together. but i was suspicious beneath all of that happiness. he kept going outside for long phone calls and although he attended multiple job interviews, refused to decide on which job to take. and saturday night, i finally found proof of his infidelity through a text conversation with one of his co-workers. eventually, he told me everything--they'd slept together twice, he still viewed her as a friend, etc. it was like a punch in the face. i couldn't stop crying. even though i've always had a strong work ethic, i asked to take leave from work to get things sorted. i hated that i had to do this, because i'm still new and they had flown me all the way out here and given me a massive promotion. i felt like i was a disappointment.
two nights ago, we talked and he agreed to stay in the city while we worked things out. i was happy, for the first time in a week. i felt like a human. but then, last night, his brother called me and told me that my husband was on a plane, going back to the east. he ignored me calls all night and until i finally tracked him down--he had just gone into work like a normal person. he asked, "how are you? what's up?" in this calm voice, as if nothing had happened. i felt sick, thinking that he was eating lunch with Her, confiding in Her, letting Her help him, when i was just not even worth a text or a call yesterday. this betrayal was even bigger than the cheating--he had allowed me to have hope of rebuilding our relationship only to put me through all this misery again.
so now i'm stuck in LA with a job i don't love, with an apartment that i can't afford on my own, and without any real support system out here. i have a few college friends (the type you partied with and had classes with but just stopped talking to after graduating) that live out here, but my family lives on the east coast, too. i want to hate him more than anything, but when you've been with someone since you were 18, that person becomes part of your life and who you are as a person. honestly, i don't know what it feels like to be alone.
my sister is out here for now and my mom is flying out here tomorrow when my sister has to leave. i'm so afraid of being alone in this. i don't know what i'm doing in my life anymore.
