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Discussion Starter #1
hello all,

I am new to this site and read over the rules of posting. I know there may be some post related to the discussion topic I am about to cover but I searched and no luck.

Anyway, my wife and I have been married for 5 years, she was 19 and i was 20, we don't have any kids and we are both finishing college, neither of us have been unfaithful or have done anything rash to my knowledge. within the last year I have been feeling jealous and depressed and I have taken it out on her , not physically but just resenting her and feeling like she may be with another man I almost want to say that this has happened over night, since high school i cant remember feeling like that. I understand that relationships do change and that our love may be the same but the way we interact will change, I become jealous when she mentions coworkers that are male or that she has to travel with them for work, I don't enjoy the feeling. I guess what I am trying to say is how do i cope and deal with these feelings constructively ? All these feelings really bring me down.
 

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You have to trust her and be proud of her and her accomplishments. For many years Ms. Spin (who is a dead ringer for the St. Pauli Girl) traveled and worked extensively in Latin America. Between her looks and Latin culture, trust me, I understand your feelings; but either she is or she isn’t the woman you married. If she isn’t you’ll find out soon enough but if you cant trust her now – well that says as much to her too about the man she married.
 
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You weren't very clear on what she is acting like or what her behavior is. Is she distancing her self from you? Is she spending alot more time with her girl friends? Is she being more secretive?

What exactly is going on that bring up these feels when it appears she is justt talking about her work day. Is there a specific coworker that keeeps being brought up?
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I guess i am getting these feelings based on how she has changed some what over the past year, for example she started going to happy hour on fridays with her co workers every friday, and what really set me back was when she came back from a three day trip to boise for work and than the next day she had to go to happy hour, so i guess changes in behavior. I also feel that im just being selfish, but at the same time she really makes me feel like im the only husband in history to have a problem with her being around male co workers. I really am trying to just swallow all of how I feel , and become ok with the situation , I dont want to appear controlling in any way.
 

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I guess i am getting these feelings based on how she has changed some what over the past year, for example she started going to happy hour on fridays with her co workers every friday, and what really set me back was when she came back from a three day trip to boise for work and than the next day she had to go to happy hour, so i guess changes in behavior. I also feel that im just being selfish, but at the same time she really makes me feel like im the only husband in history to have a problem with her being around male co workers. I really am trying to just swallow all of how I feel , and become ok with the situation , I dont want to appear controlling in any way.
Why are you not going to Friday happy hour with her?

When I was your age & married (before children) my husband & I always went to happy hour together.
 

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For some reason I feel like I am not invited. I mean she invites me but I dont feel like its sincere. Also isnt it good to allow her breathing room, again Im willing to put my emoptional needs aside so she can be happy.
 

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For some reason I feel like I am not invited. I mean she invites me but I dont feel like its sincere. Also isnt it good to allow her breathing room, again Im willing to put my emoptional needs aside so she can be happy.
Okay, first get yourself to a doctor for your depression. You may also have anxiety.

Of course she invites you. You are her husband but your depression & low self-esteem is keeping you down. If you don't spend time with her & go out & have fun with her at these happy hours, then your marriage is going to have problems.

As you know, other men at happy hour are checking out your wife. Without you by her side, she is going to get hit on. Wearing a wedding ring does not matter to some men. I am not saying she will flirt back.

As to breathing room? She gets that by going to work & school. People don't get married to get "breathing room."

Finally, no, you don't put her emotional needs about yours. You are doing that now & look how that's working for you - you are jealou & depressed.
 

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Have you considered that she might resent you because you never go with her to happy hour? You're saying you don't really feel invited...I think you have a very low self-esteem and since you don't like yourself, you can't imagine why she'd want you to hang out with her and her coworkers. Stop the pity party and self isolation, which eventually in your mind will turn into resentment towards her for neglecting you, and get involved in her life as you have been invited to do.
 
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