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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
To give you a quick history. I have been with my H for 9+ years we have been married for 3+ years. I have 2 children from my Crazy X and he has 2 from his (who are not his Bio children). His children are grown 23 and 21 the Girl still lives in our house even though she is married, her husband is stationed in Alaska.

My H and I have a son together who we have through IVF in December 2010 His only Bio Child. Since giving birth I have been fighting illnesses, in and out of the hospital, weighing under 100lbs and just generaly feeling like crap. I would tell my husband how I was feeling and what was wrong almost every day until one day I guess he just had enough, he got upset and told me he never want to hear about me being sick again, He was tired of it being the only thing I talked about.
I was hurt and since then have kind of distanced myself from him. We do fight alot about his daughter who is 21, works 8 hours a week and does nothing around the house. He refused to make her and if I try to push the matter he threatens to move out. My kids on the other hand have all kinds of house hold chores and get in trouble if the dont assist with keeping the hosue in order. I have asked him why he doesnt expect his Daughter to do anything and he says its to late to teach her anything she is already full grown, which I think is crap.

Recently I have been sick again and grumpy not really in the mood for xmas or anything and he blew up 2 nights ago saying that I'm never happy.
He always asks me whats wrong but I really dont feel grumpy or upset I just dont feel 100% and I'm not runing around being super happy I guess. During this most recent argument, he addmitted that I bring him down and that he doesnt want to be around me anymore. He said that he doesnt love me anymore....
Now I dont know what to do. Every time I look at him all I can hear is I dont love you any more, How do you move past that I love him, and even though I'm not feeling well I do everything that needs to be done ever day. There is always dinner, I work , he always has clean clothing to wear.

I dont want to quit but I feel like I have zero support or love
 

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You've got a few things going on. First, let's look at your role in things and then his...

Your illness does keep you from being positive and upbeat as often as he needs you to be, it sounds like. It's understandable that he may be feeling "down" if you're frequently complaining about stuff. This means that right now probably isn't the right time to raise issues about his daughter.

I'd encourage you to find ways to look for joy in your life. Use positive affirmations a few times each day so that you can be the positive influence that he needs you to be.

If you start doing this, I believe you'll start coming closer to each other again. You'll need that closeness to overcome your differences on the children.

For his part, he has tuned you out. You can't make him want to be there, so when he threatens to leave, let him go if he doesn't want to be half of the whole relationship. Otherwise, you're fighting a losing battle.

People want to be loved and cherished. What are you doing to show him that he is? It's up to you to be a great partner if you want a great partner.
 

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First question... what is wrong with you? Have you been to a doctor? Diagnosed? I know my wife continually complained about being tired (and headaches, etc...). When I suggested she see a doctor, I got "Don't tell me what to do!"

If you have been to a doctor, great. What's the story? If you haven't, why not? It's obviously affecting your life and his.

The daughter? Stop doing. Period. No clothes washing, no cooking, no cleaning, no money (may be hard with Dad), no cell phone, no computer, no internet access. Everyone pulls their weight or they don't get a share.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I have been to multi doctor and have hyper active intestines which they beleive was caused by the excessive amount of medication during IVF treatment. To explain my intestines move so quickly all the time the food I eat doesnt have time to digest. So finally after months of test they figured it out. Now I'm on medication to paralize the intestine after I eat. Well recently I have been having horrible stomach pain after some testing they dicovered there are several places in my intestine that has died and needs to be removed I have an apt with a surgeon today to get the ball rolling on that.

I know I need to be more positive and I'm going to set a goal to tell him at least a few times a day something good.

Thanks for your replys I just need someone to talk to so bad...
 

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What you should tell him is that you are working on a solution that was not your fault to begin with and are looking forward to getting past this. That is a positive message to send.

My advice about the daughter still stands. She's an adult... let her take care of herself or have Dad do it (until he, too, is sick of it).
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
The issue with his daughter at this point I can not even address, If I even bring up her names he is on the defensive and the fight is one. I know that this may seem childish but some times I feel like cares for her more than the rest of us put together.
When she is home I feel unconfortable in my own home and I know things would been better if she would just move out and move on with her life.
I see the love and affection that he give toward her and it hurts me, makes me mad and Im sure changes they way I act towards him when she is home..

:(
 
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