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6 Posts
This is new to me so I’ll try my best to explain my issue, with the right information (impossible, right?). It’s only been about six weeks since my husband told me. He went away for training for two months. When he came back he told me that he did not want to be married any more. He wants a divorce. He’s been unhappy for two years. He said that he’s given me chances and tried to tell me that he was unhappy and what about. Yes, in hindsight, I agree. I always knew that I’ve been depressed for the last few years. However, I didn’t know how depressed I was, still don’t. I started counseling about five weeks ago. Since it’s the first time and first counselor I’ve been to, ever, I’m not sure that it’s the right one for me. I don’t know when to start looking for someone else. All we do is sit there and talk. Sometimes there’s silences, awkward ones where she starts looking for something to talk about, like she’s trying to stretch our session out, at least for the last two meetings. Or she seems unbiased, like she’s surprised by my husband’s actions. I’m trying to work on myself and be productive and proactive and work on me in the meantime. But I just don’t feel I get that with this counselor. I know that he's got issues to work on too, but not sure that he's going to admit to that.
Anyhow, back on topic. I don’t know what to do. I FINALLY got the courage to talk to him two days ago about us. Finally. He’s unchanged. He told me that he has emotionally removed himself so that he doesn’t feel sorry for me and give our relationship another try. His reason? Because he knows that I’ll go right back to what I am right now, someone that’s not who he fell in love with. But how can he possibly know that?! I recognize I’m depressed. He’s in the infantry. You’d think he’d recognize depression in his own wife and encourage me to get help, a long time ago. But he won’t give us a chance, me a chance. We have a child and another one on the way. I’m due in a month! (Probably half the reason why this is so hard. Hormones.) He’s relying on his internet research and people he’s confided in. He says it’s the best thing for him. So, his children are now going to grow up without a father because he’s in the Army and now after six years of me begging him to move, he’s decided that he will move, … without us.
So, I’m not even sure what my question is. How do I get him to go to counseling? I've asked him three separate times and he's "too busy" being a drill sgt. How do I cope? He lives in the same house. How do I stop the pain? How do I get him to listen? He says that when I’m nice it makes him uncomfortable because he thinks that I’m doing it to win him back and he doesn’t want to give me the wrong impression. So there’s constant tension … I’m lost and confused. Divorce was never an option for me and now I’m going to be a single mother of two children under 3 and three large dogs and a house that I’m financially stuck in and nowhere to turn, no one to confide in. My family is clueless.
Anyhow, back on topic. I don’t know what to do. I FINALLY got the courage to talk to him two days ago about us. Finally. He’s unchanged. He told me that he has emotionally removed himself so that he doesn’t feel sorry for me and give our relationship another try. His reason? Because he knows that I’ll go right back to what I am right now, someone that’s not who he fell in love with. But how can he possibly know that?! I recognize I’m depressed. He’s in the infantry. You’d think he’d recognize depression in his own wife and encourage me to get help, a long time ago. But he won’t give us a chance, me a chance. We have a child and another one on the way. I’m due in a month! (Probably half the reason why this is so hard. Hormones.) He’s relying on his internet research and people he’s confided in. He says it’s the best thing for him. So, his children are now going to grow up without a father because he’s in the Army and now after six years of me begging him to move, he’s decided that he will move, … without us.
So, I’m not even sure what my question is. How do I get him to go to counseling? I've asked him three separate times and he's "too busy" being a drill sgt. How do I cope? He lives in the same house. How do I stop the pain? How do I get him to listen? He says that when I’m nice it makes him uncomfortable because he thinks that I’m doing it to win him back and he doesn’t want to give me the wrong impression. So there’s constant tension … I’m lost and confused. Divorce was never an option for me and now I’m going to be a single mother of two children under 3 and three large dogs and a house that I’m financially stuck in and nowhere to turn, no one to confide in. My family is clueless.