Last night, the boys wanted STBXW and I to go out to a family dinner and then get ice cream. We did and they were so excited as we hadn't done anything with all 4 of us in over a month since this started. Before we left, STBXW hands me the documents my lawyer had requested (gee - thanks). Our son with behavioral issues did so well all day yesterday and at dinner. I'm so concerned for him with what's coming up.
Late last night, I got to thinking about when this bomb dropped in Sept I accepted all the blame for this because of my crappy behavior the last couple of years due to the financial/emotional stress of the last years. But then I started making a list of what her life has been like since we met and what I have been able to provide for her and our family the last 11 years:
1. A stable and secure foundation for her to become a successful attorney, a memeber of the Board of Trustees of one of the largest Methodist churches in our state, active in PTO and community activities
2. 4 houses - one totally remodelled, 2 custom-built, the last one designed to her tastes in one of the best school disticts in the state
3. 2 beautiful, healthy twin boys
4. A full-time private nanny until the boys were 3 so they didn't have to go to day care
5. The best pre-school programs available for our kids
6. A loving and supportive extended family
7. Family vacations to the Caribbean, South Carolina, California, and New England
8. Trips to Europe
9. Cruises
10. A remodelled waterfront lakehouse with dock, boats, and jetskis
11. 100% unconditional trust
12. The financial wherewithal to go and do just about anything
13. A 100% dedicated, involved, hands-on father to the kids
14. A 100% dedicated partner
As she said, "We've built the perfect life, but it's not perfect". Yes I can clearly see I have created a living hell that would "kill someone's soul" and "suck the life" out of someone.
When we met, she was days out of rehab for cocaine abuse, a casualty of the LA party scene, fired from her first job out of law school because of it, and flat broke. My friends told me to stay away but I found her so sexy, vulnerable, and full of potential and I was infatuated and head over heels. In hindsight, I probably should have listened.
OK - end needy, clingy "How could you?" rant and file it here. As Conrad advised, I'm keeping my mouth shut.