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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hi everyone!!
I have been getting sucked in to the posts her on TAM for almost 4 years without joining - I feel like I know all the regular posters personally! Lol!! So I thought it was time to join officially, and stop being a Lurker... :-D

I don't really have any problems in my marriage to talk about, but some of the discussions here are SO interesting, sometimes I want to pipe-up and add my thoughts, or ask questions! It will be hard for me though, because I hate being on the computer, I'm more of a "do-er of stuff", and when I start reading on TAM, I can lose half a day (or more!), which drives me CRAZY!!

I have been married to my second husband for almost 14yrs, and we've been together almost 17. I ADORE him!!!! He is 7 years older than me, which I also love! My first husband (together 15yrs, since high school) was a violent alcoholic, and I actually ran away from him (with our 3 little kids) after his first physically violent episode - I wasn't sticking around for THAT crap, especially with small children - and drove as far away as I could in one day -- about 1000 miles! I settled in here, and hid from him for 10 years, until he lost interest (and spent time in jail). Being with my new husband has been a totally different experience, and his love taught me SO MUCH -- I'm still learning how to feel safe and accept his love!

I was anorexic in my teens, and am in "remission" now -- NEVER think of eating disorders as "cured", they never can be...it's like a drug addict: it's still part of me, I'm just not "engaging" in it anymore -- but I still really struggle with body image issues, ESPECIALLY now that I'm getting older. I try to deal with my thoughts practically, and it seems to help. My husband's patience has been the biggest benefit and cause of my healing...I know I'm intense, annoying, and relentless sometimes, so I am very grateful to him for loving me steadily through all my craziness!! AND....maybe next time my insecurities become overwhelming, I can post on here and get some perspective and support, instead of grasping at my husband so much....LUCKY for you guys!!! :grin2:

I really love reading all the different viewpoints of the posters on here! Some of you guys are really insightful and articulate, and I've gotten so much out of just reading the threads!! I doubt I can add much, but I'd love to join in with a question or comment sometimes...MAYBE....! Lol!!

;)
 

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I was anorexic in my teens, and am in "remission" now -- NEVER think of eating disorders as "cured", they never can be...it's like a drug addict: it's still part of me, I'm just not "engaging" in it anymore -- but I still really struggle with body image issues,
Welcome to TAM! I left this part up because I can relate. I was extremely overweight in my early

teens. Partly due to depression brought on by my pop's mental and verbal abuse, the medication I

was on (Tegretol), and basic peer pressure. There was an episode on vacation which led me to anorexia.

At the time, I didn't know there was even a term for it. I decided to cut back on eating.

At first it worked wonders but you always lose swiftly in the beginning...then it gets hard. That's why

many people stop their diet plan. I was 15....and thought I needed to step up my game. I started

going a couple days without eating, then eat some. The weight was coming off but not as fast as before.

I stepped it up to a few days, then five. A few times I went as long as seven-ten days. Long story short,

I went from 305 / 5'4 to 155 / 5'9 in eight months. Actually not that hard when you are a teen.

I knew I was tempting my health when I passed out in the kitchen late one evening. I stopped fasting

and just ate much better. During that time I stopped taking the medication (parents didn't know).

The first time I did this, you can say it was over body image, same for the second time it happened

just a year later. I still fast (I'm 47 now) but for certain reasons and for certain periods of time. My

most recent was a bit over a month ago. My last one over body image was just over 30 years ago.

But I will never forget the fat-jokes, the teasing, the insults from my pop. Of course body image

is much more centralized on females. I could go into a lot more but this is your thread. And I just wanted

to let you know....I've been where you have. I'm glad to know we both have our demons under control.
 

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Lolol!!!

Umm...this isn't exactly how I wanted my intro-post to go.... (where's the dang "blushing" emoji??)

And ok, since I'm a people-pleaser, HERE--- <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/moon.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Moon" >:)</a>
If you’ve been reading here for awhile, you should have expected that! Lol

Welcome to TAM.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
But I will never forget the fat-jokes, the teasing, the insults from my pop. Of course body image

is much more centralized on females. I could go into a lot more but this is your thread. And I just wanted

to let you know....I've been where you have. I'm glad to know we both have our demons under control.

This just makes me SO SAD....I'm very sorry for the struggles and pain you've gone through and I really appreciate your post!
I think eating disorders are as much about POWER as body image, and those pressures are on boys as well as girls -- it's about trying to be HEARD and CARED FOR, and being desperate for it! It's a form of self-harm, and is so hard to treat. Like I said, starving myself is always an option in my thinking when I'm afraid of how I look or feeling unloved (which I always blame on how I look); it's a coping mechanism that I never consider, but still whispers to me from the back of my mind. So yeah, the demons are under control, but they are still there, looking for a way out.

MY dad always objectified women, CONSTANTLY, and leered openly in front of me and my sister, telling us why he found each particular woman sexually alluring (at the beach, in the store, driving down the road, etc) -- we were never physically molested by him, but we both have the same traits of girls who were molested, so I think the damage was similar. I have NEVER felt "sexy enough" to be satisfying to my husband (or my first husband). I have worked VERY HARD to replace my dad's "ideal" picture of women with a more gentle, loving view of what an ideal woman is supposed to look like - I'm not there yet, but I probably never will be. I have to CHOOSE to believe my husband, and then not think about it!

It's also about re-parenting ourselves, and there are a few great books about it that really helped me make peace with that nasty voice in my head, hurling my dad's criticisms at me and feeding my insecurities. I highly recommend that route, if you start to struggle again!

Thank you so much for sharing something so personal and painful - feel free to post more if you want, this isn't "my" thread to me! I posted (and joined) because I WANT to hear people's stories!!:smile2:
 

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MY dad always objectified women, CONSTANTLY, and leered openly in front of me and my sister, telling us why he found each particular woman sexually alluring (at the beach, in the store, driving down the road, etc) -- we were never physically molested by him, but we both have the same traits of girls who were molested, so I think the damage was similar. I have NEVER felt "sexy enough" to be satisfying to my husband (or my first husband). I have worked VERY HARD to replace my dad's "ideal" picture of women with a more gentle, loving view of what an ideal woman is supposed to look like - I'm not there yet, but I probably never will be. I have to CHOOSE to believe my husband, and then not think about it!
Wow, that SUCKS. He did molest you, he molested your mind. :(

I'm so sorry, wtf was he thinking??? I hate hearing things like this. It is just plain WRONG to do this to a child. Ugh.
 

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My first husband (together 15yrs, since high school) was a violent alcoholic, and I actually ran away from him (with our 3 little kids) after his first physically violent episode - I wasn't sticking around for THAT crap, especially with small children - and drove as far away as I could in one day -- about 1000 miles! I settled in here, and hid from him for 10 years, until he lost interest (and spent time in jail). Being with my new husband has been a totally different experience, and his love taught me SO MUCH -- I'm still learning how to feel safe and accept his love!
Bravo to you!!! I LOVE when a woman refuses to take that crap. So glad you found a man who knows how to love a woman.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I'm so sorry, wtf was he thinking??? I hate hearing things like this. It is just plain WRONG to do this to a child. Ugh.

RIGHT!?!? He is a flaming narcissist as well, so there was never any way to talk sense into him (people tried), about anything. I haven't spoken to him in 18 years, THANK GOD, but the damage to my self-concept was already done.

But that's ok - I'm continually healing, learning and growing as a person, and I actually LIKE how my bad (and good) experiences have shaped me into the person I am now!! I don't think I would change anything!

Thanks! <3
 

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Welcome! Glad you decided to join so you can comment.

Sorry I missed your avatar. A good laugh is medicine for me! Maybe you can post it inside your post for those of us who missed it?

That was really BRAVE of you to take off with three small children and start over! So glad you are happy and have been for many years now.
 
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