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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello all, I want one and want to tell my husband how to give me one.

I keep thinking I'll buy the book, "She Comes First," and give it to my husband, but I've bought other sex books with tips and asked him to read and he won't, so I think I just have to tell him, which I will any night now. After reading lots here over the last few weeks, I am slowly losing my shyness and feeling more bold about asking him to try new ways to use his fingers and mouth on me. I don't think he takes me seriously, though, and must think he's a fabulous lover that doesn't need any advice.

On Sat. night, he was using his fingers on my clitoris, which he rubs with a vengeance, which is really too forceful and hard, and asked him to trace letters, like an S and small n. I think he thought that must be ridiculous. He did each letter once, although I couldn't recognize any letters, then reverted back to the aggressive rubbing.

I know I need to have a more direct conversation with him and ask him to try new techniques so that I can have a more fulfilling sex life. I know I'd look forward and want sex more if I enjoyed it more.

And although I'm looking for tips for oral sex, the G-spot orgasm is elusive to me, even with the use of a G-spot vibrator. I'm not looking for a mind-blowing vaginal orgasm - any kind of vaginal orgasm would be a good place to start there, but I'm mainly asking about a clitoral orgasm, since I know I can do that.
 

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I can only advise from a mans point of view.
Manual stimulation directly does work. But it's not something that produces screaming orgasms. This is reserved for oral stimulation. Is he happy to do this?
There are two situations that have my DW screaming into a pillow (she even has a small pillow just for this purpose)
1. Using a large glass dildo thrusting in and out whilst using my tongue directly on her clit.
2. On her hands and knees again using my tongue directly against her clit but from behind. This maybe little 'out there' as my nose is directly in her anus area.
But, it works for us. She either needs her pillow close by or we have to be in an empty home.

If your secure enough to try this then why not ask.
 

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Your not going to overcome this problem until you can rid yourself of the shyness and speak in clear language with him to tell him what you want. If you think you cannot get it out in person, try writing a letter.

If you've set the precedent that everything he has been doing has been fine by you, he has no reason NOT to believe he's got excellent bedroom skills. Hinting about trying new things isn't going to be enough to wake him up. Be prepared that he may even be upset that you've let him continue on for so long thinking he knew what you liked. He may be a bit miffed that you've waited so long to tell him.

I truly believe that most men truly want to satisfy their partners. It is your responsibility to teach him how to do that. You shouldn't expect him to come to bed just knowing what is going to work for you. No matter how much experience he's had prior to you, each woman is so different. Techniques he learned may not work on you. Similarly, any knowledge gained from a how-to book may prove just as useless.

Your pleasure is your responsibility. Begin by learning your own body. Then you must teach him what you have learned. He can help you come up with new ways to get there, but only after you and he have mastered the basics of what definitely works for you vs. what doesn't. Have him watch you masturbate. That is the easiest way to have him understand what works for you. Until I did that in front of my H, he had no idea that I needed constant, repetitive movement to O. He was taking his tips from porn, sadly!
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IG,
As a man, I have found the key to giving my wife screaming orgasms is to love what I am doing. I think that sometimes guys can see doing things to their wives as a chore. Rub, rub, lick, lick.....now let me stick it in.
When I give my wife oral, I make it into a feast. I love giving her oral almost as much as she likes receiving it. I take my time. The reason I do is because I want to savor every moment. I want to see how her body responds when my tongue touches her clit and when I gently nibble on the folds of her labia. I love it when she grabs my head and runs her fingers through my hair as I am engulfing every inch of her. Soft and slow that builds up to a huge finish. I could easily spend 30-45 minutes down there. The entire time, I am enjoying myself immensely. Your husband is going to have to learn to see your pleasure as his pleasure.
 
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For my partner it's more about stimulating her all over before diving for the clitoris. Kissing and touching all those sensitive areas for an extended period of time before moving on to her clitoris is what works for her. And even then not treating it like a sprint. Build her up...tease her...touch her some more...then build her up a little more and so on...
 

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My wife seems to like it when I use a bit of suction as she is about to climax...pulling her clit and part of her labia into my mouth and run my tongue all around it in a swirling and back and forth motion...maintaining the suction, all the while my figures are partially inserted, softly pressing and moving back and forth on her g-spot.
 

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Thanks Oldmatelot...thanks to last night my marriage is back on track....for now...so tonight OR tomorrow
night I will try licking her clit with her on her hands and knees....should be a hoot!
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Order a rabbit vibrator (you can even do so on Amazon if you're shy of adult toy sites) and have him go down on you while both parts of the toy do its thing. You'll cum in seconds. And if he's lousy in bed, you won't need him once you have the rabbit.
 

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We were just fooling around and I was rubbing my clit while he watched, then he put his fingers inside me with firm pressure on my g spot, the ensuing orgasm was extremely intense. I don't usually get a lot out of g spot stimulation but this combined effort really worked.
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Hello all, I want one and want to tell my husband how to give me one.

I keep thinking I'll buy the book, "She Comes First," and give it to my husband, but I've bought other sex books with tips and asked him to read and he won't, so I think I just have to tell him, which I will any night now. After reading lots here over the last few weeks, I am slowly losing my shyness and feeling more bold about asking him to try new ways to use his fingers and mouth on me. I don't think he takes me seriously, though, and must think he's a fabulous lover that doesn't need any advice.

On Sat. night, he was using his fingers on my clitoris, which he rubs with a vengeance, which is really too forceful and hard, and asked him to trace letters, like an S and small n. I think he thought that must be ridiculous. He did each letter once, although I couldn't recognize any letters, then reverted back to the aggressive rubbing.

I know I need to have a more direct conversation with him and ask him to try new techniques so that I can have a more fulfilling sex life. I know I'd look forward and want sex more if I enjoyed it more.

And although I'm looking for tips for oral sex, the G-spot orgasm is elusive to me, even with the use of a G-spot vibrator. I'm not looking for a mind-blowing vaginal orgasm - any kind of vaginal orgasm would be a good place to start there, but I'm mainly asking about a clitoral orgasm, since I know I can do that.
So, your G-Spot is actually part of your clitoris - it's just stimulated on its back side from the inside of your vagina. Your clitoris is HUGE. It extends from the head that we all know and love, all the way down your vulva, slightly curved around the outside of your vagina, and ends near the anus.

Many women, I believe in the ball park of 70%, are unable to orgasm from G-spot stim, alone. Most need some sort of external clitoral stimulation.

MAKE your husband read she comes first. It is a book on cunnilingus. THAT'S ALL. My wife thought my skills in that department were lacking. Well, NO MORE! Trust me, it's the best thing you can have your husband do for you if you really want to have an orgasm from oral.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
thanks all and thanks daneosaurus for your endorsement of that book and admitting that your oral skills were lacking but that this booked helped. I CAN get an orgasm from oral, but it's so boring and frustrating by the time I do orgasm. He's too fast, rough, wrong place. I'll get that book. Thanks so much.
 

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Manual stimulation directly does work. But it's not something that produces screaming orgasms. This is reserved for oral stimulation. Is he happy to do this?
Not so in my experience. Quite the opposite. Oral stimulation will produce a "nice orgasm", and if she's a "screamer", sure, she'll make some noise. But in order to give a woman a true close the windows, hope the neighbors don't hear type screaming orgasm, you have a much greater chance of doing so via manual stimulation and a vaginal orgasm.

Right about the time she's saying "no, stop, no" is about the time to "throw on the gas", don't give up, and push her over the edge into the orgasm she's almost afraid to have.

When they're screaming, taking skin off your back, have uncontrollable body movements, and they're speaking in a language you've never heard before, you're there. I've never seen a woman get very close to that via oral stimulation.
 

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My wife directs me and my hand... has hold of my hand and I follow it in both speed and pressure..., but it's my fingers..

Since she finally decided to stop repressing herself sexually, she's learning what works best and directs my movements until I know them well. She has NEVER said anything out loud before during orgasm... She did this time and it was so intense it got choked off - too intense to vocalize...

If your H won't let you do this, or doesn't want to, he's an idiot. That's all I can say. Because it's one of the best thrills he can get doing you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
thanks, all. I just have to remember that if he said to me, "do this... or do that...or try this..." I would not be offended. And I'm going to buy that book.
 

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Hello all, I want one and want to tell my husband how to give me one.

I keep thinking I'll buy the book, "She Comes First," and give it to my husband, but I've bought other sex books with tips and asked him to read and he won't, so I think I just have to tell him, which I will any night now. After reading lots here over the last few weeks, I am slowly losing my shyness and feeling more bold about asking him to try new ways to use his fingers and mouth on me. I don't think he takes me seriously, though, and must think he's a fabulous lover that doesn't need any advice.

On Sat. night, he was using his fingers on my clitoris, which he rubs with a vengeance, which is really too forceful and hard, and asked him to trace letters, like an S and small n. I think he thought that must be ridiculous. He did each letter once, although I couldn't recognize any letters, then reverted back to the aggressive rubbing.

I know I need to have a more direct conversation with him and ask him to try new techniques so that I can have a more fulfilling sex life. I know I'd look forward and want sex more if I enjoyed it more.

And although I'm looking for tips for oral sex, the G-spot orgasm is elusive to me, even with the use of a G-spot vibrator. I'm not looking for a mind-blowing vaginal orgasm - any kind of vaginal orgasm would be a good place to start there, but I'm mainly asking about a clitoral orgasm, since I know I can do that.
I am afraid individual variations make a single answer impossible....

On 2 occasions, my wife has fainted from the intensity of PIV orgasms....(applause applause). Is that mind blowing enough?

Don't ask me why those two instances were different from several thousand similar orgasms.....(yes we used to have LOTS of sex)...sadly no longer....

Good luck...:smthumbup:
 

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from your brief descriptions IslandGirl3 it sounds as if you are in the classic situation of the one partner not aware of what really arouses the other partner. It can be relatively easy for us men to get up, get about the "business' and have a climax and be done with intimacy for the moment leaving the woman back at the starting block.
Also sounds like your guy is of the school, "if a little rub is good, a lot of rub must be better" and he applies quantity over quality.
Finally, he sounds like many of us males who have no time for reading some "manual" just like the guy who is driving around lost would rather blunder along for miles than stop and ask for directions.
And you sound like a woman who wants her man to deeply intense arousal where you just can't take it for another second yet want it to continue until you explode in a glorious climax. The kind where the woman buries her face in the pillow to muffle her shrieks and screams. That experience usually is best done with the slow build.
Perhaps you can bring you husband along this path in bits and pieces. For instance, get a timer (one of those little hour glass egg timers is good for this) and for, say 2 minutes, ask your hubby to explore your body with a single finger. Or turn it into a game - challenge him to make you squirm during the time limit using a single finger or his tongue or an ostrich feather. And he finds a sensitive spot, the next round he has to find a new spot. You get the idea. Build from there, increasing the time for him to explore and adding more fingers to the exploration.
And of course your reciprocate doing things you know he loves and craves.
Good luck.
 

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I think it's true that every woman is different in how she likes to be stimulated. This is really important for men to know, because otherwise they end up doing the same thing that worked for their previous partner, and doesn't work for the present one. Men really need to get this, otherwise they'll think it's the woman and not them..you know?

For instance, I like to have my clit pressed fairly hard, apparently from my experience it doesn't seem I'm very common. Most of the lovers I'v had press so lightly either with their tongues or fingers, I can hardly feel it, maybe they think it's more delicate than it really is, I have no clue. Your hubby needs some education on the subject, not so much you.

As for the screaming orgasms, they won't always happen, sometimes it's stronger than others, really depends on the mood, the foreplay, the length of time between having sex etc. I noticed as I get older that they are definately stronger, but I am also more comfortable and free about the whole experience, so I feel ok with just expressing the way it feels.'

I bought this book on orgasms once, it was really helpful. One of the things it mentioned was to breath when you're about to orgasm, we sometimes hold our breath, and it can dull it. There's great info in it. I lent it to a friend of mine, and she never gave it back to me...hmmmm
 
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