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Hi. New to the forum. I’m 38 and married to my 35 year old husband. We will be married two years next month. We have a 1 year old son. I just found a text on his phone about an appointment he made back in May. I looked up the number and it came up as a massage parlor but also as an escort service. I’m devastated. Im here looking for support and trying to figure out the best way to approach the situation.
 

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First welcome, but sorry you are here for that reason.
Have you found ANY other texts? Can you run a recovery tool on his phone (you will need to grab it for a while without him knowing)?
VERY sorry that you have this issue -- others will certainly chime in to help...
 

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I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

I will tell you that cheaters are rarely caught the FIRST time they cheat. It sounds as though he got sloppy one time and forgot to delete the text. But think LOGICALLY. If this were the one and only time he did this, don't you think he'd be super-duper paranoid about it and would have removed every last trace of his one-time dalliance? Of course he would have!

That's why I'm telling you this is very likely NOT his first rodeo. He simply got a little careless and forgot to erase this particular message.

It's just the first time you've caught him.

But cheaters lie like rugs and will ONLY admit to what you can prove. And all you can prove is ONE text he didn't delete, so he's going to lie his fool head off to you.

I'll save you some time and tell you exactly what he's going to claim when you confront him. He'll tell you that he only contacted her for the fantasy of it but he never intended to go through with it - and didn't. It was merely for the thrill that he was playing around pretending to make an appointment and because it was just a game, he forgot to erase the message - that's how not serious it really was. Oh - and he'll be happy to take a poly to prove it AND he swears on your child's life that he never cheated on you.

That about covers all the standard lies they tell.

If you think for one minute he won't swear on his own kid's life while lying through his teeth to you in order to avoid divorce court, you couldn't be more wrong if you tried.

After you've seen his dog and pony show about how innocent he is and how he has 'too much to lose to EVER cheat on you,' you still need to schedule a full panel of STD testing for both Casanova as well as yourself. Oh, he'll protest and claim he's as pure as the driven snow and you don't NEED the tests, but go read a couple infidelity boards and read the stories of women who believed their cheating husbands when they claimed they didn't need testing because he'd never cheated - and these women believed them and ended up losing body parts to disease or losing their unborn babies because of it. Get the testing.

You likely won't get the truth so I'd actually highly recommend setting up a poly and make that a requirement for you to consider staying with him.

I will tell you this - if you choose to 'reconcile' with him based on what he tells you when you confront him, then that's not true reconciliation at ALL because he'll likely still be lying to you. You can't 'reconcile' with someone whose still lying to your face every single day.
 
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