Looking for sanity

I'm brand new here and presently going through a separation towards divorce. I've been married for 21 years this August. My wife initiated the legal separation a couple months ago, even though we've been apart off and on over the last five years.....she's been on the fence.....I've tried desperately to the point of "neediness and depression to make it work. There have been many issues over the years, but financial struggles have been the BIGGY for her mainly although they have consumed me as well. There are so many things I could ask, but I'll start here: We have five children.....I moved out of our home so she has primary oversight of them all.
She has started a new relationship with our accountant less than 1 month out of the separation (no....it wasn't going on before hand) and I am beginning to wonder how I have tolerated her judgment so well over the years. She had a brief "emotional affair" with one of our EMPLOYEES 5 years ago when things started going south. I know she is pursuing this new relationship because of emails I read. Don't know if she is just lonely, looking for financial security or what. BUT.....even though she initiated the divorce and probably started moving on well before me.......doesn't she still need time to heal? Shouldn't she be more concerned with the adjustments and well being of the kids right now.....especially since she has primary responsibility right now? Is she in a rebound.....if such a thing exists...to avoid the pain of our marriage ending? Does she not need time to reflect and grow from the short comings she caused in the marriage breakdown? Am I wrong to question her judgment......not that it's really my business anymore.
Any input would be greatly appreciated!!