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Hi-

I'm 33. My marriage has been extremely troubled and neared divorce many times. My wife has left me at least seven times.
I've always been trying to be a good man and fulfill my duties, though I am very unhappy with my marriage.

I'm 6'4, muscular, and a compassionate man. I have a lot of passion and consider myself kind. I've always been a good provider. I have never asked for much, and I'm used to not being well cared for in my marriage. But when she gets mean, that's when things get rough. Unfortunately I hate conflict and she can generally cow me into submission so I dont stand a chance winning any arguments.

I feel trapped in my marriage because of the children. Also because I don't want to hurt her or diminish her quality or life. After 10 years and a near divorce she finally began work, but doesnt want to. She also doesn't like cooking or cleaning. She is constantly depressed and refuses to take care of herself. And while she doesnt really want me, shes made it quite clear that she will not let me go.

Most of the time I am ok with all of this (until she gets mean). But I am a sexual creature, and the best years of my life are disappearing. The sexual frustration is building on me. I've tried talking to her about it, but she claims she is not a ***** and sex is gross.
 

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You feel like you’re compassionate, kind and understanding but it comes across as a doormatish MF Nice Guy. Not a very attractive trait for some women.

You can’t make her do a thing and you have taught her how she can treat you.

Better start with fixing yourself.
 

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Alright, can you elaborate the 7 times your wife has left you?

- What did she say when she was leaving
- How long does these vacancies go
- Where does she say she is going

Something is not adding up here. The way you describe her and it may be completely accurate but you describe her as a lazy troll and you are good in appearance and a good provider. Why does she keep leaving that? In her own words and why do you think?
 

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Hi-

I'm 33. My marriage has been extremely troubled and neared divorce many times. My wife has left me at least seven times.
I've always been trying to be a good man and fulfill my duties, though I am very unhappy with my marriage.

I'm 6'4, muscular, and a compassionate man. I have a lot of passion and consider myself kind. I've always been a good provider. I have never asked for much, and I'm used to not being well cared for in my marriage. But when she gets mean, that's when things get rough. Unfortunately I hate conflict and she can generally cow me into submission so I dont stand a chance winning any arguments.

I feel trapped in my marriage because of the children. Also because I don't want to hurt her or diminish her quality or life. After 10 years and a near divorce she finally began work, but doesnt want to. She also doesn't like cooking or cleaning. She is constantly depressed and refuses to take care of herself. And while she doesnt really want me, shes made it quite clear that she will not let me go.

Most of the time I am ok with all of this (until she gets mean). But I am a sexual creature, and the best years of my life are disappearing. The sexual frustration is building on me. I've tried talking to her about it, but she claims she is not a ***** and sex is gross.
Dude, are you serious with this post? Really?

Man get into therapy, learn where she put your balls, and file for divorce, yesterday, Please...
 

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She also doesn't like cooking or cleaning. She is constantly depressed and refuses to take care of herself.
Depression can bring on poor hygiene and allowing ones surroundings left unattended. What is your W doing for her depression?
 

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I’ve learned to get tough and talk back and let it be known what I expect. My situation doesn’t seem as dire as yours. Took me walking out to finally get her attention, that’s another story. Sounds like you wife may have some emotional problems. She needs to get into counseling and so do you. Lay it down, she does something or you and the kids leave, if even for a few days. A dysfunctional marriage and a toxic environment is no place for the kids. I grew up in a house like that. I always knew something was different but never figured out how bad it was until this past year. I hope it works out for you the kids and her. She can’t be happy like that, I hope she’ll get some help.
 

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Hi-

I'm 33. My marriage has been extremely troubled and neared divorce many times. My wife has left me at least seven times.
I've always been trying to be a good man and fulfill my duties, though I am very unhappy with my marriage.

I'm 6'4, muscular, and a compassionate man. I have a lot of passion and consider myself kind. I've always been a good provider. I have never asked for much, and I'm used to not being well cared for in my marriage. But when she gets mean, that's when things get rough. Unfortunately I hate conflict and she can generally cow me into submission so I dont stand a chance winning any arguments.

I feel trapped in my marriage because of the children. Also because I don't want to hurt her or diminish her quality or life. After 10 years and a near divorce she finally began work, but doesnt want to. She also doesn't like cooking or cleaning. She is constantly depressed and refuses to take care of herself. And while she doesnt really want me, shes made it quite clear that she will not let me go.

Most of the time I am ok with all of this (until she gets mean). But I am a sexual creature, and the best years of my life are disappearing. The sexual frustration is building on me. I've tried talking to her about it, but she claims she is not a ***** and sex is gross.

What if she craves a man that is insistent and says exactly what he needs. You will never know till you try. I would not like it at all if my husband started to cow when I raise my voice. I like him when he gives me the disapproval eye and I know I am on or past the line. That, to me, is the man of the house. Even the dog listens to his LOOK of disapproval when it misbehaves.

Try it just once and watch her in shock. Then tell her you want sex tonight to calm yourself down.
 

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Re: Looking for marriage helps

Respect yourself!

Either she agrees to go through extensive marriage counseling/sexual therapy with you, or you agree to seek out a good family attorney to advise you of your marital/property/custodial rights!
 

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You are not trapped at all. You just do not want to do what needs to be done. Your wife is not going to change so divorce her. She will be forced to work eventually and due to her behavior you may get lots of visitation rights for the kid. That is much better than being her doormat for the rest of your life. Not divorcing for the sake of the kids in a very troubled marriage is not the best thing to do. Your kids will learn all they know about love and marriage from what they see in your home. Then they will act that way when they marry. You are not doing them any favors by staying, only setting a bad example of what marriage and love is. These days half of the kids come from divorced parents and they do just fine in life. They get over it in a few months and then it becomes their normal life. Much better than having dysfunctional children due to what they see at home.
 

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I tried to count the number of times you said I, me, or my but kept losing count. Maybe that is allowed at a thread beginning.

Ten years of misery is a long time. We would need more facts, details. Kudos for asking for help--I don't think that was easy for you. I imagine if you knew how to be different, you would try to be. Are you ready to make the life changes in yourself that will be recommended? You can't change the wife.

For a start: Kid's details. Describe 'mean.' Reasons for wife leaving--other men or women? wants freedom? she too feels trapped?????
 
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