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Hi and thanks for taking the time to read my post.

I am in need of some help and support in communicating with my wife. I feel like i am a good communicator and a good listener, and supportive of her. Actually I feel like I am doing all the work. Wait on her hand and foot. She has never cooked me a meal and barely helps around the house. I have told her that i don't mind doing most of the cooking, but I told her several times i don't want to do all of it.... nothing. I guess the thing i really need help with is communication. I have tried to have discussions with her civil ones, and every time i even slightly disagree with her she gets very defensive. And say's something like, " Oh I am just, the stupid one0, (talking about herself). I calmly tell here I don't think she is stupid, I just disagree. Sometimes she storms off, sometimes she cry's, but i feel she is never allowing me to disagree with here or have an honest positive discussion about things. I am getting frustrated, I want a partnership, but the mellow drama is my cryptonite i guess. Please help with your strategies and support. Oh yeah and when I am taking care of my wife slash waiting on here, all the time she acts like it's expected and is not appreciative at all, rarely says please, thank you this is unacceptable behavior. what do I do.... :confused:
 

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You wait on her hand and foot and she is not appreciative?

"Is this unacceptable behavior?"

Just because you have to ask that question means you're partly the cause here, for not setting up boundaries in your relationship. You're too nice a guy! And, yes you can show love with personal boundaries.

Here's a link, No More Mr. Nice Guy. Take the quiz, see where you stand. Get the book, read it. Tell us what you found.
 

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Before commenting, what's the family situation? Who works outside the house, how many kids, business travel, how long married, etc...?
 

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Before commenting, what's the family situation? Who works outside the house, how many kids, business travel, how long married, etc...?
Thanks for taking the time to ask some questions. Wife works as a substitute teacher. So between 2 and 5 days a week. Which I don't mind supporting her. Fixing her lunch really making sure her day starts as easily as possible, no problem. I stay home with our 4 month old son for now. No problem happy do it. We have been married a year and a half. We are new at this. I guess the cooking thing is sort of a one symptom of this larger communication problem. On a positive note we got a large dry erase calender so we can write down a schedule and I have put down some free time for me. I wish I didn't have to beg for free time, but this is the only non confrontational, (mellow drama ensuing) way I could think of. So willing to try stuff here.
 

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You wait on her hand and foot and she is not appreciative?

"Is this unacceptable behavior?"

Just because you have to ask that question means you're partly the cause here, for not setting up boundaries in your relationship. You're too nice a guy! And, yes you can show love with personal boundaries.

Here's a link, No More Mr. Nice Guy. Take the quiz, see where you stand. Get the book, read it. Tell us what you found.
Yes I kinda knew i was to nice, I will look into it thanks.
 

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I am in need of some help and support in communicating with my wife. I feel like i am a good communicator and a good listener, and supportive of her. Actually I feel like I am doing all the work. Wait on her hand and foot. She has never cooked me a meal and barely helps around the house. I have told her that i don't mind doing most of the cooking, but I told her several times i don't want to do all of it.... nothing. I guess the thing i really need help with is communication. I have tried to have discussions with her civil ones, and every time i even slightly disagree with her she gets very defensive. And say's something like, " Oh I am just, the stupid one0, (talking about herself). I calmly tell here I don't think she is stupid, I just disagree. Sometimes she storms off, sometimes she cry's, but i feel she is never allowing me to disagree with here or have an honest positive discussion about things. I am getting frustrated, I want a partnership, but the mellow drama is my cryptonite i guess. Please help with your strategies and support. Oh yeah and when I am taking care of my wife slash waiting on here, all the time she acts like it's expected and is not appreciative at all, rarely says please, thank you this is unacceptable behavior. what do I do.... :confused:
In my humble opinion, you are giving your wife far too much power over your internal state. If you feel you are doing too much, do less. If you don't like what she says, don't talk to her (one of the big advantages in being a man). Don't let yourself feel bad if she calls herself stupid. Become a man of few words and let your actions speak for you.
 

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Thanks for taking the time to ask some questions. Wife works as a substitute teacher. So between 2 and 5 days a week. Which I don't mind supporting her. Fixing her lunch really making sure her day starts as easily as possible, no problem. I stay home with our 4 month old son for now.
Impossible. There is no way financially this is true.
 

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Impossible. There is no way financially this is true.
To make a long story short... we were living in Overseas in china Teaching making good money. When we got pregnant. Tried to stay there for steady jobs. But the healthcare system is appealing there. Go figure. We Hightailed it home, and are on welfare/food stamps, trying to get back on our feet. So you are right it is not financially possible to live on one substitute teachers pay.
 

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In my humble opinion, you are giving your wife far too much power over your internal state. If you feel you are doing too much, do less. If you don't like what she says, don't talk to her (one of the big advantages in being a man). Don't let yourself feel bad if she calls herself stupid. Become a man of few words and let your actions speak for you.
Thank you for the advise. I do try to laugh off her games as that, not let it effect me, But I would much rather communicate if that's possible.
 

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But I would much rather communicate if that's possible.
This indicates that you are probably the more mature one in your relationship which is a good thing. The way I do it is that I work out what I want to say in advance. I go over it in my head, think about it, sometimes even write it down, but I know exactly what I want to say. When the time is right, I say what I need to say and whatever she says or does, I don't let it affect me and I don't get mad at her accusations and projections and I don't bring anything else up or elaborate on my message, I just leave it for what it is
 

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To make a long story short... we were living in Overseas in china Teaching making good money. When we got pregnant. Tried to stay there for steady jobs. But the healthcare system is appealing there. Go figure. We Hightailed it home, and are on welfare/food stamps, trying to get back on our feet. So you are right it is not financially possible to live on one substitute teachers pay.
I know times are tough in the job market especially for teachers. Do you have a US teaching degree & teaching credential? Are you looking for a job?

Do you think your wife is angry because you are not working?
 
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