Hi!
I'm Silo. I've been married 9 years this November and have been with the same man for over 12 years. I'm working towards my computer science degree while currently working in a software related field.
The reason I joined is because I've recently hit a pretty big speed bump in my marriage, and I'm hoping to find someone who has had a similar experience to see how they handled it.
My husband and I met in college and married 3 years later. We were each other's "firsts" and we never really dated anyone else before each other. We don't really argue, and when we do we are quick to make up and forgive each other. We spent the past 12 years as each other's best friends and closest companion.
Recently (like the past week) my husband informed me that he feels that he needs to experience what it's like to date someone else. Because we never dated others before we married, he feels this is an experience he may regret having, and would like to pursue it to see where it goes. We've talked at length about it and have been completely open and honest with each other. He has told me he still loves and is in love with me, but this is a curiosity that has been nagging at him, and he is worried if he doesn't pursue it, he may come to resent me or our marriage in the future. He insists that it's not a problem with us, and there's nothing about me that has caused this. He does not want to separate or divorce, and is hoping that this will satisfy his curiosity so that he can appreciate what we have even more. He also encouraged me to try this, as he feels it would benefit me as well.
This came as a pretty big hit to me and I've been struggling with it emotionally. I am not nor have I ever desired to be with anyone other than my husband romantically.
It doesn't help that he admitted (long before this), that he was attracted to one of his female friends. She is also a friend of mine and I trust them both not to do anything with each other unless I'm okay with it, but it still causes a monstrous wave of jealousy for me when it seems like he's more excited to talk to and be around her than me. I've told him this as well.
He's been very regretful and has apologized for the upset that he has caused with this, but his desire to go through with this is still there. We have discussed what this would look like, and he describes it as 'casual' - meaning he does not intend to go looking for a girlfriend. Still, that's not a guarantee that he won't want one if he connects romantically with someone else in this experiment.
Intellectually I can understand his desire to do this and can even see some logic in it, but emotionally I'm floored and the mere thought of it devastates me.
We have discussed counseling, but because he doesn't believe there is really a problem with our marriage, he didn't really think there would be much benefit to us there.
A bit heavy for an introduction - but I couldn't post in other forums yet - it said I didn't have the privileges. I'm hoping there may be someone here who has gone through something similar who can offer advice or tell me how they handled their situation. Any ideas at this point would be great.
I'm Silo. I've been married 9 years this November and have been with the same man for over 12 years. I'm working towards my computer science degree while currently working in a software related field.
The reason I joined is because I've recently hit a pretty big speed bump in my marriage, and I'm hoping to find someone who has had a similar experience to see how they handled it.
My husband and I met in college and married 3 years later. We were each other's "firsts" and we never really dated anyone else before each other. We don't really argue, and when we do we are quick to make up and forgive each other. We spent the past 12 years as each other's best friends and closest companion.
Recently (like the past week) my husband informed me that he feels that he needs to experience what it's like to date someone else. Because we never dated others before we married, he feels this is an experience he may regret having, and would like to pursue it to see where it goes. We've talked at length about it and have been completely open and honest with each other. He has told me he still loves and is in love with me, but this is a curiosity that has been nagging at him, and he is worried if he doesn't pursue it, he may come to resent me or our marriage in the future. He insists that it's not a problem with us, and there's nothing about me that has caused this. He does not want to separate or divorce, and is hoping that this will satisfy his curiosity so that he can appreciate what we have even more. He also encouraged me to try this, as he feels it would benefit me as well.
This came as a pretty big hit to me and I've been struggling with it emotionally. I am not nor have I ever desired to be with anyone other than my husband romantically.
It doesn't help that he admitted (long before this), that he was attracted to one of his female friends. She is also a friend of mine and I trust them both not to do anything with each other unless I'm okay with it, but it still causes a monstrous wave of jealousy for me when it seems like he's more excited to talk to and be around her than me. I've told him this as well.
He's been very regretful and has apologized for the upset that he has caused with this, but his desire to go through with this is still there. We have discussed what this would look like, and he describes it as 'casual' - meaning he does not intend to go looking for a girlfriend. Still, that's not a guarantee that he won't want one if he connects romantically with someone else in this experiment.
Intellectually I can understand his desire to do this and can even see some logic in it, but emotionally I'm floored and the mere thought of it devastates me.
We have discussed counseling, but because he doesn't believe there is really a problem with our marriage, he didn't really think there would be much benefit to us there.
A bit heavy for an introduction - but I couldn't post in other forums yet - it said I didn't have the privileges. I'm hoping there may be someone here who has gone through something similar who can offer advice or tell me how they handled their situation. Any ideas at this point would be great.