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Like others here I suspect that he has already cheated and wants to try and 'justify' what he did, or at the least has another woman he is interested in cheating with. Obviously he doesn't value faithfulness or keeping the vows he made, so what else is there?

Sadly for you, he isn't good husband material and what he is doing and feeling is NOT logical. This idea that men must 'sow their wild oats' before they settle down is nonsense. He is trying to make you believe that once he has done this he will then happily settle down with you again and be faithful, nope. He will want to do it again and again because he has no integrity.

I am sure you are devastated, but PLEASE don't go along with this, you will deeply regret it. Give him the choice, be faithful to you or leave.
Thankfully it sounds as if you are still young and have no children as yet, don't settle for second best with a man who treats you this way and will make your life miserable, never being able to trust him.
 

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Forget the logic, it's not logic that is driving him, it is lust for your common friend. The problem with your logic is that he will never be "satisfied" because sex with the person you LOVE is what makes sex satisfying. Without love, sex is just a moment's pleasure, a physical release, that doesn't satisfy the "chasing" neurons in a man's brain. And because it's not satisfying without love, you always end up chasing something different in a vain attempt to find that elusive satisfaction. I want to try one with bigger tits. I want to try one with smaller tits. I want to try an older one. I want to try a younger one. A professional...a sl*t...a peer...a blonde, a brunette, no wait...a redhead. When all is said and done, vagina's are all the same and that's the problem. LOVE and emotional intimacy is the "glue" that makes 50 years of the same vagina still exciting to rise to the occasion for.

May I also add, you need a heart to heart talk and get him to dump the girl "friends". Married men do not need female "friends". They rarely serve a purpose in that role and 99.99999% of the time a man has a female "friend" it is because he sees her as "potential". Guys are just wired that way. Trust me.
 

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Silo, 40 years ago, I told my husband that if I ever caught him cheating, I would disappear and he would never see me again. It is that black and white. He recently told me that the main reason he never took advantage of the many opportunities he's had to cheat is because of that one comment.

You simply have to know what you will and won't accept. And you have to be able to let him go if he feels he needs more. Period. YOU have value and if he no longer sees that value cos he takes you for granted, well, then he loses you. It's not a great situation, but it's the only one that will give you self respect in the long run. Plus, being that firm will help him learn to respect you again.
 

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Forget the logic, it's not logic that is driving him, it is lust for your common friend. The problem with your logic is that he will never be "satisfied" because sex with the person you LOVE is what makes sex satisfying. Without love, sex is just a moment's pleasure, a physical release, that doesn't satisfy the "chasing" neurons in a man's brain. And because it's not satisfying without love, you always end up chasing something different in a vain attempt to find that elusive satisfaction. I want to try one with bigger tits. I want to try one with smaller tits. I want to try an older one. I want to try a younger one. A professional...a sl*t...a peer...a blonde, a brunette, no wait...a redhead. When all is said and done, vagina's are all the same and that's the problem. LOVE and emotional intimacy is the "glue" that makes 50 years of the same vagina still exciting to rise to the occasion for.

May I also add, you need a heart to heart talk and get him to dump the girl "friends". Married men do not need female "friends". They rarely serve a purpose in that role and 99.99999% of the time a man has a female "friend" it is because he sees her as "potential". Guys are just wired that way. Trust me.
Well said.
 

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Why aren't you telling him NO?!!

He married you! Those are VOWS he should be taking seriously!

He's manipulating you so he can cheat - don't agree to that!!!!

If that's what he wants - divorce him first. He can cheat after the divorce is set to finalize.

I think he's a douche bag! Stop making it easy for him to be a jerk to you.
 

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Welcome Silo

I understand your husband's feelings as I have also felt them during my marriage. But in my case there was no other person that I was attracted to and there never has been.

So in your husbands case which came first? The idea of exploring or the attraction to your friend?

Like has been said, if he was told that your friend was not to be part of his exploring, would he still want to open the marriage?

I don't think he is being disrespectful by talking to you about his feelings and urges, as you are his wife and shouldn't be kept in the dark.
He is disrespectful if he tries to act on those urges or push you to agree to this when you don't want to.

You won't find many people on here in an open marriage but you will find many who have been cheated on. The advice will reflect that.

Basically if you are not happy, you need to tell him clearly and loudly that it's a firm no from you. Yes he might be resentful for awhile.

Your feelings matter, as do his. Neither of you are wrong for having feelings or urges and many couples do explore (swinging, BDSM, poly) but if it's just permission to cheat then that's something else.

Stay strong

Eve
 

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Silo,


Just the fact that he would even*suggest* this,means you shouldn't be married to him anymore.

What a song and dance he's putting on. He doesn't care enough about you to want to remain faithful; and to give you a further slap in the face, he wants to fook your "friend". Are you sure she's your friend?

And, as stated upthread, men and women shouldn't have "friends" of the opposite sex after marriage. The exception is if they are friends to *both* of you; or, obviously, a family member. I know that sounds archaic; but there is so much truth in it.

I couldn't stay with someone who requested this of me. I don't think there's anything to discuss. He wants to screw around; and then if he's not getting all the action that he thought he would; he wants you to still be there to provide him with a soft landing.
 

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When you choose one thing, you give up others. No-one gets everything they want.

I’m my husband’s first and only partner. I have no doubt he would probably like to have had more experiences, but he could have chosen that instead of marrying me.

Why should he resent you/your marriage for his free choice? He’s really reaching for justification here.

Plenty of people have successful non-monogamous relationships. Plenty crash and burn, as do monogamous ones. I don’t think a non-monogamous relationship is inherently flawed if it’s what both people want. But you don’t, so.

If you don’t want to live in that kind of marriage, you say no. That being said, it sounds like your husband’s decided that will be a problem for him. I think he’s a shortsighted idiot for considering throwing away a good, long term relationship for the possibility of casual dating, but people are often stupid.


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