It may be nothing at all, just two friends catching up but the fact that he is more concerned with how it will look to her if he cuts contact, rather than your feelings being hurt by the continued contact, is the problem. If you’re an otherwise rational thinker and not jealous, he should stop contacting her. It’s not hard to put one’s marriage first. It’s only hard if you don’t want to.
Looking for Advice!
I have been married for 7 years now. My husband is overall wonderful. Full of affection, sweet, attentive, and caring, however, about 2 years ago something happened that I have been unable to shake off. I was using his phone to contact a potential landlord of an apartment we were trying to get and saw he had a picture (not a sexual one) in his phone of a girl we knew in another state (we lived elsewhere for 3 years then moved back home). She was a college classmate and now does the same profession as him (in diff states) to they still talk casually about their jobs. As far as I know she never knew this and she has nothing to do with it. I'm almost positive. The fact he still talks to her feels very hurtful and he is aware of that. He thinks if he randomly stops talking to her it'll seem weird and technically she had nothing to do with the fact he finds her attractive. I can't get over feeling hurt though. It's clear he's attracted to her.
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Not saying he'd think about having an affair, but this is how they all start. They don't happen overnight. It's interesting that he felt the need to tell you that he finds her attractive. Regardless of his ''reasons,'' the fact that you are unsettled by it, and he is more concerned with how it will look to his ''friend'' if he cuts off contact, would tell me that his priorities are a bit off.thank you for that input! His response when I asked about the picture was he finds her attractive but that's it. So I am concerned with this continued friendship even though it's casual.
It's not the end of the world, but it isn't ''nothing,'' either.
I can understand OP not wanting to 'nag' your husband, and I'd recommend not doing that. But, have your own boundaries. At the end of the day, you can only control what you will tolerate in your marriage. You can't control your husband, so if he does cross over into seeing her, having lunch, etc...and still tells you ''it's nothing,'' then, you have to start making decisions about what you'll accept. I'd just observe but keep your own boundaries solid.
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