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Exactly ^^^^
What in the heck are you thinking and why aren’t you moving on and dating other, more trustworthy women, without children that were created by cheating on you?

You got the courage to meet up with her? Your thoughts are bass ackward. You should have the self awareness and dignity to avoid your ex and never again by fooled by the same con man(woman).

Why are haven’t you moved on. She has another man’s baby for goodness sake.
 

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Have you had trouble meeting other women? Do you feel like your ex wife is the best you can do? I think you need to broaden your horizons. You are at most the 3rd choice for this woman. She chose this other man over you, she's probably been trying to find someone else, and, finally, when all her options are exhausted, she comes back to you.

You are basically the crud on the bottom of her shoe. She doesn't want it, but she has no other choice. Don't be that. Move on and find someone that wants you.
 

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You really want her OM’s child and her OM in your life permanently?

Drop the hopium pipe and forge your own life.
this is a little harsh, but truthful. not sure i would want to sign up to raise some other guy's child....and take on the hassle of him showing up un-announced to p.o. the mom.

i guess it IS theoretically possible she now realizes what a great guy you were, and wants that back again. and in that realizations, is now willing to work at it...hard, to win you over. so if you are really still smitten with her, date her. what is the rush? see if it works out for a couple years...

if as others have suggested she only wants you to help raise the kid...that will become very apparent over even the first couple of months.
 

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Discussion Starter · #66 ·
Thank you talker67. I think I have to explore this as I'm a strong believer that people can change and people do deserve second chances.

I've decided to reach out and contact her via message but am struggling with words..!

Am I wasting my time ? Most likely..very strange for her to not reach out but then again the same applies to me. I could have contacted her.

At least if I don't get a response I know where I stand and I can officially close that chapter in my life.. life is to short to dwell on the past !
 

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Thank you talker67. I think I have to explore this as I'm a strong believer that people can change and people do deserve second chances.

I've decided to reach out and contact her via message but am struggling with words..!

Am I wasting my time ? Most likely..very strange for her to not reach out but then again the same applies to me. I could have contacted her.

At least if I don't get a response I know where I stand and I can officially close that chapter in my life.. life is to short to dwell on the past !
I will help you. YES you ARE wasting your time. And we only get so much of that on this planet. Only so many trips around the sun. You already wasted nearly a decade on a serial cheater, so now you are willingly wasting some more???!!!

If you read through the threads on this site, you will see that wayward people changing into faithful spouses are so rare as to be nearly non-existent. Most of those threads are from people just like you wondering why oh why did he/she do this to me AGAIN.

You strongly believing people can change doesn't make it so. If it were, there wouldn't be all of those addicted to drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and sex over lifetimes. With loved ones constantly trying to help them "change" to no avail. It is called codependency. People usually can't and don't change absent an epiphany, and turning to a power higher than themselves.

Your own continued pursuit of a woman who betrayed you years ago is proof that people don't actually change. You are willingly devoting time to a person who obviously cared nothing for you except for the refuge from the cruel world that you represent. Your being happy as her third or fourth option proves you willingly present yourself again to be victimized.

With all of the potential females in your country, the only one you are interested in is the ONE who is obviously looking for a baby sitter and father figure for her kid. Meanwhile doing OM as often as he is willing.

You can only do you, we are prisoners of our own actions. Like a horse breaking away from rescuers to run back into the burning barn.
 

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Discussion Starter · #71 ·
So I decided to reach out and sent this message:

"I want you to know that for the past 6 days I have not stopped thinking about you !! every minute of every day you're on my mind.

I'm an idiot with good intentions who hoped you would contact me when you were ready.

Just know that I miss having you in my life."

Let's see if she responds ! If she doesn't then I know where I stand..

It took me alot to let her back into my life..so she certainly won't get the opportunity again in the future if it doesn't work out this time.

Thanks again for all of your comments
 

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Dude: I can't figure it out??? either you are of of those pathetic men we read about, or you're too slow in the uptake, or both to really be able to comprehend. Whichever, the bottom line is that you're at the bottom of the pecking order. No wonder why your desperation to fall on the sword again. How desperately sad.
 

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Let's see if she responds ! If she doesn't then I know where I stand.
Are you kidding? WHEN SHE CHEATED WHILE MARRIED TO YOU is when you should have known where you stand!!!
If you didn't get that then, obviously nothing will make it clear to you.

It took me alot to let her back into my life..so she certainly won't get the opportunity again in the future if it doesn't work out this time.
When YOUR MARRIAGE didn't work out the last time is what should have stopped you from giving her any opportunity with you again...but it didn't. So all your fake-tough words aren't convincing anyone that you have any sense of self-respect or boundaries, or the courage to maintain them. They certainly aren't convincing HER that you are a strong man in any way.

All your message to her did was broadcast clearly that you are ready, willing, and able to be a doormat for her and to allow her to take advantage of you in any way she wants.
 

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Warning incoming loving 2x4.

OP,
You sound really needy and co-dependant. That message to me was cringe in your situation.
My advice to you would be to work on your self-security and dump your ego. I recommend you go to IC. And find out why you feel your abuser
should have this spot in your soul. you're showing some signs of a trauma victim. IF you can work out why. And you can protect yourself then go for it. IF not you are doomed to repeat your mistakes over and over even if not with her. You will pick the same type of person with the same type of traits. This will mean your history will repeat itself. I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon to say you're wrong. I am going to point out that I have worked with and witnessed couples with abuse and horrendous acts that lacked humanity and made it work. But that required both partners with a lot of skin in the game to put the work in to fix it.
That doesn't sound like that's the case here.

I will point out. The reason she hasn't texted you is that you validated her ego, and subconsciously she knows you are needy. Even more so now that you haven't given her time to process and get back on her own terms. You're forcing it, and that makes it unnatural.

Rather than a relationship that makes you feel better. Have a real relationship with her or anyone else that you know you are loved.

My 2 cents.
 

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she is looking for an alpha male and you are not. you should slept with her and left her to do all the work. you should have NOT said all these nice words to her. she is a cheater and I guarantee she is still sleeping with other man. hint about mirror, means he enters her house, they talk about house stuff, and for sure he still sleep with her.
 

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Warning incoming loving 2x4.

OP,
You sound really needy and co-dependant. That message to me was cringe in your situation.
My advice to you would be to work on your self-security and dump your ego. I recommend you go to IC. And find out why you feel your abuser
should have this spot in your soul. you're showing some signs of a trauma victim. IF you can work out why. And you can protect yourself then go for it. IF not you are doomed to repeat your mistakes over and over even if not with her. You will pick the same type of person with the same type of traits. This will mean your history will repeat itself. I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon to say you're wrong. I am going to point out that I have worked with and witnessed couples with abuse and horrendous acts that lacked humanity and made it work. But that required both partners with a lot of skin in the game to put the work in to fix it.
That doesn't sound like that's the case here.

I will point out. The reason she hasn't texted you is that you validated her ego, and subconsciously she knows you are needy. Even more so now that you haven't given her time to process and get back on her own terms. You're forcing it, and that makes it unnatural.

Rather than a relationship that makes you feel better. Have a real relationship with her or anyone else that you know you are loved.

My 2 cents.
He's at an age where he has choices, he's wants familiarity.
 

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So I decided to reach out and sent this message:

"I want you to know that for the past 6 days I have not stopped thinking about you !! every minute of every day you're on my mind.

I'm an idiot with good intentions who hoped you would contact me when you were ready.

Just know that I miss having you in my life."

Let's see if she responds ! If she doesn't then I know where I stand..

It took me alot to let her back into my life..so she certainly won't get the opportunity again in the future if it doesn't work out this time.

Thanks again for all of your comments
You are free to do as you choose, but I suggest you go back and re-read you first post on TAM.

A recap...
She denied you sex for months while having an affair.
She got pregnant from a co-worker 20+ years her senior, after you and her failed to get pregnant after 2 years of trying.
She is a liar extraordinaire, putting red dye in pads to make you think she had her period while she was pregnant.
Once you found out she threw it in your face by putting on stretch mark oil for you to see.
Changed the locks on your house and moved in her POSOM.

Now 3 years later she phones you up for a booty call and you oblige, then basically tell her here that you are in love with her. This is harsh, but you are the best door mat I've ever seen here. How can you allow yourself to be treated like this? Have you had any other relationships since your divorce? For that matter, have you had any long term relationships other than your ExW?
 
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