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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was with my ex for 9 years and married for 3 until I found out she had an affair and fell pregnant with his child.

I divorced her 3 years ago now and went through so many dark days to overcome the hurt and rejection I felt.

She reached out back in Janurary this year but I ignored her. Eventually In March I took the courage to meet up with her.

We have spent quite a bit of time together and I have also on many times spent time with her child from the affair that broke our marriage.

She has asked that we take things slow for the sake of her child as she feels she doesn't want to introduce a new guy to her child if I then decided not to be a part of her life.

She has said I am and always have been the one for her.. she would message me daily !!

Long story short we slept together for the first time since our breakup Wednesday evening when she asked me to stay the night. The night itself was great..plenty of laughing and we genuinely enjoyed each others company.

I left the next morning and when I got home I texted to say I enjoyed spending time with her and said thanks for inviting me over. She replied with I really enjoyed spending time with you also and thanks for coming over.

I haven't messaged her since !! I think because I didn't want to look too keen or look needy. I was hoping she would message me but she hasn't for 3 days now.

She seemed a little tentative in bed and even said sorry but I haven't been this close with anyone in 18 months.

Should I cut my losses ? Is she still into the kids dad ? Anyone else had any experience of relationships like this ?

Any views would be greatly appreciated !
 

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I was with my ex for 9 years and married for 3 until I found out she had an affair and fell pregnant with his child.

I divorced her 3 years ago now and went through so many dark days to overcome the hurt and rejection I felt.

She reached out back in Janurary this year but I ignored her. Eventually In March I took the courage to meet up with her.

We have spent quite a bit of time together and I have also on many times spent time with her child from the affair that broke our marriage.

She has asked that we take things slow for the sake of her child as she feels she doesn't want to introduce a new guy to her child if I then decided not to be a part of her life.

She has said I am and always have been the one for her.. she would message me daily !!

Long story short we slept together for the first time since our breakup Wednesday evening when she asked me to stay the night. The night itself was great..plenty of laughing and we genuinely enjoyed each others company.

I left the next morning and when I got home I texted to say I enjoyed spending time with her and said thanks for inviting me over. She replied with I really enjoyed spending time with you also and thanks for coming over.

I haven't messaged her since !! I think because I didn't want to look too keen or look needy. I was hoping she would message me but she hasn't for 3 days now.

She seemed a little tentative in bed and even said sorry but I haven't been this close with anyone in 18 months.

Should I cut my losses ? Is she still into the kids dad ? Anyone else had any experience of relationships like this ?

Any views would be greatly appreciated !
She's a mother, so that's going to impact her availability to you.

You'll have to ask her and weigh whether or not she can be faithful to you and if you've grown enough since then to be able to keep her interested and not wandering.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
The father pays maintenance and has the child once a week..

He sometimes randomly turns up at her place to see his child which I know frustrates her.

I'm just not sure why she hasn't contacted me since..very unusual considering she would message me daily.
 

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The father pays maintenance and has the child once a week..

He sometimes randomly turns up at her place to see his child which I know frustrates her.

I'm just not sure why she hasn't contacted me since..very unusual considering she would message me daily.
Only she can know. Ask her to meet for coffee when she's free. That will allow you to gauge her level of interest.
She may have only wanted a one-off safe sexual encounter.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I think you're right..or she's still into the child's father.

I do wonder whether I should just not contact her. But then again maybe she is waiting for me to contact her
 

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You live in the UK, population around sixty seven million people with slightly over half the population female.
Are you really interested in having a relationship with the one woman in the country who married you and then had another mans child? And she has him “calling round” whenever he feels like it.
Has this woman got a golden vagina or something because you seem to be on tenterhooks waiting for her to call.
I think you need your head examined buddy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thank you for all of your replies!

So we would talk daily..

Since the night we spent together I messaged her and she did reply but I just havnt messaged her since.

I figured I would give her some space considering she did say she wanted to take things slowly.

I was in such a good place and I genuinely felt happy..the last few days my mind has been going crazy..
 

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Thank you for all of your replies!

So we would talk daily..

Since the night we spent together I messaged her and she did reply but I just havnt messaged her since.

I figured I would give her some space considering she did say she wanted to take things slowly.

I was in such a good place and I genuinely felt happy..the last few days my mind has been going crazy..
If she wants you, she will text you. She owes you a text.
If she doesn't text you back, that will tell you what you need to know.
 

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Thank you for all of your replies!

So we would talk daily..

Since the night we spent together I messaged her and she did reply but I just havnt messaged her since.

I figured I would give her some space considering she did say she wanted to take things slowly.

I was in such a good place and I genuinely felt happy..the last few days my mind has been going crazy..
So you are ok with her having regular contact with the other cheater? Bringing up his child? Risking going through those terrible times again?
To me you seem very naive and over trusting.
 

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The father pays maintenance and has the child once a week..

He sometimes randomly turns up at her place to see his child which I know frustrates her.

I'm just not sure why she hasn't contacted me since..very unusual considering she would message me daily.
If she had any sense, she would have insisted that he has 50/50 custody but that's providing that a child is no longer nursing. That leaves her a life and a way to make a living. My guess is she so tied down with a small child now that she needs a man child support and that may be the only reason she's trying to get back with you.

How old was she when you two started being exclusive and how old was she when she cheated? I ask because I know trying to be with someone when you're too young often fails because your brain is not even fully developed yet so you have a lot of changing and exploring to do.

So I'm just going to say if you've been together since you were teens or early 20s, I would expect chaos or breakup.

But either way, you need to be careful of her motives here. She can't be in a very good position financially if she's taking care of a young child basically by herself. And you already know she will cheat. Now I do believe young people who get tied down early are more likely to cheat. It doesn't mean they always will, but I would say in this case it's a pretty fair chance and and got other options, I don't know why you'd want to take a chance on her.
 

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@Charlie18! let's not waste lots of time here...

You need to give your head a good wobble here and realise that responding to her was a massive mistake. She is an ex for a very good reason - she betrayed you and had another man's child.

Take the opportunity now to wrap up this dalliance in the past and shut it down. Move on and find a woman who deserves you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
So we were both 30 when she did cheat..and she is now living in her own place and is financially stable as she works full time and earns a really good living.

I get she wanted to take things slow and I was happy to do that..but inviting me to stay the night and sleeping with me has suggested she is serious about giving this a go.

I just wonder whether me not contacting her is making her think I'm not interested..

Many of you has suggested I shouldn't go there and should move on so I think I really need to give that some thought !
 
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