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She did tell me his son recently died and her explanation for some of the days texting him while she was at work was to get info on food/drink as her work held a condolence type party (not the best word).

The job thing throws me off and I won't know unless I talk to the manager/owner. She's worked there for four months and hit a raise each month for the first three months and got the promo on the 4th month. She left her original career (which was much faster paced) and was doing this job while studying to go into a different field. When she quit, they gave her options to go back to the original position before the promo or to just work part-time. They also told her to basically come back whenever she wants and they will hire her back. She's been at the same level of stress at other jobs and has not quit so abruptly. And she didn't give a two week notice. Called me, said I want to quit and then quit.
For peace of mind I really suggest a polygraph. I would also tell your wife she shouldn't delete any text message anymore until you have seen them. A trust has been breached and I think it is appropriate
 

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For peace of mind I really suggest a polygraph. I would also tell your wife she shouldn't delete any text message anymore until you have seen them. A trust has been breached and I think it is appropriate
With these questions or similar:-
1) Since marriage have you ever passionately kissed a person other than your husband?
2) Since marriage have you ever had sexual contact with a person other than your husband?
3) Since marriage have you ever had sexual intercourse with a person other than your husband?
4) Since marriage have you ever had sexual contact or sexual intercourse with (named individual)?
 

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I too am not satisfied with the reason for quitting. There is definitely more to that resignation. Also his wife texting OM first thing on Saturday morning rings so much of a love struck teenager. She was completely giddy over this guy. I really doubt this was only an EA. This thing got physical. It doubt it got to the sex but think at the very least making out and heavy petting took place.

This reminds me of a thread on SI that a WW was going out with a coworker that was from another office. The BH found out they went to lunch alone a couple of times. The wife lied that other coworkers were there but later admitted it was just the 2 of them. Further later she admitted to making out. Then when talking about a poly, she admitted he got to “2nd base”. After the poly it turned out it was more, but not sex. The BH didn’t specify but I’m sure it was a BJ. The whole affair took about 2 weeks. Yep, a married mother of 2 got busy with a coworker she knew in person for only 2 weeks.

I bring this all up to let you know that it does happen that quickly. We get so many BHs who come here talking about how shy, body conscious, conservative, religious, low sex drive etc, etc their wife is but it later comes out, their gut was right. WW are often the initiators of taking the affair to the next level. They also are very wanton for their OM. The wife that rarely gives a BJ and turns the husband down for certain sexual acts is enthusiastically performing those for the OM.
Once again, I suspect that your wife didn’t get to that level yet but there’s no denying the trajectory this thing was heading in.
Quitting a job.

Normally a couple talk about it some before hand. I'm not happy in this job, I think I want to quit. The other spouse: Sure honey, we can get by for a while on my salary, or, we cannot afford for you to quit....etc.

It is also suspicious that she just instantly quit with no warning, no heads up, totally out of the blue. Unless she had mentioned it before and just skimmed past that detail.
 

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She did tell me his son recently died and her explanation for some of the days texting him while she was at work was to get info on food/drink as her work held a condolence type party (not the best word).

The job thing throws me off and I won't know unless I talk to the manager/owner. She's worked there for four months and hit a raise each month for the first three months and got the promo on the 4th month. She left her original career (which was much faster paced) and was doing this job while studying to go into a different field. When she quit, they gave her options to go back to the original position before the promo or to just work part-time. They also told her to basically come back whenever she wants and they will hire her back. She's been at the same level of stress at other jobs and has not quit so abruptly. And she didn't give a two week notice. Called me, said I want to quit and then quit.
Parts of this story is reasonable, but the overall look is bad. I personally am close with a male coworker and we talk frequently. If his son were to pass, I would feel the urge to be supportive.

However, her quitting the job and never mentioning him to you is weird. She was secretive and there’s a reason why. I can’t get over the weekend texting in secret! If it’s just regular banter, then there isn’t a reason to delete.
 

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Quitting a job.

Normally a couple talk about it some before hand. I'm not happy in this job, I think I want to quit. The other spouse: Sure honey, we can get by for a while on my salary, or, we cannot afford for you to quit....etc.

It is also suspicious that she just instantly quit with no warning, no heads up, totally out of the blue. Unless she had mentioned it before and just skimmed past that detail.
We did speak about it beforehand. She felt her boss was overbearing and now that she was mgmt, all the blame shifted to her for pre-existing issues. From the moment she got the promo she didn't like it. I make good money and have always said to pursue what she wants to do, whether that's going back to school, trying a new career, starting a business...whatever.

So I had warning. She called me the day of to make sure it was OK (and I told her yes). We've moved around a bit and one thing I've never seen is her not give a two weeks notice which was odd.
 

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So I had warning. She called me the day of to make sure it was OK (and I told her yes). We've moved around a bit and one thing I've never seen is her not give a two weeks notice which was odd.
It makes zero sense for her to have quit her job without notice if she plans on getting another anytime soon. Really doesn't look good on a resume that you are handing to a new prospective employer, that you held your last job for only four months before you up and quit without giving proper notice, and left them high and dry.

I mean, she'd already been there four months. What was another two weeks in the grand scheme of things? Especially if she wanted to apply elsewhere and knew she'd be needing to update her resume. I smell B.S. on her reasoning OP. There's more to this story than she's told you. Dig deeper!
 

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Oh boy. Disabled wife, son just died.

It’s always just a friend or just a co-worker in a crisis or with some sad story and they were the only ones able to help. He really had no-one else to talk to?? Most people don’t get that personal at work, lots of coworkers had tragedies, we got money together and sent them flowers and wrote nice cards. I was never that nice, or caring that I just HAD to text them so frequently and be their biggest supporter.
Also sounds like he’s trying to manipulate OP’s wife with these sob stories. His wife may not even be disabled nor his son actually dead either. Would not be the first time a man pulled stuff like this to get into someone’s pants. I feel like the OP is having sort of sympathy for tbe OM too. My advice is don’t. **** this guy and his issues. Not your problem. Your problem is that he’s either screwing your wife or trying to.
 

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Also sounds like he’s trying to manipulate OP’s wife with these sob stories. His wife may not even be disabled nor his son actually dead either. Would not be the first time a man pulled stuff like this to get into someone’s pants. I feel like the OP is having sort of sympathy for tbe OM too. My advice is don’t. Fk this guy and his issues. Not your problem. Your problem is that he’s either screwing your wife or trying to.
This is why it is critical to recover their text history. Was the OM telling her about his marital woes or other problems causing your wife to feel sorry and come to his rescue? Was she telling him about her marital issues. We’ve had BHs that were completely floored to read of what their WW was saying about them. Accusations of abuse and neglect that were unfounded but were used to get closer to the OM. Men do it too. Mirroring is a great way to foster a bond and ease guilt.

In this case, I suspect that it was your wife that was doing more of the pursuing. And please please get the guy is older out of your head as a reason she wouldn’t be into him. Most women are into older men. Not saying father age difference but 15 years is very common.
 

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It’s likely they will lay low or go underground for the time being. I would be aware of where she’s going and any excuses about getting together with a girlfriend or anything like that. Definitely VAR in the car and anywhere in the house where she normally talks on the phone. Keep checking phone records. If you know the guys name I’d even try texting her from a different phone if you can. Say “hey it’s me (name), I got a new phone. I wanna see you soon” and see if she takes the bait.
 

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No sympathy for him. Fk that, I’m pissed. I’m just laying out what I’ve heard or know about. And age don’t mean a thing - I get that.
Please reach out to his wife. She may be able to boldly confront her husband and demand his phone, which may still have the text history. It seems that BWs pull less punches when they confront. Also, a quick call to her manager may help shed light on what was going on in the work place.

We are all pulling for you. Nothing would please me more than to learn that you’re one of the few false alarms we get but after spending years on TAM, SI and LS you start to see right through the bull. These affairs tend to follow a script. We hear the same excuses. The same trickle truth. We also hear the same excuses from the BHs. Yes , many of them bend themselves into a pretzel in making excuses why it’s impossible that their special snowflake wife would cheat, followed with the BHs digging deep in why they deserved it because they did xyz.
 

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Please reach out to his wife. She may be able to boldly confront her husband and demand his phone, which may still have the text history. It seems that BWs pull less punches when they confront. Also, a quick call to her manager may help shed light on what was going on in the work place.

We are all pulling for you. Nothing would please me more than to learn that you’re one of the few false alarms we get but after spending years on TAM, SI and LS you start to see right through the bull. These affairs tend to follow a script. We hear the same excuses. The same trickle truth. We also hear the same excuses from the BHs. Yes , many of them bend themselves into a pretzel in making excuses why it’s impossible that their special snowflake wife would cheat, followed with the BHs digging deep in why they deserved it because they did xyz.
Especially as he instigated the texts, so he may well target another colleague at work.
 

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Wasn’t his wife texting OM the first thing on Saturday morning? She was texting this guy a lot. It wasn’t just him reaching out to her. This doesn’t seem like only the OM pursuing his wife. This was definitely a two way thing.

Her texting him the first thing Saturday morning screams EA at a bare minimum. That’s the type of stuff people do in a new relationship when you have all those butterflies. I know we tend to always think the wife was being groomed by some unscrupulous OM but the provided evidence just doesn’t support that. Her abruptly quitting also sets off alarms. That last text of having marital problems could have been a lay low warning.
 

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I delete texts from everybody. I don't like a messy phone or computer.
But did she delete everything or just that guys texts? Also I'd bet that dislike of messy carries over to other areas of your life. Like you don't have a clean phone and the rest of your life is a dumpster fire, right.

It's about the overall pattern developing in this guy's case
 

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Wasn’t his wife texting OM the first thing on Saturday morning? She was texting this guy a lot. It wasn’t just him reaching out to her. This doesn’t seem like only the OM pursuing his wife. This was definitely a two way thing.

Her texting him the first thing Saturday morning screams EA at a bare minimum. That’s the type of stuff people do in a new relationship when you have all those butterflies. I know we tend to always think the wife was being groomed by some unscrupulous OM but the provided evidence just doesn’t support that. Her abruptly quitting also sets off alarms. That last text of having marital problems could have been a lay low warning.
Very good last point there. I think the “I’m having marital problems” text was definitely a “my husband has found out” message.
 

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She would have never quit her job and everything else if it wasn’t an affair. She is covering her tracks so you won’t find anything. #1 lie cheaters use “Just a friend”.
 
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