No offense intended DownByTheRiver but the fact that you are not in a relationship is important in the context of this thread. Single people may indeed text, email and chat with whomever they want, whenever they want. People in relationships may do so as well but trust may quite justifiably be eroded.Every time I see someone getting upset because texts or communications deleted I just roll my eyes. I keep all my email and texts totally cleaned up at all times and there's no one I'm hiding it from because I am by myself.
He's banging her, no other possible explanation, if it were all innocent the texts wouldn't have been deleted.been deleted. I've never heard of this guy until I saw the phone bill and confronted her. She normally calls me at lunchtime and on the day before she drove him home, she didn't call me. I matched timestamps and she was texting back and forth with him and then it stopped for 45 minutes (I'm guessing her lunch) and then the texting picked back up (I could really just be reaching here).
Completely different situation,I don’t understand. Your wife has a friend and talks to him often. She can’t have a friend? She can’t give a coworker a ride home? She has to report any change in calling habits to you? She has to keep a record of all calls so you can police them to determine if they’re acceptable? Do you check her clothes and have her correct them if they’re too revealing?
I did a double take when I read that first paragraph too. I was surprised by (the beginnings of) that comment, after having read enough of that member's replies on other posts since joining to have an idea of what I should be seeing. I was thinking perhaps I may be in bizzaro world. Then I got to the next paragraphs and all was right with world once again, haha..oh my bad then. Sorry Evin.
I think there’s certainly a subset of people who delete messages (you being one) to stay organized, but OP’s wife specifically deleting this text thread but not others of a similar age is a red flag IMO. My husband also deletes messages but limits this to inactive threads only. OP’s wife seems to be taking extra steps to hide this conversation.I delete texts from everybody. I don't like a messy phone or computer.
This is kind of the old "Well since this is how I do it.....it is totally ok and above board because I am the litmus test for all things in life" kind of response.Every time I see someone getting upset because texts or communications deleted I just roll my eyes. I keep all my email and texts totally cleaned up at all times and there's no one I'm hiding it from because I am by myself. It's called not being messy and disorganized.
In the past when I was younger and worked I had so many male buddies that would even come over after work and watch TV or something like that. It was before texting. I lived near work and once in awhile a couple would come to my place for lunch. Or we'd go out to lunch.
It was just a circle of friends that I met at work. A couple were married. I had already met the wives because sometimes they would bring them to work related functions or out to a gig.
Texting has just become something that is so easy to do and takes so little time that people seem to think it's perfectly fine to text co-workers after hours. A lot of times they're just hashing over something else that's going on in the office. I wouldn't have liked it if my bosses had started bugging me via text after work, but I wouldn't have minded talking to a couple of coworkers after hours. I even had a couple of salesmen call me at home after hours. It wasn't midnight or anything like that. It was usually shortly after I got home like maybe 7:00 or so.
You blew this way up out of proportion. I don't disagree that she needs to recognize some boundaries to the point where she isn't letting someone monopolize that much of her time with texting. (Edited by author)
Calmly discussing with her and setting some parameters for how often someone from work should be chatting her up in her private time is reasonable enough, but whatever went on between you two made her quit her job and that is just wrong wrong wrong.
You didn't see any sexting or anything. Do you think she's such a chump that if a man talks to her enough, then he'll automatically get in her pants? You know you can't monitor someone enough to keep them from cheating and I don't know what the point would be if you could.
I think the appropriate thing to say to her about a bunch of texting with that guy would just have been to mention that he certainly cutting into your after hours life and just let her know it seemed excessive.
Honestly if she was carrying on a big affair with this guy, there's no way she would have been doing all this right in front of you like she was. At least give her credit for having better sense than that. If she's having an affair with someone that's the last person you would catch her texting with while you're with her
I think you're right, most work environments are fairly strict about married staff fooling around.She accidentally outed herself and then suddenly resigned. I think it's possible that she came on to him at work, which might have shocked him so he reports her to the manager for sexual harassment and she either resigns in a rage because she felt slighted by him or she was asked to resign.
Some comments on your post.Yep, you need to quit worrying about it. He may have crushed on her, but she's not a child and just enjoyed the friendship, I'm sure. It's also possible he didn't crush on her, but knowing guys, he probably did. Still, it's no indication she'd EVER be interested that way, so can't imagine how frustrating it must be for her to think she'd sleep with that unattractive co-employee just because he's talking to her. I doubt very much since he's not attractive at all that there was ever anything sexual that she conveyed to him. And I have to believe it wouldn't have sustained as a friendship if he had been harassing her with sexual innuendo either. Have some faith. Try to enjoy your wife and trust that she has better ethics than to F some convenient guy no matter how unattractive he is.
I bet if he ever took it into that arena, she'd have shut him down pretty quick anyway. He probably was smart enough not to go there. And maybe they did just develop a nice comraderie. Anyway, she's made clear she can live without it, so there you go. Good luck.
She did tell me his son recently died and her explanation for some of the days texting him while she was at work was to get info on food/drink as her work held a condolence type party (not the best word).@sumthin408 I think that perhaps the co-worker was reaching out for someone to talk to. Maybe his wife being disabled is taking a toll on him and he needed the perspective of a female co-worker?
The problem with this type of interaction is that whilst it starts innocently it can turn into something emotional and sexual.
She accidentally outed herself and then suddenly resigned. I think it's possible that she came on to him at work, which might have shocked him so he reports her to the manager for sexual harassment and she either resigns in a rage because she felt slighted by him or she was asked to resign.