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What should I do? Anger and attitude issues are a major problem.

  • Hang in there and sort it out?

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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
HI,
I am very NEW to this. I am 28 years old. Have two beautiful children. I had a successful job for 5 years, but now am a stay at home mother/homemaker. I NEED advice, guidance, maybe a little help with some issues that are popping up in my marriage.

First off, we have been married 6 months. Together for a total of 2 and 1/2 years. Living together now for two years. I have an 8 years old child previously. Together we have a 1 year old.

First Off:He is BAD with Money and will Lie about it.
Second: He has a terrible attitude/temper and can get very defensive.


Ok. I know, super lengthy. Sorry, lol. And as a disclaimer from the get go, My husband has become a much better person than he was. We are young, 27 and 28. Some of his issues have gotten better and he has made progress. I KNEW the person I was marrying would have difficulties. I KNEW he had issues with lying when he was much younger (A LOT of that stems from Daddy issues). I am NOT perfect and neither is he. HE DOES Love me. I am very certain of that. He is a Great Father, especially compared to my 8 years olds biological father (he never wanted anything to do with her or me, once he found out I was pregnant). There are many pluses to my husbands negatives. He has even recently started to help with housework, which he would NEVER do before.

But, there are problems. Issues have come up that are making me consider divorce, and I hate that I am even thinking it. My parents have been married 34 years. They had their struggles and ups and downs. But, they are happier now than ever. I WANT to get to that place. I know it takes work and I am trying.

First Issue:
He will LIE to me about paying a bill, such as a water bill or cable bill. This BAFFLES ME! He also has BIG issues with thinking of the money he earns as belonging to just HIM, rather than his family. I am NOT a greedy gold digger. I DO NOT shop! I buy groceries, I make sure we have what we need at home, the essentials. I make sure the baby and my daughter have what they need. That is all. I WAS paying the bills. BUT his issues with control over the money made me throw my hands in the air and say...it's yours, not mine, just give me grocery money.

I do not know what to do. He will waste his entire paycheck within a few days. And have NOTHING to show for it. He "says" he paid a bill, but "threw out the receipt." That is a LIE. He NEVER throws out a receipt. Plus, payment is NOT showing up on our account. This was supposedly paid last week. He got so pissed off at me for even asking for a receipt, so that I could call the business and have it straigtened out. That is a tell tell sign, he did not pay it.

Second:
He has a terrible attitude/temper and can get very defensive.

If I question, and I mean one question, him on anything I suspect he may have not done completely right. He will get so defensive and so mad. It is getting tough. He will berrate me, say really mean things to me. Say he hates me. How I do not respect him. He will tell me to pack my stuff up and call my parents and move out. He has told me he hated me once. He said it in front of my daughter (My daughter does not like my husband at all). He has told my daughter over the phone I need to leave. He has such a terrible temper. He has never hit me or come at me. He just verbally abuses. NOW, I am NOT saying I am perfect. Believe me, when he starts in on me, I can open up my big fat mouth and make it worse, I know! BUT, there is a difference. I draw a line at the things I say to him. He does not. He literally tears me a part in side and hurts me. I will be in tears and he will stand over me with his arms crossed across his chest telling me how annoying I am being that I am crying. I CANNOT take anymore of this.

With that being said, he does apologize profusely afterwards. I have stayed at my parents twice. I love him. I have envisioned us growing old together. BUT he is so petty about things. I know he has a lot more growing up to do and I am holding in strong, but I no longer feel anything when he apologizes. I do not feel better. Because, I know he will do it again.

He has problems with helping me if I am hurt also. It is like he is afraid of being too sensitive. If I am upset, he will not touch me! And that makes me so much more upset! I had a miscarriage almost two years ago, and he was so mean to me! That was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I would just cry and cry. FINALLY, he got to where he found out I calmed down once he comforted me. But FORGET him ever trying to comfort me when he upsets me. He keep saying how he is "learning" and this is all new to him... Um, buddy it has been 2 and a half years! Plus, I TELL him what makes me feel better! NOW, I am NOT a cryer, I HATE IT. I normally cried, maybe twice a year if that much. But, he has such a way with his words, that he can have me in tears in no time. Then he tells me how stupid and annoying I am being. INstead of just realizing he is the reason I am even being emotional. And Forget him hugging me to make me stop. He will just tell me to shut up, that I will wake the baby or that my daughter will hear. Then he will hound me with questions about what is wrong with me and why am I crying and to CALM DOWN.... I HATE that response!

He can also be very lazy. He will go a month or more without cutting our grass, right now it is up to my shin. I Hate it. I tried cranking the mower the other day, unsuccessfully. lol. It's a push mower. He has said he will cut it tomorrow. But, he also said he would do it last weekend. He has a problem with "follow-through." I no longer take him at his word. He doesn't even understand why! I mean, come on! He barely does what he says he will do. I would say MAYBE 10% of the time he ACTUALLY does what he says he will. Any other time, it's excuse after excuse.


Again, I want to say I am NOT perfect. I make so many mistakes also. I can have a sassy attitude. I can give him the cold shoulder when he is actually trying to be nice. BUT, after all our arguments, and all the horrible stuff he has said to me to put me down. I find it harder and harder to be loving towards him. I think we need marriage counseling for sure. But, this is my first step and looking for a little help and guidance.

I will say this, he does pay for anything my daughter wants, when he has money. He pays for her insurance also. There are plenty of pros to go with the cons. That is why I have held in for so long. But, there has to be a breaking point.

HElP.
 

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HI,
I am very NEW to this. I am 28 years old. Have two beautiful children. I had a successful job for 5 years, but now am a stay at home mother/homemaker. I NEED advice, guidance, maybe a little help with some issues that are popping up in my marriage.

First off, we have been married 6 months. Together for a total of 2 and 1/2 years. Living together now for two years. I have an 8 years old child previously. Together we have a 1 year old.

First Off:He is BAD with Money and will Lie about it.
Second: He has a terrible attitude/temper and can get very defensive.


Ok. I know, super lengthy. Sorry, lol. And as a disclaimer from the get go, My husband has become a much better person than he was. We are young, 27 and 28. Some of his issues have gotten better and he has made progress. I KNEW the person I was marrying would have difficulties. I KNEW he had issues with lying when he was much younger (A LOT of that stems from Daddy issues). I am NOT perfect and neither is he. HE DOES Love me. I am very certain of that. He is a Great Father, especially compared to my 8 years olds biological father (he never wanted anything to do with her or me, once he found out I was pregnant). There are many pluses to my husbands negatives. He has even recently started to help with housework, which he would NEVER do before.

But, there are problems. Issues have come up that are making me consider divorce, and I hate that I am even thinking it. My parents have been married 34 years. They had their struggles and ups and downs. But, they are happier now than ever. I WANT to get to that place. I know it takes work and I am trying.

First Issue:
He will LIE to me about paying a bill, such as a water bill or cable bill. This BAFFLES ME! He also has BIG issues with thinking of the money he earns as belonging to just HIM, rather than his family. I am NOT a greedy gold digger. I DO NOT shop! I buy groceries, I make sure we have what we need at home, the essentials. I make sure the baby and my daughter have what they need. That is all. I WAS paying the bills. BUT his issues with control over the money made me throw my hands in the air and say...it's yours, not mine, just give me grocery money.

I do not know what to do. He will waste his entire paycheck within a few days. And have NOTHING to show for it. He "says" he paid a bill, but "threw out the receipt." That is a LIE. He NEVER throws out a receipt. Plus, payment is NOT showing up on our account. This was supposedly paid last week. He got so pissed off at me for even asking for a receipt, so that I could call the business and have it straigtened out. That is a tell tell sign, he did not pay it.

Second:
He has a terrible attitude/temper and can get very defensive.

If I question, and I mean one question, him on anything I suspect he may have not done completely right. He will get so defensive and so mad. It is getting tough. He will berrate me, say really mean things to me. Say he hates me. How I do not respect him. He will tell me to pack my stuff up and call my parents and move out. He has told me he hated me once. He said it in front of my daughter (My daughter does not like my husband at all). He has told my daughter over the phone I need to leave. He has such a terrible temper. He has never hit me or come at me. He just verbally abuses. NOW, I am NOT saying I am perfect. Believe me, when he starts in on me, I can open up my big fat mouth and make it worse, I know! BUT, there is a difference. I draw a line at the things I say to him. He does not. He literally tears me a part in side and hurts me. I will be in tears and he will stand over me with his arms crossed across his chest telling me how annoying I am being that I am crying. I CANNOT take anymore of this.

With that being said, he does apologize profusely afterwards. I have stayed at my parents twice. I love him. I have envisioned us growing old together. BUT he is so petty about things. I know he has a lot more growing up to do and I am holding in strong, but I no longer feel anything when he apologizes. I do not feel better. Because, I know he will do it again.

He has problems with helping me if I am hurt also. It is like he is afraid of being too sensitive. If I am upset, he will not touch me! And that makes me so much more upset! I had a miscarriage almost two years ago, and he was so mean to me! That was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I would just cry and cry. FINALLY, he got to where he found out I calmed down once he comforted me. But FORGET him ever trying to comfort me when he upsets me. He keep saying how he is "learning" and this is all new to him... Um, buddy it has been 2 and a half years! Plus, I TELL him what makes me feel better! NOW, I am NOT a cryer, I HATE IT. I normally cried, maybe twice a year if that much. But, he has such a way with his words, that he can have me in tears in no time. Then he tells me how stupid and annoying I am being. INstead of just realizing he is the reason I am even being emotional. And Forget him hugging me to make me stop. He will just tell me to shut up, that I will wake the baby or that my daughter will hear. Then he will hound me with questions about what is wrong with me and why am I crying and to CALM DOWN.... I HATE that response!

He can also be very lazy. He will go a month or more without cutting our grass, right now it is up to my shin. I Hate it. I tried cranking the mower the other day, unsuccessfully. lol. It's a push mower. He has said he will cut it tomorrow. But, he also said he would do it last weekend. He has a problem with "follow-through." I no longer take him at his word. He doesn't even understand why! I mean, come on! He barely does what he says he will do. I would say MAYBE 10% of the time he ACTUALLY does what he says he will. Any other time, it's excuse after excuse.


Again, I want to say I am NOT perfect. I make so many mistakes also. I can have a sassy attitude. I can give him the cold shoulder when he is actually trying to be nice. BUT, after all our arguments, and all the horrible stuff he has said to me to put me down. I find it harder and harder to be loving towards him. I think we need marriage counseling for sure. But, this is my first step and looking for a little help and guidance.

I will say this, he does pay for anything my daughter wants, when he has money. He pays for her insurance also. There are plenty of pros to go with the cons. That is why I have held in for so long. But, there has to be a breaking point.

HElP.
I'd suggest getting a separation. I think you're incompatible people, though you need to come to some agreement to care for your daughter.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I'd suggest getting a separation. I think you're incompatible people, though you need to come to some agreement to care for your daughter.
Thank you for your response. But, deep down I do love him. And when we have good times, they are really good. I am not sure I am ready to just give up on something I have worked so hard for. There have been positive changes on his part. My parents had fights as I was growing up, and like I said they have now been married for 34 years. I hate just throwing the towel in over issues others have gotten passed. We are both stubborn and hard headed, so we butt heads. But we do love each other.
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