[badmemory]

I regret many of the things I did, but not the night I recovered a year and a half of Facebook messages between her and the AP.

1 - I took my 21 year old son out on the porch (who was living with us at the time) and told him that I just found out his mother had a 2 year PA with her best friend's husband. I told him I was getting ready to go to our bedroom (she was in bed asleep) and tell her. I asked him to please take her to her mother's house (her mother had dementia and a sitter) and be with her for just tonight because I was worried about her well being. I told him she'll be out in just a few minutes.

2 - Before I went to the bedroom, I reminded him that she had always been a great mother to him, better than I was a father, and loved him very much; but I doubted we'd still be together after tonight. He hugged me for the first time in many years.

3 - I went in the bedroom, woke her up and told her I recovered all their deleted Facebook messages. I said our son is waiting for you to pack a few things and take you to your mother's house. Please leave. I said nothing else to her and she left with my son.

At that point in time, 13 months ago, I wish I had found this site because I'm sure I would have handled things differently after that, knowing what I know now.

 

[badmemory]

I hope you don't mind my asking, but if not, in what way would you have handled things differently?

If you don't want to answer, that is okay.

I didn't wait long enough to sort things out in my mind before I agreed to R. She was only out of the house for 4 days.

I waited too long to (completely) expose AP to his wife. He had a chance to manipulate her to the point that she doesn't even accept the evidence I sent her and even wanted to remain friends with my wife (I didn't allow that).

I didn't immediately define all my expectations for R, only later as issues came up.

I told her that I accepted some blame for her affair and told her so. I've since had to retract that.

Just a few.