I feel that WS got "upper hand" so to speak because in a weird way she was basically doing everything she could to split our relationship during the affair. I realize now she was trying to break up with me at the same time lying about whereabouts with OM etc.
So, while I work on the shame part of my meager, whiney, "please don't leave me" reaction to her at that time, I will say I did one thing that I have no regrets.
Even though we are in our early 40's, the night I realized OM was involved with her I called her Father (last October 2011) and told him- "hey the reason I won't be around for holidays etc. is that your daughter is having an affair- just like her mother did with you" (Her Dad divorced her Mom years and years ago because he had caught her cheating- very sore spot in family history- Mom is the scourge of the family forever.)
The thing about it is is that her mother was known to be a w***e in a small town, and my SO hates anything to do with her mother.
So, as we had some heated times during reconciliation, I brought up how the whole thing reminded me of her Mom. Then a few times she has said (when things were calmer) "you called my Dad- everyone in my family thinks I had an affair and I didn't!" - like its MY fault that they think that.
I have NEVER apologized for calling her Dad- and I NEVER will apologize. She acts incredulous to the idea that someone would think she had an affair despite all that happened. I think it is funny actually and serves her right- even if she didn't (I'm skeptical to say the least) do the nasty she shouldn't be running around with OM and lying about whereabouts.
Fast forward - she went shopping with her sister recently after not seeing her for a year (gee wonder why). Came home and says "Sister told me something Dad says and it really makes me mad". I say what did he say. She says "He told her (sister) the I had an affair - and I was just like her Mom!"- BEAUTIFUL!!!
So what are some things others of you have done that you do NOT regret??
So, while I work on the shame part of my meager, whiney, "please don't leave me" reaction to her at that time, I will say I did one thing that I have no regrets.
Even though we are in our early 40's, the night I realized OM was involved with her I called her Father (last October 2011) and told him- "hey the reason I won't be around for holidays etc. is that your daughter is having an affair- just like her mother did with you" (Her Dad divorced her Mom years and years ago because he had caught her cheating- very sore spot in family history- Mom is the scourge of the family forever.)
The thing about it is is that her mother was known to be a w***e in a small town, and my SO hates anything to do with her mother.
So, as we had some heated times during reconciliation, I brought up how the whole thing reminded me of her Mom. Then a few times she has said (when things were calmer) "you called my Dad- everyone in my family thinks I had an affair and I didn't!" - like its MY fault that they think that.
I have NEVER apologized for calling her Dad- and I NEVER will apologize. She acts incredulous to the idea that someone would think she had an affair despite all that happened. I think it is funny actually and serves her right- even if she didn't (I'm skeptical to say the least) do the nasty she shouldn't be running around with OM and lying about whereabouts.
Fast forward - she went shopping with her sister recently after not seeing her for a year (gee wonder why). Came home and says "Sister told me something Dad says and it really makes me mad". I say what did he say. She says "He told her (sister) the I had an affair - and I was just like her Mom!"- BEAUTIFUL!!!
So what are some things others of you have done that you do NOT regret??