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Discussion Starter #1
Long term marriage criteria

Everyone can add to this list. This is just a starter list


1 An ADVANTAGE
Personalities are very compatible
Not too much per-marriage baggage by either spouse
Both of the same belief system
Both want children
A certain amount of chemistry
Good communication skills with both spouses
Many of the same interest



2 A MUST
Commitment
Trust
Honesty
Loyalty
Genuine concern for each other
The ability to forgive
Sacrifice
Determination
The ability to settle for less when less is unavoidable such as physical capabilities
Perseverance


OK, open for discussion or additions
 

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I'm not a fan of long wish lists when looking for someone to spend your life with. I believe in listing 5 must haves and 5 deal breakers. The rest can be worked out.
 

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Realising that marriage isn't a bed of roses and a fairy tale!
Realising neither of you is perfect.
Love
Love
Sex
Forgivness
Humour
Love
Sex
You get it.......
Nearly 20 years together, been through a hell of a lot, still learning, but definitely in for the long haul!!
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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Shared spiritual space.
Ability to also share physical space, in a meaningful way, on different levels (logistical, sexual...)
Ability of couple to provide for basic needs: food, shelter, clothing...
Knowledge and experience in conflict resolution.
Attitude of commitment.
 

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Mavash

I would like to see your list of 5
Been married 21 years now back then my list probably would have looked like this:

Dealbreakers:

Excessive drinking
Smoking
Partying, womanizing, frat boy behavior
Sports/hunting fanatic
Mama's boy aka hasn't cut the apron strings

Must haves (in no order):

Ambition aka A JOB that can support us frugally
Nice, pleasant, happy with himself
Sexual chemistry
Family oriented (I wanted kids and a house in the burbs)
Respects me and gives me the freedom to be ME
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Do you rember that famous Chinesse proverb?

Woman who fly upside down have hairy crack up!


Just thought of another one that is an advantage

HUMOR!!!
 

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Mr Blunt said:

1 An ADVANTAGE
Personalities are very compatible
Not too much per-marriage baggage by either spouse
Both of the same belief system
Both want children
A certain amount of chemistry
Good communication skills with both spouses
Many of the same interest



2 A MUST
Commitment
Trust
Honesty
Loyalty
Genuine concern for each other
The ability to forgive
Sacrifice
Determination
The ability to settle for less when less is unavoidable such as physical capabilities
Perseverance
Great List !

Once there was a Deal Breaker thread started here....my list was the longest. I just know there are certain things that would get under my skin & it wouldn't work well in marriage for me.

One thing left off this list is ....sexual compatibility ... you know what they say....it may be less than 10% of the marriage but when it ain't working to satisfaction (sex drives way out of sync)... it becomes 90% of the marital issues.
 

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Some of my deal breakers.

1. A willing Transparency in all things, I don't believe in Privacy in marriage, if someone rolls that way, they would never be compatible with me. Open communication/ honesty in all things -is huge. I don't expect perfection... but I do expect honesty.

2. A happening sex drive - touchy feely & desirous. A must. This is a JOY.


3. Never needed a Rich man, social status I don't care about...but Responsible with $$, can live within his means... Holding a job, faithful employee, good reputation... A must. I am on the frugal side, I would cause fights with a $$ waster.

4. A workaholic - I am a TIME person, I'd miss him too much... be a lonely desperate housewife.

5. Has to want a Family / Be a Dad. Needed a man with the same dreams..who would have the patience & passion for this lifestyle.

6. Any kind of addiction ... wouldn't be working (games, gambling, beer drinking, drugs, Sports fanatic, etc)

7. Has to love the country & want to live there - I'd feel caged in the city & forever be dreaming of rolling green grass, cows & cornfields out my window.

8. Taken from Mavash - Partying, womanizing, frat boy behavior - Deal breaker -would never date this type.

9. Has to be the sensitive Romantic Type (why I prefer Men tipped Beta)...I'd be annoyed with a man who felt that was stupid or I was hard to please... I don't need flowers, jewelry or opened doors.... but I
a sensitive man who can openly share his feelings & vulnerabilities with me. I would grow frustrated & annoyed with the unemotional/less than affectionate type. A plus if he enjoyed cuddling up to watch movies too ! :)

10. Religious fundamentalist of any sort - I need someone I can reason with.

11. Keeps his weight down & cares about his health & physical appearance.
 

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Shared spiritual space.
Ability to also share physical space, in a meaningful way, on different levels (logistical, sexual...)
Ability of couple to provide for basic needs: food, shelter, clothing...
Knowledge and experience in conflict resolution.
Attitude of commitment.

This is a great post.
 

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Honesty. Big decisions need to be made by both parties, e.g. none of this 'he bought a car behind my back because he knew I'd get mad' stuff. In fact, no one sided stuff! This is the privelage of any partnership - to share in decisions and compromise because that shows so much trust and just deepens the connection.
 
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