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Wow guess I have to start from the ginning to get to the crux of this issue.
I started dating him when I was 19. He is 14 yrs older. The night he first told me he loved me, he left to date another woman. That hurt...alot...and I guess it should have warned me then to give up. I didn't. He had sexual issues, has a complex about a small private and had problems keeping it up. Took it as a challenge, overcame it. Not the size, the quality but that was more focused on him. That was understandable, he was experiencing things he hadn't before so some selfishness was understandable. Fast forward a few months....I was pregnant. I did and still do love him. He didn't but insisted we marry, said if it didn't work out could divorce. Stupid immature girl in love agrees and thinks he will grow to love her. Is repaid by him denying their marriage even tho she is large with child. Didn't want work people to know.
Fast forward and child is born that he barely acknowledged and called "it". Always money issues.
Fast forward I grow up and grow a figural pair, start talking back start demanding to be seen and heard. Lots of problems but at 25 years I am told he finally can say truly loves me asks to marry again. (Doesn't follow thru thou). He has had several big surgeries by then, had a tumor that took away most natural hormones (read no testosterone). Most of marriage sexless and becomes more and more platonic. But also no touching, no cuddling, no physical gestures of affection. So obviously this marriage has obvious problems from get go.
Fast forward again. He is a collector and with each trauma, each surgery, each family death he collects more. Then is obviously obsessive compulsive hoarder who is happy that way. I am more and more miserable, house in further and further disrepair. Serious disrepair. Try to get him help and he sees psychologist, does not admit to hoarding, sees her every 6 months ha like that helps.
Suddenly he is taking testosterone. Becomes interested - talking a lot about sex but nothing happens at home. Starts telling ME his fantasies of licking the legs of the woman walking up stairs in front of him, grabbing a woman, burying his head in her hair and such...then out of the blue tells me the most passionate relationship in his life was homosexual. WTF?.. To be honest have always wondered if he was, his type is young girls who look like young boys and he mostly used to enjoy fellatio or my hand. I somehow weather that then tells me he had to leave a biz because he was unbelievably strongly attracted to the male clerk. Uhhhhh...
Fast forward, discover he is seeing other women, obviously trying to build an emotional relationship (not sexual the testosterone gave him desire but no follow thru). I don't know why but out of our entire marriage the fact he wants to non physically connect with these women is tearing me apart. Then, the ultimate! That one he went out with night he told me he loved me. His emails and texts with these wmoen sound like they are from a shy adolescent love sick suitor that thinks he is hiding that from them and him. Trust me, not.
Now the straw that broke the camels back. I have his phone and we are in the car and I start flipping thru his text msgs. He goes banans, pulls off, threatens to beat me (ha), finally admits there is an email I might "take the wrong way". Now he has my attention. He finally agrees to read it. It is to one of his lady friends and in it he tells he he is in love with that other woman!!!! Then claims he loves us both, loves me unbelievably deeply. And nothing will ever be between them because she is married too.
How the hell can I still love him? Can we possibly rebuild our life and create a real marriage after all this time? Am I nuts? There is definitey no way I will accept him loving us both, don't believe it is possible or that I can bear that. Right now don't believe he will stop seeing her, or any of them.
Help please I don't know what to do anymore I hate throwing away 37 years, lots of sacrifice, my youth, my life.....Supposedly it will be counseling and an informal separation. I have no money. I am unemployed, have no college behind me and having trouble finding a job. He says we have no money for me to move somewhere and no one has offered to let me stay for free. I even made a plea on fb. Still agrees to counseling.
 

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Your husband is just like my first husband. He also went on a date after we started dating. Told me he promised to take this girl to prom. She had a leg in a cast so I figured it was safe. I asked if they had sex and they had. That was the first red flag I ignored and the rest is history. He wanted to wife swap, he wanted to have 3-somes. He was very demanding about sex and wanted sex several times a day. If I did not put out he would threaten to go else where but what I didn't realize at the time is that he'd been unfaithful the entire marriage. When I finally caught him with his older love lady he tried to tell me it was on the down hill side and asked me to wait. Can you believe?? he told me that he was in love with us both. I let him know that I had no intentions of sharing my husband with anyone else. It was either her or me. I asked him to go to counseling and give up the affair. He decided to file for divorce. I should have been the one filing for divorce. I had wanted to try to save our marriage, we had two children and the youngest was only a year old.

My suggestion is leave and find your way. I know after all these years with this man it is not easy. I am now in a real hard spot with my second husband whom I have been with for 25 years and I just told him I wanted a divorce. It's alot of years of building up a life together, kids, grand kids to consider. In my case no health care when I leave and I have had health issues. I get it. I don't know my road ahead either.
 

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Sounds like he could possibly be homosexual and is trying to deny his homosexuality by engaging with other women and having that "thrill".

Move on.
 

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You're not in a marriage - heck, you're not even in a real relationship. You're roommates with a likely-gay man who thinks nothing of abusing you emotionally, as well as threatening and running around on you. Do you really want to grow old with a person like this?

Time to move on. You deserve better than this. (I know it's hard ... but don't throw good "emotional money" after bad.)
 

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According to your timeline, then he would be at least 76 years old now, and you are 62. Is that correct?

(Asked you to marry him at 25, married 37 years, and he is 14 years older than you).

He seems to be a little old to be chasing after other women, but what do I know.

However, you say you are unemployed, no money saved, and never finished college. What have you been doing for 37 years??
 
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