I'm new to this site. I'm not one to share my feelings but I can't keep it to myself anymore and need to admit to someone I don't know what to do.
I'm 47. My H and I have known eachother for over 20 something years. I was 22 and he was married and had just adopted a child at the time. We lived in different states but spoke everyday work related only. We became best friends. I was somewhat friendly with his wife also. I went on to marry someone in my late twenties. Over the years his marriage became to unravel and so did mine.( his wife was cheating and abusing the children and I was neglected by mine) We supported eachother.
I had my hands full from the minute We decided to date. I gave up my hopes and dreams to help his two children. At the time I remember thinking I was sent there to save them. I wanted to wait to get married but he insisted and we married at courthouse. Afterwards, I still had to walk on the other side of the street when we got close to our home and close to office. He wanted to keep marriage secret. So I walked around the block and rang doorbell as if I was visiting, never answered our phone, basically lived as if I was single to the outside world yet was raising two children and was married. I did it for him..... He wanted it that way until he was ready to share with everyone the truth about us.
We did go (with a lot of hard work...doctors, hormone shots) to have 4 biological children....2 are with us but 2 passed at birth....
It's been a long journey with this man. From career (I work for his co) to raising children. Everything I have done has been for H and his children. They were choicestrust made and I don't regret them. I did my best....idid save one child... They are my gem...and my younger children are happy.
But I'm not.
Here I am at 47 and I feel trapped. Over the years I've been so busy at saving people and making them alright that I've forgotten about myself. I need to be saved. My H is busy with himself and constantly looking for me to tell him everything's ok.
He's not the man I married 12 years ago
Ive explained what i need and his answer is that it's all me.
We tried counseling. Most counselers have told him he's passive aggressive, insecure and defensive. He drops out every time. He says he loves me, adores me and can't live without me but will jump to attack me on most things. (I'm now giving it back to him)
I don't know if I should stay or leave. I'm at a loss....I have my kids and my mother lives with us as well.
I want to do what's right. I don't want to hurt anyone but don't I have a right to being happy too?
Thank you for listening to my rambling.
I'm 47. My H and I have known eachother for over 20 something years. I was 22 and he was married and had just adopted a child at the time. We lived in different states but spoke everyday work related only. We became best friends. I was somewhat friendly with his wife also. I went on to marry someone in my late twenties. Over the years his marriage became to unravel and so did mine.( his wife was cheating and abusing the children and I was neglected by mine) We supported eachother.
I had my hands full from the minute We decided to date. I gave up my hopes and dreams to help his two children. At the time I remember thinking I was sent there to save them. I wanted to wait to get married but he insisted and we married at courthouse. Afterwards, I still had to walk on the other side of the street when we got close to our home and close to office. He wanted to keep marriage secret. So I walked around the block and rang doorbell as if I was visiting, never answered our phone, basically lived as if I was single to the outside world yet was raising two children and was married. I did it for him..... He wanted it that way until he was ready to share with everyone the truth about us.
We did go (with a lot of hard work...doctors, hormone shots) to have 4 biological children....2 are with us but 2 passed at birth....
It's been a long journey with this man. From career (I work for his co) to raising children. Everything I have done has been for H and his children. They were choicestrust made and I don't regret them. I did my best....idid save one child... They are my gem...and my younger children are happy.
But I'm not.
Here I am at 47 and I feel trapped. Over the years I've been so busy at saving people and making them alright that I've forgotten about myself. I need to be saved. My H is busy with himself and constantly looking for me to tell him everything's ok.
He's not the man I married 12 years ago
Ive explained what i need and his answer is that it's all me.
We tried counseling. Most counselers have told him he's passive aggressive, insecure and defensive. He drops out every time. He says he loves me, adores me and can't live without me but will jump to attack me on most things. (I'm now giving it back to him)
I don't know if I should stay or leave. I'm at a loss....I have my kids and my mother lives with us as well.
I want to do what's right. I don't want to hurt anyone but don't I have a right to being happy too?
Thank you for listening to my rambling.
