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Discussion Starter #1
Okay.

I've been married for almost two decades. I have some kids.

I am, by my own decision, working overseas and have been for almost a year and a half.

Does anyone have any tips on how to make this work? I get to go home every couple of months for a few weeks and I spend all my time reconnecting with the family.

My relationship with the wife seems to be growing stronger (this was a pathetically low bar to hurdle) as we put more effort into our time together. Removing the money problem has been pretty major too.

But it's still a strain. So far, I've put the infidelity thing out of my mind mostly because there is damn all I could do if I snooped around. Having three kids around a lot is also a disincentive. (If I found a whiff I'd investigate. And if I found anything, I'd divorce immediately. My work does not lend itself to the amount of time together which would be necessary to reconcile. If I can't trust her, I can't be with her. She knows this.)

Who has done this and how did you do it?
 

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We lived like this for a couple of years. The first year was a breeze, but it became progressively harder, then unbearable (short summary~ teenage boys need their dad in the house).

IMO, it is imperative that your wife is not over-burdened by all of the household issues. Can you relieve her of the responsibility of bills (pay on-line, arrange for automatic payments)? Paying for a housekeeper twice a month will help relieve a small part of her burden. With this kind of support, she can arrange for a handyman to fix any house needs/repairs, so that your time at home is all about quality time and relaxation.

While Skype is a blessing for long-distance, this might be a great opportunity for you and your wife to hand write love letters to each other. I don't know any woman who wouldn't adore and appreciate a handwritten and mailed love letter. You could start it. :)
 

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I've offered a house keeper but she keeps turning it down.

I could hand write a letter.

It seems to be that way for us two. Year one is dead but it gets harder as the kids get older.

It is pretty frigging remarkable how much I'm the referee in the household. I didn't fully realize that before.
 

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JCD,

Speaking from experience, my stbx and I were in a long distance relationship for the past year and a half but the burden of being separated physically took its toll eventually especially the last two months until she dropped the hammer and said she didn't want to be with me anymore. Skype is great and all but it really doesn't help in the long run. I actually bought my stbx an ipod touch the day I left with our son as did I so we can both see each other on facetime and I also gave her a google voice number so that we can call/text each other anytime. I bought the ipods especially since we have a 5 year old son who lives with me here in the states while she's in Mexico waiting for her visa to be approved but even with all that done, it couldn't save the marriage. I hope this doesn't happen in your case but long distance relationships are next to impossible but it all depends on how long you stay separated and most importantly if your wife truly does love you. If months turn into years then there is a higher risk of your marriage failing but hopefully you can prevent that from happening. I've been devastated by this since I've been dealing with this for the past 2 months and there is nothing I can do to change her point of view but now I've realized she never loved me to begin with so... :(

Hope this doesn't happen to you and best of luck.
 

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I wonder at this. I mean, you read the bio of John Adams and he was in Paris for YEARS as he attempted to negotiate recognition for America.

Yes, it's a slightly more important task than what I am doing, but still, we have the examples of men in WWII for the duration.

Women used to wait for their men. What happened?
 
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