[lostinspaces]

My first post and the beginnings of my story can be found here

My wife returned home from a work trip that had her away the entire first week after i found out that she is, at the very least having a deep EM with another man. Details are in the other post, but basically when confronted she was surprised and then stated she hadnt been happy in a long time ("maybe since the spring") and wanted a D. She says she isnt communicating with OM now, but i dont see how that is possible giving what they were saying to each other.

My question is now that we will have to be together for the next few weeks (while i get things together to move, since we JUST moved to follow her career {mine allows me to live anywhere}), how do I treat her?

She is fairly nice to me, if a bit awkward at times when she is obviously thinking about the situation. She seems overly interested in where I'm moving to (also asked what i'm going to do for T-giving). Not sure if she is wanting to know when and how far away I'll move (like she is afraid I'll stay in town) or if she secretly wants me to stay close.

So confused as to what to do now! The 180 was working so well while she was gone. Please help!

 

[ConfusedInMichigan]

Im not sure if you want her back someday, someway-but I can tell you no matter what you are planning on doing the less you tell her the better. The moment they start getting answers, they become bolder and bolder.

 

[lostinspaces]

Thanks confused. Your name is particularly apt at the moment.

I'd give anythign for a crystal ball showing the future right now.

 

[lostinspaces]

Rawr ... she is out (i just got back from a 20m bike ride) and calls to ask what I'm doing for lunch. WTH?

Told her I was finishing up some leftover chicken and she mention what she would eat when she got home. Then it was the typical "ok, see you soon" type thing.

WTH is going on? I need a manual.

 

[NoWhere]

Good luck. Speaking from experience its tough living with the Stbxw. In my case she is seeing someone else and doesn't really show any feelings for the loss of our marriage. I'm hurting so bad over this and she treats me like nothings really changed. Which makes things worse.

I gave up trying to win her back and basically did the 180 just to not give her the benefit of seeing me suffer over this.

Basically go about your business, keep busy. Don't really interact with her, but don't be ugly or cold to her. Show her you are content to move on and are happy.

 

[BigMac]

You're in the same situation as I'm .
Only #15 is difficult when you still live together , but the rest is very useful . Third day into it and I love it.
She is bugging me all today and she is extremely nice and caring .

 

[lostinspaces]

NoWhere - Like yours, my STBWX was acting very close to normal for the first two days (when i posted the above). I recently caught her in a lie about the OM and she has significantly withdrawn and escalated her recent dislike of me.

Big - Mine was like that. Now it has swung back the other direction. Would someone please let me off the roller-coaster?

She went "rings-off" today. Funny that that should hurt after everything else ... but every little thing that makes this more of a reality stings a little.

I know you shouldnt wish your life away, but right now I'd give just about anything for a button to fast forward to a year or so from now.

 

[NoWhere]

I know you shouldnt wish your life away, but right now I'd give just about anything for a button to fast forward to a year or so from now.

You just need to find something that will provide the 1.2 gigawatts of power to the flux capacitor. Come pick me up when you find it!

 

[wiigirl]

You just need to find something that will provide the 1.2 gigawatts of power to the flux capacitor. Come pick me up when you find it!

Me to...

Posted via Mobile Device

 

[BigMac]

stay strong Lost and post here

one trouble I have with 180 is telling her everything

 

[lostinspaces]

Me too Big ... I am WAY too open with her. I'm just used to being able to tell her everything and am finding that a VERY hard habit to break.

 

[NoWhere]

I think that is a problem we all have. You are so use to discussing things or even saying little things like inside jokes and stuff its hard to stop yourself from doing it.

 

[lostinspaces]

I think that is a problem we all have. You are so use to discussing things or even saying little things like inside jokes and stuff its hard to stop yourself from doing it.

Indeed. One that I am working on ... and one that she is making easier by continuing to lie, and now to be cold to me.

I miss my wife, but this person isn't her. Sometime my eyes and ears fool me into thinking it is ... but that person was caring and genuine. This person is the opposite. Maybe this is her 180?

 

[Broken84]

WTH is going on? I need a manual.

Totally understand your frustration. My stbxw has a tendency tomdo that as well. One minute she isnfurious and not talking to me. I try my hardest not to contact her and all of a sudden she is messaging me...its all about mind games.

 

[BigMac]

@Lost
how you feeling today ?

 

[lostinspaces]

I've been better, but thanks for checking Big.

Honestly, I must be starting to turn a bit of a corner. I'm quickly getting to the point where I'd rather move on. Obviously the person I am sharing an apartment with isnt the woman I loved and I'm ready to move out, if not move on.

We have stopped interacting much since I caught her in her most recent lie. I jsut dont have much to say to her ... why talk to someone who has a much higher chance of telling a lie than the truth? I've come to terms with the fact that this is VERY unlikely to be just an EA. She is going back to where he lives this weekend to see "friends" ... I just don't buy it.

Got some good news yesterday: I have two job opportunities that came about. I have never really leveraged my contacts before and doing so had quick results. Was nice getting a little good news.

I hate that this all happened, and I know the rollercoaster is going to head back down at some point (probably at some point today), but for now life is slightly better than it was 2 days ago. Of course "better" is nowhere near "good".

 

[BigMac]

I'm happy you feel better . It is better then nothing .
Do you really want her or you want your old live/routine ? Ask you self this question.
I'm asking my self the same and more I'm thinking about it , more I lean towards the routine .

 

[lostinspaces]

I want the old her. The person I'm seeing every day is nothing like the girl i feel in love with. I'm not sure if she is gone or just in hiding, but that is the person I miss.

I can't assume she'll ever come back ... and she almost definitely wont with the posOM in the picture. I also refuse to be plan B.

As predicted the rollercoaster went back down for a bit today. Having to spend time with the stbxw is hard and I am ready to move out and get on with healing.

 

[flyfishdoc]

I put up with the roller coaster **** for 2 weeks...literally one day they hate your guts then the next they want you to take care of them..I finally pushed the nuclear button and exposed the OM to her friends/family...now my STBXW is a consistent *****...I can handle consistency. Make her show her true colors. She sounds like a cake eater..mine was literally eating off my plate 2 days before Armageddon day.. Tellher to go stay with him...the girl you fell in love DIED and doesn't exist anymore, never will

 

[lostinspaces]

Unfortunately I will be the one to have to move. Thats not a big deal, it is just going to take a few weeks. I have a new job opportunity (two actually) that would move me a few states away. I'm hoping that comes through quickly.

I just can't stand the lies and deception anymore. I've quit checking the "facts" and quit trying to catch her in a lie. Its just too damn easy when you know they are lying.

I will probably never understand how someone could throw away so many years of happiness without a thought or regret in the world; without giving it even an ounce of effort to save it. I know she is just in the honeymoon stage of an affair and that is helping her, but you'd think there would be some remorse.

I really hope there is someone out there for me who is open (ie will tell you if there are problems) and loyal. Its hard picturing a new life at this point, but i do truly hope one is out there for me... and that I wont have to be alone for a decade before i find it.