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Discussion Starter #1
I'm curious if any other women on here are dealing with a narcissist husband? Does he lack empathy and when you tell him hes making you feel a certain way does he tell you your too sensitive or overreacting? I get this all the time.
 

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Just for reference:

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5, 2013) indicates that a person with NPD possesses at least five of the following nine criteria, typically without possessing the commensurate personal qualities or accomplishments for which they demand respect and status:
  • Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from other people
  • Continually demeaning, bullying and belittling others
  • Exploiting others to achieve personal gain
  • Lack of empathy for the negative impact they have on the feelings, wishes, and needs of other people
  • Fixation on fantasies of power, success, intelligence, attractiveness, etc.
  • Self-perception of being unique, superior, and associated with high-status people and institutions
  • Need for continual admiration from others
  • Sense of entitlement to special treatment and to obedience from others
  • Intense envy of others, and the belief that others are equally envious of them
 

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I don't mean to sound unkind, but the blaming gets old fast.

I understand that we all need a place to vent at times, but at some point each of us has to take responsibility for our lives.

You chose to marry this person, so my questions are more to do with you and why you would choose to do that. And I have hard time believing he didn't behave this way from the beginning.

If you google 'how to communicate with a narcissist', you could spend days reading all the free material available online.

So, learn how to take better care of yourself.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Just for reference:

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5, 2013) indicates that a person with NPD possesses at least five of the following nine criteria, typically without possessing the commensurate personal qualities or accomplishments for which they demand respect and status:
  • Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from other people
  • Continually demeaning, bullying and belittling others
  • Exploiting others to achieve personal gain
  • Lack of empathy for the negative impact they have on the feelings, wishes, and needs of other people
  • Fixation on fantasies of power, success, intelligence, attractiveness, etc.
  • Self-perception of being unique, superior, and associated with high-status people and institutions
  • Need for continual admiration from others
  • Sense of entitlement to special treatment and to obedience from others
  • Intense envy of others, and the belief that others are equally envious of them
I've done alot of research and reading on this disorder hence why I believe he is one. He denies it of course.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I don't mean to sound unkind, but the blaming gets old fast.

I understand that we all need a place to vent at times, but at some point each of us has to take responsibility for our lives.

You chose to marry this person, so my questions are more to do with you and why you would choose to do that. And I have hard time believing he didn't behave this way from the beginning.

If you google 'how to communicate with a narcissist', you could spend days reading all the free material available online.

So, learn how to take better care of yourself.
Why I choose to do what? He was not like this before we got married. If you read anything about narcissists you would know that they love bomb you and gaslight you. I'm not blaming him, I'm just curious if most men behave this way. You are kind of rude to someone whom is asking for advice and help.
 

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Yes, I understand - it's all him. So what are you going to do with that information?

You know all the right terminology for him.

He's a narcissist. He's love bombed you. He's a gaslighter.

Yet here you still are - the victim. And you must get something out of that role, because you're still participating.

When you've had enough, you'll find a way to put an end to it.

And I'll repeat the advice I gave you above - learn how to take better care of yourself. Stop putting all the focus on him, and be a better you.

Why I choose to do what? He was not like this before we got married. If you read anything about narcissists you would know that they love bomb you and gaslight you. I'm not blaming him, I'm just curious if most men behave this way. You are kind of rude to someone whom is asking for advice and help.
 

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I married a narcissist. I didn’t know it back then, and he drove me insane and the more research I did the more I realized how messed up he is. And how messed up I am if I continue to stay with him. So we divorced.


You can’t change him. They are master manipulators and they have an inability to love. There is nothing you can do except divorce him.
 

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I agree with @minimalME

OP I understand she sounds harsh but to me she sounds like someone who has been through this.

Do me a favor and stop researching narcissists, and start researching people who stay with narcissists. I was one Of them and it was eye opening when I started to focus on myself and my issues. Because people who stay with narcissists are just as troubled.
 

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But before you bother to learn anything more about living with or being a narcissist, get a diagnosis from a professional, just like you would for an internal injury.

Prevalence, Correlates, Disability, and Comorbidity of DSM-IV Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Results from the Wave 2 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions


Results
Prevalence of lifetime NPD was 6.2%, with rates greater for men (7.7%) than women (4.8%). NPD was significantly more prevalent among Black men and women and Hispanic women, younger adults, and separated/divorced/widowed and never married adults. NPD was associated with mental disability among men but not women. High co-occurrence rates of substance use, mood, anxiety, and other personality disorders (PDs) were observed. With additional comorbidity controlled for, associations with bipolar I disorder, PTSD, and schizotypal and borderline PDs remained significant, but weakened, among men and women. Similar associations were observed between NPD and specific phobia, generalized anxiety disorder, and bipolar II disorder among women; and alcohol abuse, alcohol dependence, drug dependence, and histrionic and obsessive-compulsive PDs among men. Dysthymia was significantly and negatively associated with NPD.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
I agree with @minimalME

OP I understand she sounds harsh but to me she sounds like someone who has been through this.

Do me a favor and stop researching narcissists, and start researching people who stay with narcissists. I was one Of them and it was eye opening when I started to focus on myself and my issues. Because people who stay with narcissists are just as troubled.
I actually have been working on being the best me. I've even been to 2 marriage counselors. Neither helped. I do what makes me happy now.
 

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You say you do what makes you happy. Are you going out with family and friends without him? If he reacts unfavorably to your plans - and I assume he does, from what you've said - how do you handle it?
 

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I actually have been working on being the best me. I've even been to 2 marriage counselors. Neither helped. I do what makes me happy now.
Hmm.

What did those counselors say? What are you doing that makes you happy now? What does he do as a response?
 

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My ex would never go to a doctor, he thought he knew better than everyone. You don’t need a formal diagnosis to know what you are and aren’t willing to put up with.
 

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My ex would never go to a doctor, he thought he knew better than everyone. You don’t need a formal diagnosis to know what you are and aren’t willing to put up with.
No, you don't. That's not the point. But your optimal plan of attack, assuming it's more nuanced than simply walk out the door, should include the right choices and be made on expert advice. There is a huge amount of overlap in symptoms for many mental health conditions that make them hard to disentangle even for a professional, who will also know best how to address the problem.

NPD has become the go-to poor man's diagnosis 'round here for everything from snoring to bunions.
 

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No, you don't. That's not the point. But your optimal plan of attack, assuming it's more nuanced than simply walk out the door, should include the right choices and be made on expert advice. There is a huge amount of overlap in symptoms for many mental health conditions that make them hard to disentangle even for a professional, who will also know best how to address the problem.

NPD has become the go-to poor man's diagnosis 'round here for everything from snoring to bunions.
Does it matter if he’s a narcissistic or just a regular old ass hole? I don’t think it does.

I know for sure my ex was a narcissist. And I know it’s a rare thing to actually have. Many people have traits of it though.
 

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I've done alot of research and reading on this disorder hence why I believe he is one. He denies it of course.
Yet ANOTHER unhapppy spouse with no medical degree or license of any kind "diagnosing" her husband as a Narcissist. 🙄 🙄 🙄

Gosh, I don't see that being done 4,759 times a week by angry and frustrated spouses who have an internet connection and Google. No sir.

If you read anything about narcissists you would know that they love bomb you and gaslight you.
Newsflash - ANY spouse looking to get out of the doghouse and back into your good graces - whether it's because they cheated, lied, gambled away the mortgage payment, drunkenly totaled the new car or whatever - might do this same exact thing. It's called "damage control" and lots of people do it when they're looking to cover their asses any way they can if they want to avoid divorce court. This isn't some highly classified, exclusive 'secret weapon' only found in a Narcissist's toolbox.

I think the poster who suggested you stop Googling and diagnosing your husband and instead look up why you're willing to stay with someone like this was really onto something.
 

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I was married to what many members here labeled a narcissist but I was never concerned about the label, I just wanted out. I do remember the shock of realizing he may very well be one but that wore off quickly, didn’t matter because I was already planning on leaving and whatever he was would then be his own problem.

The label really doesn’t matter. Are you actively planning on leaving?
 
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