I'm living a lie. It looks like I'm living an amazing life. But behind closed doors things are much different. I cannot tolerate my husband.
I feel like I'm struggling every day. Being a mom is hard work. But I feel like it's even harder when you have a husband like mine. A husband that has expectations. A husband that calls you out on every mistake you make. A husband that feels like he is truly the best. A husband that controls your emotions and makes you bottle them up. A husband that manipulates you and makes you feel like you are never good enough and has no appreciation for what you do.
Yes, he works hard. I've supported him every step of the way which meant sacrificing my career so he could have his. When we had kids, I was overwhelmed because I was expected to do everything. I felt helpless. My daughter was colicky. My husband told me I should just know what to do and implied that there was something wrong with me. That he shouldn't have to calm her. I should just know. Well I didn't and it made me feel awful. When I struggled he told me I couldn't handle being a mother. I will never forget that.
I have definitely taken the reigns on this mothering thing since those early days. I wake up and don't sit down all day unless it's to breastfeed. I clean. Cook. Feed. Do laundry. Kiss booboos. Play with my children. Read to them. I do nothing for me, except maybe cover my dark under eyes with makeup before leaving the house. I get the groceries.. plan our meals. Buy the clothes and diapers. Plus I work. I try to do the books for my husband's company and do graphic design. It's tough with a baby so I usually do this after he sleeps. So I go to sleep around 2 am and feed him throughout the night. Then I wake my daughter in the morning for school. My husband is usually gone by then.
My husband has the nerve to actually point out to me and 2 pieces of garbage didn't make it to the bin. He tells me when I should have changed the garbage and asks me why it wasn't done. When I missed cleaning properly under the high chair, hell physically get me to lean down and look. He'll ask me why there are dishes in the sink. Or why the entry is messy. He's googled "How to get your wife to clean up after herself." He has never been alone with our kids (13 month old and 4 year old) for more than 4 hours at a time and that's only happened about 3 times total. When it's going well I get told "I don't know why you struggle so much with them. It's easy." When it goes bad I get "Get your priorities straight and be a mom." And he considers parenting plunking them in front of the TV or letting them sit on him while he watches his show. He has no ****ing idea. And even I've tried to explain to him why the 2 pieces of garbage weren't in the bin, he says "What do you want! A ****ing hero cookie because you watch our kids?!" Yeah. It's that great. He thinks he's such a great dad because he gets our daughter ready for bed. He feels like any cleaning or parenting goes over and above what he should be doing because he feels like those things are all me. And he's amazing because he does any of it. Like I should kiss his feet because he brushes our daughters teeth before bed. He thinks he's the best at everything and no one compares.
There's more. He acts differently around our friends. Especially the female ones. He acts so involved. So sweet. And he flirts with them. It's like he tries so hard to make them wish their husbands were as awesome as he is. Right in front of me. Not just flirting. Get some drinks in him and he touches them and goes on and on about getting the girls to take their tops off. He deletes his texts and forms strong friendships with women. I feel like I can't even introduce him to female friends cuz he'll be a total pig. He doesn't stop relationships when they become inappropriate. He cheated on me once. I'm pretty sure he has since then. I've found condoms in his truck along with a couple other odd incidents. He has recently befriended a client. They frequently meet for coffee and he speaks so highly of her. He told me he would have sex with her if I was there too.
How reassuring. He wants sex parties.. I'm trying to parent our children. People at her workplace have started becoming suspicious of their relationship and when I asked him about it he said he wishes he was screwing her because then at least he would be getting some. Let me point out here that we rarely have sex because we have completely different sleep schedules and I feel like I barely see him. Plus it's getting more and more difficult to want to have sex with this guy.
He expects me to kiss his ass and I just want to leave it. I should have known when it rained on our wedding day and he took the umbrella and only covered himself. I should have known when I just had our baby, and all he did was talk about how uncomfortable he was in the chair. Even the nurses told him to shut up about it.
It's always about him and how amazing he is, and how no one else comes even close.
I feel like I'm struggling every day. Being a mom is hard work. But I feel like it's even harder when you have a husband like mine. A husband that has expectations. A husband that calls you out on every mistake you make. A husband that feels like he is truly the best. A husband that controls your emotions and makes you bottle them up. A husband that manipulates you and makes you feel like you are never good enough and has no appreciation for what you do.
Yes, he works hard. I've supported him every step of the way which meant sacrificing my career so he could have his. When we had kids, I was overwhelmed because I was expected to do everything. I felt helpless. My daughter was colicky. My husband told me I should just know what to do and implied that there was something wrong with me. That he shouldn't have to calm her. I should just know. Well I didn't and it made me feel awful. When I struggled he told me I couldn't handle being a mother. I will never forget that.
I have definitely taken the reigns on this mothering thing since those early days. I wake up and don't sit down all day unless it's to breastfeed. I clean. Cook. Feed. Do laundry. Kiss booboos. Play with my children. Read to them. I do nothing for me, except maybe cover my dark under eyes with makeup before leaving the house. I get the groceries.. plan our meals. Buy the clothes and diapers. Plus I work. I try to do the books for my husband's company and do graphic design. It's tough with a baby so I usually do this after he sleeps. So I go to sleep around 2 am and feed him throughout the night. Then I wake my daughter in the morning for school. My husband is usually gone by then.
My husband has the nerve to actually point out to me and 2 pieces of garbage didn't make it to the bin. He tells me when I should have changed the garbage and asks me why it wasn't done. When I missed cleaning properly under the high chair, hell physically get me to lean down and look. He'll ask me why there are dishes in the sink. Or why the entry is messy. He's googled "How to get your wife to clean up after herself." He has never been alone with our kids (13 month old and 4 year old) for more than 4 hours at a time and that's only happened about 3 times total. When it's going well I get told "I don't know why you struggle so much with them. It's easy." When it goes bad I get "Get your priorities straight and be a mom." And he considers parenting plunking them in front of the TV or letting them sit on him while he watches his show. He has no ****ing idea. And even I've tried to explain to him why the 2 pieces of garbage weren't in the bin, he says "What do you want! A ****ing hero cookie because you watch our kids?!" Yeah. It's that great. He thinks he's such a great dad because he gets our daughter ready for bed. He feels like any cleaning or parenting goes over and above what he should be doing because he feels like those things are all me. And he's amazing because he does any of it. Like I should kiss his feet because he brushes our daughters teeth before bed. He thinks he's the best at everything and no one compares.
There's more. He acts differently around our friends. Especially the female ones. He acts so involved. So sweet. And he flirts with them. It's like he tries so hard to make them wish their husbands were as awesome as he is. Right in front of me. Not just flirting. Get some drinks in him and he touches them and goes on and on about getting the girls to take their tops off. He deletes his texts and forms strong friendships with women. I feel like I can't even introduce him to female friends cuz he'll be a total pig. He doesn't stop relationships when they become inappropriate. He cheated on me once. I'm pretty sure he has since then. I've found condoms in his truck along with a couple other odd incidents. He has recently befriended a client. They frequently meet for coffee and he speaks so highly of her. He told me he would have sex with her if I was there too.
How reassuring. He wants sex parties.. I'm trying to parent our children. People at her workplace have started becoming suspicious of their relationship and when I asked him about it he said he wishes he was screwing her because then at least he would be getting some. Let me point out here that we rarely have sex because we have completely different sleep schedules and I feel like I barely see him. Plus it's getting more and more difficult to want to have sex with this guy.
He expects me to kiss his ass and I just want to leave it. I should have known when it rained on our wedding day and he took the umbrella and only covered himself. I should have known when I just had our baby, and all he did was talk about how uncomfortable he was in the chair. Even the nurses told him to shut up about it.
It's always about him and how amazing he is, and how no one else comes even close.
